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Regardless of whether it’s true or not, reporting former assistant Kayden Nguyen’s allegation that Steven Seagal has a “unique physiological reaction” to sexual arousal was my favorite story of the year.  (If she didn’t want to get sexually harassed, her parents should’ve given her a less whorey name, but I digress).  Nonetheless, people are beginning to dig up old stories about Seagal, and a pattern has begun to emerge.  Here’s what Jenny McCarthy told Movieline back in 1998 about her “audition” for Under Siege 2:JENNY-MCCARTHY-HOSE

“I go inside his (Seagal’s) office, which has shag carpet and this huge couch, and he’s by himself and says, ‘Sit on my couch.’” She continued, “[He says] ‘So, you were Playmate of the Year?’”

“Then he said: ‘take off your dress,’” McCarthy continued. “I just started crying and said: ‘Rent my Playboy video, you a*****e!’ and ran out to the car.”

“…and then he gave my future baby autism with his mind!”  Wait, I don’t understand. Is her car where she keeps her lube?  C’mon, this story was just starting to get sexy. Anyway, that excerpt came from a CBS story, and the tales of Steven Seagal pervyness don’t end there:

Also in 1998, nine women came forward in a Penthouse magazine feature to tell their tales of harassment at the hands of the action film star.According to the Reuters News Service, a 2001 lawsuit brought by Patricia Nichols, who apparently worked on a recording project with Seagal, alleged that the actor directed “inappropriate comments and actions toward her.”

Seagal testified about the suit that he was “being shaken down,” and that he was “embarrassed to be here today for this fabrication.”

The jury agreed, at least in part, with the “Marked for Death” star, ruling that Seagal slandered Nichols but didn’t owe her any damages. [Source]

Can you really put anything past Steven Seagal?  As someone who’s been doing martial arts for a few years now, I can tell you that martial arts people are the weirdest group of people in the world.  Especially Aikido, Steven Seagal’s specialty.  Seriously, go to an Aikido class some time, it’s like a god damned NAMBLA meeting in there.  I think Aikido actually translates to “The way of the groping hand.”

More to the point, I’m ashamed of Steven Seagal.  You just don’t expect this kind of creepy behavior from a sweaty, greasy, squinty guy with a ponytail who dresses in flowing robes.