
According to Vulture, an offer went out to Jack Nicholson to star in CBS Films’ LASt VEGAS, a script insiders say is like an AARP version of The Hangover meets Grumpy Old Men meets no f*cking thanks.
The script comes from red-hot screenwriter Dan Fogelman (Cars, Bolt) [Uh...] , who also penned Warner Bros.’ still-untitled Steve Carell–Ryan Gosling comedy that begins filming next month. VEGAS follows four estranged male childhood friends from the fifties who reunite in Vegas to finally marry off Billy, the lifelong unmarried playboy of the group, who — fittingly — might be played by Nicholson. The conflict comes when both Billy the bachelor and Paddy, the widower of the group, begin vying for the affections of the same lounge singer.
Vulture has a script excerpt of the part that introduces Nicholson’s character (if he does agree to sign on), so you can read that over there. I imagine the rest of it includes jokes where the old guys sabotage each other by replacing their gold bond with itching powder, putting Ben Gay on the inside of their Depends, and replacing their heart pills with Viagra, or their Viagra with ecstasy, or their ecstasy with Flomax. Jack Nicholson will be trying to get a boner when all of a sudden he finds his restless leg syndrome cured and gets the urge to recklessly gamble. What am I trying to say is that there will be a joke about switched pills, because that is literally Hollywood’s favorite joke.
Also: AARP version of The Hangover < LARP version of The Hangover. Just sayin’.




Jack Nicholson’s hangover obscures his belt buckle.
In this version, the guys steal Muhammad Ali’s gorilla and then they have to return some money to Arnold from Happy Days. (We can just CGI Pat Morita in from beyond the grave.)
The only thing red hot about Dan Fogelman is the fiery car crash I heard he died in last night.
Hey now, is this about me ? No… no, me and my buddy with Bell’s palsy were vying for the affections of the same crack whore behind the Gold Spike. Honest mistake.
Something about that pic tells me the girl in the blue bikini’s ass smells like roast beef.
Smells like mothballs in here today.
That’s ok, the next one smells like . . . y’know what? Not gonna do it.
New up.