UPDATE: According THR, the date on the press release was a mistake, and The Hobbit is actually on track for 2012.
Bad news, folks. MGM owns The Hobbit, and MGM is having a hell of a time getting their sh*t together right now. It’s like they just graduated from community college and now they’re just floating. Now, on the heels of news that they hadn’t even greenlit The Hobbit yet, comes an updated release schedule from the distributor, WB, that has The Hobbit‘s originally-planned 2011 release pushed to 2013. And since the Mayans are planning to end the world in 2012 with their ancient ethnic sorcery, we may not see it at all. Quoth the press release:
Under the agreement, Warner Bros. movies that will be released in IMAX are: Legends of the Guardian: The Owls of Ga’Hoole 3D (September 24, 2010); Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (3D) (November 19, 2010); Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II (3D) (July 15, 2011); Happy Feet 2 (3D) (November 18, 2011); and The Hobbit (December 2013). Warner Bros. and IMAX also plan to release an additional 15 films over the course of 2011, 2012 and 2013, including Gravity, Dark Shadows, Fury Road, Batman 3, and Superman.
Jesus, December 2013? If my calculations are correct, that’s like… almost 2014. By then, you might even be able to finish watching your three-disc Lord of the Rings Criterion collection DVDs, with the four-hour director’s cuts and 6700 hours of special footage, Lord of the Rings: The Elfening. Then you can go see The Hobbit with Orlando Bloom, your new common-law husband.


By 2014 those interested in seeing The Hobbit might have gotten laid!
Naw, just kidding.
As somebody who owns 3 Criterion T-shirts, a Criterion coffee mug, a Criterion toddler-T, and the entire collection (except three out-of-print titles) I feel compelled to correct what I am sure was a deliberate error:
The Lord of the Rings is not part of the Criterion Collection!.
/serious
I can see it on the moon !
So Seltzer and Friedberg could actually release Hobbit Movie before The Hobbit comes out?
Now wait just a goddamn minute.
They’re making a Happy Feet 2?!
They want to release it on the ten-year anniversary of Sister Act 2, hoping that people dumb enough to like that movie will get confused and show up to theaters.
I can wait for a few more years for The Hobbit, but the fact that I had to wait 6 years for a Happy Feet sequel is intolerable!
MGM: Dude, we’re broke.
WB: Well, don’t you have any properties you could use that are sure fire money makers that we could distribute to save yourselves?
MGM: Well, we have James Bond, ans The Hobbit.
WB: For fuck’s sake, man! There’s a few billion in profit right there! You’re saved!
MGM: Naaawwww, I think we’ll jerk around until we’re forced into a chapter 11 reorganization, sit on these properties untill there value degrades, and then make the films.
WB:…Isn’t MGM run by jews?
MGM: No, Harry Sloan, he’s Scottish.
WB: Ah.
Aww… all that stretching for a shitty joke and I confused the words ten and twenty
*flogs self, flogs dolphin, fucks dolphin*
Went for a grammar/typo record in that one I did.
stand very still and maybe this joke wont keep getting recycled..
cmon.. youre better than that vince.
Well Donk, looks like it’s just you and me at the CJC today. Care to spoon?
Ha! Bit ch.
Ahhh! A black man!!
^^^donk (can i call you donk?) its gotta go more like:
*flogs self, flogs dolphin, fucks dolphin, writes book, gets movie deal*
maybe throw in another *flog* for good taste
our nerd boners may not have to wait as long as we thought… looks like someone at IMAX made a boo-boo
[www.heatvisionblog.com]
(can i call you donk?)
Sure, but I’m calling you “riorQuee”
I’m not in it (dolphin pussy) for the money, I’m in it because Princess SqueeSquee and I love each other very much.
PRINCESS SQUEESQUEE’S A BOY!
So the rumors came up short?
i thought squee squee was a goddess? as in
Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover
Bad Uruk Hai, no hobbit!
You know the rules Donk. Just put a tutu on him and get drunk.