Lindsay's audition video
Last week I reported that Lindsay Lohan was attached to a Linda Lovelace biopic, a smaller, no-name-talent, rival production to a previously-announced Lovelace biopic. (To which Jacktion! astutely commented, “I think Lindsay Lohan is playing Linda Lovelace in the porn remake of the Linda Lovelace biopic.”) ANYWAY, believe it or not, the film Lohan is set to star in, Inferno, has found a distributor at Cannes. And this despite Lohan herself not being there, because she couldn’t find anyone to pay for her trip. Jeez, what’s the world coming to when a drugged-out, big-titted, bisexual, redheaded slut can’t even score a free trip to France? I hate this economy.
If Lindsay Lohan makes it to Cannes this year, it’ll be on her own dime. We hear she’s been trying to swing a free trip to the film festival to wrangle money for her new Linda Lovelace biopic, “Inferno,” but no one’s willing to pay for her. “She’s been asking around, but hasn’t had any takers,” says a source. [NYPost]
International sales on Inferno, the porn biopic now confirmed to star Lindsay Lohan, will be handled by London-based sales house WestEnd Films. Adapted from the memoir of infamous sword-swallower Linda Lovelace, Inferno follows her destructive relationship with pornographer Chuck Traynor, and her subsequent involvement in the feminist anti-pornography [hateful fascist] movement. Lohan described Inferno as “a tragic love story…the truthfulness of it is in the ways the characters connect, even in very unhealthy ways, and can’t get away from each other, find themselves interlocked. That element of Linda’s story feels to me very much like real life.” [TotalFilm - via Vulture]
Wait, you’re saying a nonfiction book about real life feels like real life? Alert the media. By the way, I find that last statement is funnier if you imagine Lindsay looking up from the book while speaking in the voice of David After Dentist. “…Is this real life?”
I also found this new video of Lindsay’s dentist appointment:
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/do-not-enter-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/scary-movie-5-has-a-depressing-new-trailer-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/James-Deen-Lindsay-Lohan-canyons-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/JAMES-DEEN-lindsay-lohan-150x150.jpg)
Five years from now, life imitates art as Lohan again has trouble finding people to pay her for porn.
Lindsay will end up doing so much research for the role that her jaw will sag worse than Ebert’s.
Lohan will be dead before they finish shooting this movie.
Lindsay didn’t realize that they were casting her because she looks like current day Linda Lovelace.
the truthfulness of it is in the ways the characters connect, even in very unhealthy ways, and can’t get away from each other, find themselves interlocked
If a better description of sex with Lindsay Lohan has ever been written, I haven’t read it.
SHE LOOKS MORE HOLLOW AND USED UP THAN I DO WHEN I DON’T HAVE A FIST UP INSIDE ME!
… WAIT A MINUTE, PROBLEM SOLVED!
So, obviously the title refers to Lindsay Lohan’s crotch. My question is, does it reference the hair color, the diseases, or both?
If we’re lucky Mort. If we’re lucky.
Who’s playing Traynor?
Duncan Majunkin?
Reached for comment, a barely conscious Lohan said “I don’t even know where Ferno is…”
In her defense, she instead of playing a pornstar named lovelace with Chuck Traynor, Lohan thought she would be playing the lace in a Chuck Taylor All Star film. You know, for Fox.
Man, Stony. Dick Martin is not looking good nowadays.
…the film Lohan is set to star in, Inferno, has found a distributor at Cannes.
If you’d have told me two weeks ago that Lindsay Lohan was working with a Can(nes) Distributor, I would have assumed you found a new, witty term for a pimp.
Anyone reading my previous comment should feel free to correct the syntax and capitalization errors.
Yeah, I’m not digging the avatar so much.
Traynor?! I don’t hardly know h… [a Niarobi bushman kicks in Crappy's office door, yells, "Aba(click) dengna ta(click)la Traynor!" and beats him to death with a Coke bottle]
Lindsay’s porn flick gets distributor, but she Cannes’t come
Awww, but she really has a Cannes-do attitude*!
*she’ll fuck everybody there.
She’s in ferno? At least she isn’t in fucking Bruges.
Wait, is my avatar still Pop-Tards?
A few years ago she could have found a way to get a ticket but now it’s common knowledge that a trip to the clinic after a dance with the red minge is just as much as a ticket to France