toddphillips-gangbang-Seagal-Polanski

You know that scene where Todd Phillips has the cameo in Old School?  Yeah, this story is kind of like that.  Don’t stop reading this block quote, because the best part is at the end.

A Connecticut man who was feuding with his neighbor targeted her in an explicit online posting that invited strangers to a rowdy orgy with a bored soccer mom, police said.

Philip James Conran, 42, made his first court appearance Thursday, but did not enter a plea to charges including reckless endangerment, harassment, criminal trespass and risk of injury to a minor.

The charges stem from an April 5 posting on Craigslist that said a West Hartford woman wanted to “please as many as I can before I go to work!”  The Craigslist ad, titled “Looking for lust,” was purported to be written by a married soccer mom hoping to fulfill her fantasy of group sex and inviting strangers to “please come play.” It listed her street address. Men started showing up at her door and in her neighborhood, prompting her brother-in-law to stand guard and write down visitors’ license plates, police said. He also shooed away those bold enough to come to the door, including one who threatened to post her picture at soccer fields around town, authorities said.

One man who showed up went to the wrong house, where he groped a teenage girl, police said. He has been charged with sexual assault and other counts. His attorney said his client has psychological issues and plans to plead not guilty. [Boston.com -Thanks to Monty for the tip]

It doesn’t say, but I’m assuming that last guy had to be Steven Seagal.  Look, you promised the man a gangbang, and now there’s no gangbang.  Poor guy, look at him, he’s all disoriented.  Now he’ll probably grope anyone unlucky enough to wander into his field of view.  If you want to avoid a groping, it’s best to stand very still.  His vision is based on movement.