WELCOME BACK, MY LIFE IS TWILIGHT
03.19.10
It’s been a long three weeks since MyLifeIsTwilight.com stopped updating, but now they’re back, and I thought we’d celebrate with a run through of some of the most groan-worthy recent entries. I find that my enjoyment is much enhanced by adding “lol wut?” to the end of each entry.
At my middle school we all get Mac laptops which are white and shiny. We all named them Edward. MLIT [lol wut?]
Today my friend took a bite of an orange. She flinched and said “whoa, it’s strong…. but not as strong as Edward,” and walked away dramatically. MLIT [lol wut?]
A few weeks ago I broke my leg, and I had to be in a boot for prom. I was told I looked like Bella Swan 32 times that night. MLIT [lol wut?]
Today, I punched my guy friend in the face. He laughed. I did not break my hand, but it really hurt. I brightened up a little thinking of Twilight. MLIT [lol wut?]
I woke up this morning and said to my mom my neck hurts then she said well you fell off your bed and stayed on the floor last night thats probably why and I said oh I thought Edward came to life from one of my posters and bit me so then we can be together forever and she started laughing at me! MLIT [lol wut?]
Today, my sister and I played Lego Batman. We soon realized that Catwoman can dazzle the enemies. I screamed, “SHE’S EDWARD CULLEN!!!” My sister proceeded to laugh and then said whenever I had to dazzle the workers to open doors, “Dazzle them, Edward!” [lol wut?]
Today, Facebook decided to tell me in its own special way that I look up too much Twilight stuff. It suggested I become friends with someone called ‘Kristen Cullen’. I have no connection to her – it’s just that her name is Cullen. MLIT [lol wut?]
It’s fun. It’s like adding “…in bed” to your fortune cookie, or “as long as there aren’t any gays in there” to anything Tom Cruise says.
[banner pic from here]
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/11/Twilight-breakdawn-2-150x150.jpg)
Today, I punched my guy friend in the face. He laughed. I did not break my hand, but it really hurt. I brightened up a little thinking of Twilight. …and then he proceed to beat me until I was all pale and covered in blood. MLIT
It helps if you read the LOL Wut part like a Stone Cold Steve Austin fan.
Today I ordered a case of Bon Bons and adopted 32 cats. FMLIT
Someone made fun of me when I was carrying my cat Rascal in the basket of my Rascal today. That would never happen in Twilight so I’m renaming him Edward. MLILOLWUT
Burnsy says:
It helps if you read the LOL Wut part like a Stone Cold Steve Austin fan.
Drunk and jobless? Okay, but I’ll need a few minutes.
Today my friend Otis and i got lost and had an adventure MILO
Today my owner rubbed body glitter on my fur to pretend I was Edward.
Meow Life is Twilight.
Today I met Paul Bernardo. He told me that he watches me frequently from my window. Someday he will take my virginity and give me a special gift. MLIT
Today I waxed my asshole and in pain I bit down on my lip. MLIT
Today I filmed a bukkake, When I was done I was all white and shiny…and sticky. MLIT
Last week, my best friend was finally taken by his drug addiction. I can’t help but be somewhat relieved, as I no longer have to be people’s second favorite. MLILB
Today, Uproxx tried to sell me official Twilight movie merchandise. MLIT?
“A few weeks ago I broke my leg, and I had to be in a boot for prom. I was told I looked like Bella Swan 32 times that night.”
“The other 300 students just avoided me because I smell like cat pee.”
Today somebody stole my sandwich. MBLT
Today I graduated top of my class in computer engineering with a double minor in graphics design. MIT
I’m incredibly brilliant and have no social skills. MIT
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Today I shaved my cat and poured glitter all over his skin and made him bit my neck. He seemed confused, so I read him the saga while we shared a plate of cheese whiz. MLIT
Mea Culpa. My life es twilight.
Today I realized that when I take the bottle of Mrs. Buttersworth out of the fridge to pour on my cupcakes, the condensation sparkles…Just like Edward. MLIT
I love to watch baseball and scream, “HOW ABOUT THAT!” TWIB
Today I watched the movie again and touched myself to the point of carpal tunnel. MYCLIT
Today I quit my PhD program in the English department and will leave with the degree I have earned already. M.LIT
I pour beer on my wife’s face after I beat her. Just like Stone Cold! Lol MLIWWF
Today, girls chased me down the street screaming “Edward!” again. Why can’t they just accept me as Rob Pattinson? TIML
I HATE my friends. I say ‘Less Filling’, they yell ‘Tastes Great!’. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME! M.Lite
Today I got over 500 letters from girls address to this Robert Pattinson guy. There must be some mistake, because my name is Patton Robertson. MLIT
Today I wrote a movie script with a CRAAAAAAZY twist. You’ll never guess it. Ever. Go ahead try, I dare you. M.NS
My new Edward and Jacob posters came in the mail today! MLIM&Ms
When I’m on my period I wear my Edward Cullen panties but no tampon. TMI MLIT
just ate some cereal MLIT [lol wut?]