I’ve got a big story here, folks. I mean, we’re talking try-not-to-drop-your-cat-in-your-chocolate big. What am I talking about? The stars of Twilight, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, have finally confimed that they’re dating. It’s like everything I’ve ever written in puffy paint is coming true. I hope you’re lubed up, John Stamos.
Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning, and Taylor Lautner all taped an episode for The Oprah Winfrey Show earlier this week, to air May 13.
While some fans were treated to a special screening of Eclipse, the good stuff happened with the cameras weren’t rolling. Like when Rob and Kristen confirmed to Oprah backstage they are in fact dating:
“We were all briefed before the show how to handle the talent,” says our source who works for the Big O. “Part of what we were told was that Rob and Kristen are dating.”
“Obviously Oprah had to ask something during the taping, but agreed beforehand she wouldn’t be too hard on [Rob and Kristen] if they told her what was really going on. Both Rob and Kristen’s people and Summit then confirmed ahead of time [Rob and Kristen] are together and are dating. One hundred percent.” [EOnline]
Life imitates art yet again. You see? I just knew a story would come along to prove how realistic Stephenie Meyer’s stories are. Knowing these two are really together gives me the strength to dump my boyfriend and hold out for true love, someone who’ll care for me so much that we never have sex and he watches me while I sleep and comforts me with his childish grasp of the English language. In fact, my sources say that Kristen and Rob are so in love, they just sat there staring at each other looking like they had heartburn for two f*cking hours.
[via GifParty]
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I bet he fucks her so hard.
…who works for the Big O.
Don’t we all.
Is that the dog that Delta Airlines lost?
This makes sense. RPatty’s vagina allergy can be treated like most allergies: a shot in the ass.
I don’t understand how this happened. They’re not good enough actors for me to believe them onscreen, let alone for them to believe it.
…not that I’ve ever actually watched them onscreen.
Act cool, Jacktion! Don’t give anything away, and they’ll believe you.
Robsten? I like StewPatti cuz it sounds dirty.
You know Oprah kissed their asses and goes on and on about how wonderful the books are. Oh yeah, fatty? Where’s the Book Club endorsement? You lying flabby hunk of shit.
Oh look, Robert Pattinson has a beard.
I’m wet.
Sorry about that.
O.M.G. She is such. A. Tramp. MLIT
How awesome will it be when he ends up trying to chew their baby out of her womb? Especially because they’ll do the trendy thing and adopt.
I’m so happy to know that Kristen is the one making RPatt’s weiner sneeze.
The funniest thing about this is that RPat and KStew are Avatards, so instead of being abstinent, they try to fuck using their hair.
I saw Rob on The Daily Show and he came off as a real affible, likeable dude. He seemed perplexed by and seemed to look down on, the screeching hordes of fangirls, but was glad to take their money, so I have to say that this asshole is a pussified piece of shit and I hope he knocks Kristen up and she dies in labo(u)r and the baby is a mutant retard and his career falls into a death by drugged up choke bate midget gay hooker on video viral aaaaaggghhhhh I’msofuckingtiredofthisTwilightcrapFUCK!!
[Takes Adderall, scratches asshole, sniffs finger]
You think he has felt her womb?
*a surge in neutron radiation is detected…SUDDENLY Grethor appears!*
*incoming transmission*
Qaplah, forshak-hut dwelling human baktags! After reading relevant Hollywood insider scoop news of the magnitude such as this, The Mighty Feklahr is sure there is only one way to celebrate: the re-enactment of the Worf prune juice scene from episode 15 of season 3!
*Ker’Splatt approaches dressed like Guinan*
“Here. Try this.”
Dor sho gha! What in Kahless’ Beard is this? *chug*
“It is called prune juice, Worf.”
Guy’cha! *punches Ker’Splatt’s heart out through his back, pulls up the dress he was wearing and shoves empty juice glass up his ass*
WHERE IS MY SOUL MATE, WESLEY CRUSHER? I WANT MY HONOURLESS SON, ALEXANDER, TO WED US AT DAWN!!!
*pulls out AK-47…shoots up Ten Forward*
WHA HA HA! I RENOUNCE MY HONOUR AS A KLINGON AND MY OATH TO STARFLEET! I PREFER THE COMPANY OF ROMULANS!
*starts dry humping the dead bodies*
PRO-WRESTLING IS BETTER THAN MMA! QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY WAS PIONEERING TELEVISION!
*jumps on bar, sticks a bottle of cognac up his ass, ejaculates over everything*
A WARRIOR’S DRINK!!!
And now the rabid horde will kill her. And the world will be a better place, with much less lip biting.
Holy shit dude… that was awesome. I’d nom it, but, you know. Cheers!
I think Fek has that entire scene set as a macro in WordPad.
Stinky-That is closer to the truth than He is willing to admit.
kyPee, it’s Alt+F13.
I pressed Alt+F13 and was able to divide by zero.
I saw this coming from a mile away. Think about it, they have so much in common. Like how they both love the deeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuck.
I imagine that there are more than a few women over 30 who heard that those two are dating and began masturbating while fantasizing about not having sex.
This is a pleasant surprise.
Normally when I see “Oprah’s people” and “handle the talent” I expect some discussion about the length of stick or texture of rag.
I would pay good money to see Blade take those two out.