A while back I brought you the trailer for Rubber, which is actually about a psychic tire that explodes peoples’ heads. THANK GOD. And if that weren’t awesome enough, the tire is named “Robert.” It goes without saying that I must see this film. Now, thanks to Magnet Releasing and Magnolia Pictures, I may get that chance.
Magnet Releasing, the genre arm of Magnolia Pictures, announced today that it has acquired US rights to “Rubber”, which is currently screening as part of Cannes Critic’s Week. Directed by Quentin Dupieux [Pieux! Pieux!] (“Steak,” “Nonfilm”) [aka Mr. Oizo], the film tells the story of Robert, an inanimate tire (yes, a tire) that has been abandoned in the desert, and suddenly and inexplicably comes to life. As Robert roams the landscape, he discovers that he possesses “telepathic powers that give him the ability to destroy anything he wishes without having to move.” [IndieWire]
This sounds amazing. It reminds me a lot of my script for Dry Hump Sandwich, the Sandwich that Dry Humps. (FYI, the sandwich is named Charles. He’s horny from being trapped inside a fridge.).
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What wheel they think of next?
Robert’s demise will come at the hands of an Asian woman.
Maybe he was under a lot of pressure?
Alternate title: Don’t Tread on Me
At the end of his life, he moves near a lake and becomes a swinger.
Meh, it looks a little flat if you ask me.
Robert always was a little unbalanced.
Did Robert get his powers from a dying alien named Gink?
This film will be rated P165-70R15.
How’s he supposed to network without a hub?
*dances the Charleston over toward the corner*
This film looks radi(c)al!
This hasn’t been a Goodyear for Robert.
Killa Pascal…
“A film for all seasons!” – Pete Hammond
Peet – that was, word for word, what I was about to post…
Robert is the ultimate power in the universe, unless he runs into a more fearsome killdozer tire, or over a nail or a screw from construction on the Garden State Parkway…
I’m not in the office so will someone please nom Peet/Stone for me? Pretty please?
This movie looks RADI
CAL!FUCK.
I’m thinking this film’s traction will improve in the summer.
This movie looks RADI
CAL!Still a dick-step, Jack.
“Pssssst”. A little seeped out…
Onion, ketchup, and whatever Paris Hilton’s new perfume is supposed to be…
Robert remembers his experimental days in college when he was the back wheel of a bicycle.
A Black guy named Robert?
Still a dick-step, Jack.
What, I’m supposed to read other people’s comments?
Finally a film with some new ideas instead of another Hollywood retread.
You may think that it’s fun and macho, but to Robert, burning rubber is a hate crime.
Yo, Where the whitewalls at?
Now we’re rollin’!
I tire of this post.
Robert must be from Indiana because he looks like a Hoosier.
I knew this filling your tires with nitrogen shit was gonna cause trouble.
Reached for comment, a battered Robert had this to say: “Ha ha – I love you, patches…”
That tire gives a killer rim job.
Naming a tire will surely lead to an over-inflated ego.
He’s heartbroken when his girlfriend cheats on him. Turns out that a Firestone off an old Ford Explorer will blow for just about anybody.
Robert loves getting his holes plugged.
Robert doesn’t care for the butt sex. With that tread, he doesn’t get traction in the mud very well.
What was Robert’s motivation? He found out his ex wife was swinging.
Robert lost it after the film and got addicted to huffing fix-a-flat.
Goddammit, if I had known there would be this many tire-related puns I would have never come to this comment section.
(ok, I’m just upset because Crapbasket made a rim job joke before I could.
Robert is hanging out with rock stars now, but he’s still afraid of Slash.
What do you expect? He was a Goodyear and she was a Kumho…
Dey see me rollin’, dey heads explodin’.
*Final scene, robert has been captured by the U.S. Military, who is about to throw him in an incinerator. He psychically takes control of one of the privates assigned to this task and pleads with the general*
“Don’t kill me. Please spare tire.”
Sure, he can make your head explode, but Robert will shit himself if you come at him with a 2×4 with some nails in it.
After his murder spree, Robert rolled on down to his favorite rumble strip club.
It’s not the size of the wheel but the height of the sidewall that matters.
Rubber?!?! I don’t hardly know h… [Thai choke bate ninjas confuse Crappy with their next victim, Charlie Sheen, assault him, dress him in drag, hang him in the supply closet and choke bate him to death. Crappy dies with a smile]
I thought that Rubber usually keeps heads from exploding.
If you’re hanging upside down,
a smile is a frown.
Teased about his skid marks, Robert takes his revenge!
Robert’s main enemy is the AAA instead of the KKK. He’s seen enough of his brothers swinging from trees to know how it is in America…
He just got sick and fucking tired of football players stepping in him.
I’m gonna eat Rolo’s when I see this movie.
As Robert approaches, all are filled with a sense of tread.
I’d like to change this movie but I think I’ll get a man to do it for me.
You’re gonna have to put out, then…
Always do.
If you stick a penny in Robert and see Lincoln’s head, there will be six more weeks of shitty movies being released.