In today’s edition of Stars Are Just Like Us, Cuba Gooding gets drunk and rambles incoherently.
Oscar-winner Cuba Gooding Jr. recently took a break from making movies like Daddy Day Camp and Norbit (Japanese title: “Mad Fat Wife”, true story) to do what many Oscar winners before him have done: give a drunken, rambling toast to a bar in Spokane. Luckily, like herpes, TMZ was there. I took the time to transcribe his speech, because as anyone who’s ever been arrested for public intoxication and later read the police report knows, these things are much funnier when you see them written out.
“May those who love us, all over the world, love us. May those who don’t, may God, show them, by way of their… Hey! I want y’all to pay attention! FIREFIGHTERS! Listen, this is serious! May those who love us, love us! All over the world. May those who don’t, may God bless their hearts. If he doesn’t bless their hearts, may he turn their ankles so we know them by the way of their limp. That’s what’s up! Drink it up! And God bless the USA!”
Say what you will about his movie choices, Cuba Gooding’s Oscar speech was probably the most memorable in my lifetime — along with A-Brode making out with Halle Berry. Granted, I love a drunk, but the kid has charisma. And if you’re thinking it’s sad that an Oscar winner is getting drunk with the townies in Spokane on a Wednesday*, hey, at least it’s not a Barilla commercial with Dan Cortese. So here’s to you, buddy, and may God bless rambling, excitable drunks everywhere.
*TMZ doesn’t say when this was shot, so it could’ve been the weekend, or two years ago.
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Turn their ankles so we know them by their limp? What? Why not just freakin kill them? Or maim?
Cuba’s praying that God treats our enemies like Cathy Bates in Misery?
He deserved an Oscar statue for Rat Race. Shoved right up his ass.
May god bless all our friends with Oscars despite inexplicable movie decisions.
Dor sho gha! Looks like Cuba is experiencing bIj! Later he will experience “bleecccchhh’aaarrrffff”! WHA HA HA!
*rides off on scooter powered by Corgis wearing stilts*
Fek, you really tied Uproxx together.
Bravo, sir.
This speech would have been better if the audience members were all cats.
Firefighter cat or GTFO!
I didn’t know they served Colt 45 at bars in Spokane.
What TMZ didn’t cover is that, after this, Cuba Gooding Jr. was arrested for beating up cripples while yelling “WHY WON’T YOU JUST LOVE US?!”
SHOW ME THE MOYET!
It would make sense that Cuba has resorted to drinking since all of his films from the past decade Jägerbombed.
well…i live in spokane and am a member of the official “keep cuba gooding jr out of spokane” facebook page. this video was not filmed by TMZ. it was filmed by a dude in spokane earlier this year and tmz found it on the aforementioned group page. it was filmed earlier this year sometime around january. cuba has been involved in the filming of about 4 movies in this area and is not fondly remembered by the majority of club goers. hes kinda a giant asshole.