This is not the first time I’ve posted a clip from Hard Ticket to Hawaii, and so far I’ve learned a few things. First, I’ve learned that I must possess this film. Second, bazookas are very versatile. Today’s clip involves a woman with very large breasts being menaced by a large python with fangs, as pythons are wont to have. She shoots it in the mouth with a pistol, but it’s still alive. So her boyfriend, Lieutenant Tank Top, bursts through the wall on a motorcycle and shoots it with a bazooka. Which blows the snake’s head clean off, as bazookas are wont to do. It’s basically every keg party I went to in the 80s.
Just as a true story aside here, when we were in college, a friend of mine had a pet python which was quite large (no homo). One night he was drinking with friends and one thing led to another, yadda yadda yadda he blacked out and when he woke up, discovered that he’d cut it in half with a kitchen knife. The moral of the story: drugs are bad, mmm’kay? Though that would make a really exciting anti drug commercial. “My anti-drug? Kitchens full of decapitated snakes.”
-Thanks Stone Soup
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Magnum P.I. never encountered vicious pythons in Hawaii. Because he had a mustache, you see.
I know it shouldn’t, but it legitimately pisses me off when the spambots start their schpiel with “Who cares????” Really? You’re using my site to sell shit and you program the thing to insult me? I think it says a lot about society that in trying to teach a computer to think like an internet commenter, the first thing you teach it is to insult everyone.
I think what I learned from this clip is just how poorly exterior walls are constructed in Hawaii. And that dirt bikes are powered by fog machines.
Nah, if it was programmed like an internet commenter, it would start with “HUUURRRR FIRST”
Studies show that multiple question marks are very good at getting attention; that’s why teenagers always use them.
My anti-drug? Diacetylmorphine.
Also something that teenagers have suddenly found a use for: Lawrence Taylor’s backhand.
So you’re saying that wasn’t Trish after all?
I think it says a lot about society that in trying to teach a computer to think like an internet commenter, the first thing you teach it is to insult everyone.
Coming soon, Terminator: N00B Pwnage
Cutting a snake in half is how rednecks make fleshlights.
His anaconda don’t want none if you got guns, hun.
Who cares????? Wait, blonde with giant boobs and explosions? I care.
“Dude, you know what would be cooler than having a python? Having two pythons! Go ahead, man, pythons are like giant earthworms, the back half will grow another head in a day or two…”
“Don’t do drugs- it’ll sever your snake.” It’s like those anti-steroid announcements with the shrinking balls
one thing led to another, yadda yadda yadda he blacked out and when he woke up, discovered that he’d cut it in half with a kitchen knife.
Don’t worry, he’s since gone on to win the coveted #1 Dad coffee mug three fathers days in a row.
If that that python was anything like mine then he was just looking for a nice warm and moist hole to go into, the out of then into, then out of for a good 13 seconds. Then he has to go pee. Sometimes it stings.
Also, bazooka munitions may be used to destroy a very small target with pinpoint accuracy and zero damage to the surrounding environment.
I hear Lady Gaga’s python is more like a gardener snake.
Coincidentally, my Chatroulette name is Python69. Guys are always asking me if they can fire their bazooka at me.
The Rock is cooking a new up.
I’ve got a copy on disc, just tell me where to send it.