EXCLUSIVE! EXCLUSIVE! EXCLUSIVE!
Sorry, that was just my Tourette’s acting up. CLITORIS! BOOGERS! Nonetheless, this story IS an exclusive (and keep in mind, my last two exclusives have since been confirmed by the trades). Variety today reports that the awesome Timothy Olyphant will be replacing the similarly legit Sharlto Copley in I Am Number Four, the Michael Bay-produced, DJ Caruso-directed, aliens-in-high-school movie. This was Variety‘s official (read: not true) reason for the switch:
“Scheduling conflicts with his upcoming press obligations for Fox’s ‘The A-Team.’”
Right, as if Dreamworks wouldn’t have known his press obligations from the beginning. Luckily, the real story is much funnier. The real story, and I promise I’m not making this up, is that Sharlto Copley wanted wear a prosthetic nose and fake ears like Spock and look like an alien in the movie, while director DJ Caruso was adamant that the aliens were supposed to look just like regular humans, hence why they’re able to fit in. This was apparently such a sticking point that neither would budge, and Copley left the project. Haha, I love you, Hollywood egos. What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall during that argument.
“But you said I got ta be da alien!”
“Nuh uh! You got ta be da alien last time!”
“I hate you! I’m not guh be your friend no more!”
*grabs juice box, storms out*
*Michael Bay blows up a frog with a fire cracker*
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At least he didn’t ask to be in brownface to play the alien.
They could have replaced him with James Earl Haley and both won.
What the fuck is wrong with his nose?
Aliens in high school demand that you take them to your cheerleader.
I like the prosthetic idea, but he pushed too hard.
You’d think we’d expect that from someone with “shart” in his name.
Maybe Copley just didn’t want anybody to recognize him in this shitty movie?
Was Marky Mark’s prosthetic taken?
Aliens in high school? Glenn Beck is gonna shit.
I had a similar dispute with a director regarding prosthetic noses when my Lutheran high school staged Fiddler On The Roof.
He thought that if he looked too human, they’d make him narfle the Garthok.
An alien in high school got mad and threw a book at another kid. Everyone saw the flying Chaucer.
Look at Star Trek. Different races all have different nose things. That’s how you can tell them apart. Sharlto is 100% correct.
All of the aliens in high school share one tiny homeroom.
Salt, it doesn’t count if we can’t see tits.
The theme for the homecoming dance is ‘Enchantment Under the Sea’ because aliens are good swimmers.
The squinty eyed aliens are really good at math.
Michael Bay doesn’t blow up frogs with firecrackers. He uses C-4.
Timothy Olyphant isn’t going to have a problem with this because he plans to surgically alter his nose and ears to look like an alien. Let’s see Caruso deal with THAT.
Further digging reveals that Copley kept bursting into scenes to claim lockers in the name of Mars.
So Copley wanted to remake Coneheads? That’s Olyphantastic.
all the aliens in my high school were part of The Faculty
Simpsons did it.
Salt, it doesn’t count if we can’t see tits.
You misunderstood, of course we had prosthetic noses on the breasts, I was talking about adding fake noses over our gentile ones.
I guess he wanted to have it Sharlto’s way.
Caruso said “There’s no room in this city for big parts like yours,” which marked the end of doing things Sharlto’s way.
Please, if you get that reference, come join me in the corner for a cracker…
God I fucking hate you right now, Donk.
It’s not even really a dick step if you did so much more work on the joke than I did. It’s almost more like I dick-stepped you.
Sharlto Copley wanted to wear a prosthetic nose and fake ears like Spock
More like Sharlto Cosplay.
That was wierd.
I gotta give it to inkyPee, too. Just on account of the time required for the HTML coding
True story:
My idiot teacher in 4th grade was reading to our class Bruce Coville’s My Teacher Is An Alien. She stopped reading it to us part-way through because she was offended when it dawned on her that the teacher in the book was an alien.
You had an idiot teacher in 4th grade? I just had a gym teacher, a music teacher, and a regular teacher. What school did you go to?
What school did you go to?
A school that cut out the cost of new science books and equipment by having my class spend our entire 6th grade year painting a mural of the rainforest. I finally switched schools for 7th grade.
/serious
MMaaaaat Daaaammmooonnn up!!