Nic Cage recently purchased a miniature pyramid-shaped tomb where he apparently intends to be interred. It’s strange that he’d be thinking about his own mortality this early in life. Judging by his freakishly creaseless forehead, he must be what, seven? Eight years old, tops?
TMZ has learned Cage recently had a 9-foot tall pyramid-shaped super-tomb built in a New Orleans cemetery — with the expectation that it will be his final resting place.
It’s unclear why Cage chose a pyramid-shaped building — but it’s probably no coincidence that there happens to be a pyramid-shaped symbol on the poster for his classic film, “National Treasure.” [TMZ]
Really, TMZ? “Probably no coincidence?” Somehow I don’t think Nic Cage intends his own tomb as marketing for a sh*tty movie he did 30 or 40 years before. That’s not even his most recognizable role. That’d be like Patrick Swayze’s headstone having a Too Wong Foo… theme. Probably, Nic Cage just thinks he’s a pharaoh. In fact, I hear he now refers to dying as “going to that big Luxor Casino in the sky.” If Nic Cage were to commit suicide, I could see him doing it with an asp. I can’t imagine him doing it any other way, really.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Titanic-Hate-mail-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Nic-Cage-Pepsi-Denim-Jacket-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/MAC_and_Me_photo_625px-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Pew-pew-murka-150x150.jpg)
WTF, it’s just so the sunlight doesn’t fade his comic book covers!
…
What?
Cage will put three smaller pyramids in front for his ex-wives Arquette, Presley and Kim.
King Puts Tomb
Tomb? Please, everyone knows that this is where Nic Cage sleeps. Hanging from the ceiling like a bat, slumbering amongst the dead.
No metaphore here, he probably just sphinx it’s cool.
Years from now, when aliens land on our abandoned planet, they will find this structure. Assuming it is a monument constructed to honor an exalted leader, a team of the bravest extra-terrestrial travelers will be assembled to open and inspect the tomb.
As the group’s captain makes a slow and deliberately cautious entry into the pyramid, he will fall to his knees and exclaim to his crew “False alarm – it’s fucking Nic Cage.”
In fairness, Swayze was buried in a sequined Sarina Soriano empire waist frock and Dries Van Noten over sized bangle necklace. Not sure about the shoes.
Brett Ratner wishes to be buried in Nick Jonas’ ass
Obviously Cage is a scholar and is fully aware that the Egyptian pyramids were intended to house the pharaohs’ earthly treasures, so that they could be brought with them to the afterlife. That’s why he built a mini-pyramid. At the rate he’s going, when he dies all that will be left is his son’s Manic Panic and pleather jack-boots.
With all his money woes it was no surprise that Nic Cage would fall for a …..pyramid scheme. Ha-cha-cha.
Ironically, Nic Cage’s death will probably involve getting punched by a guy dressed in a bear costume.
I hear he had it built by midgets dressed as Jews.
Werner Herzog’s tomb is shaped like a bear with an iguana tail and Klaus Kinski’s face.
in honor of To Wong Foo…, I’m burying myself inside a transvestite.