(Oh whatever, like you’ve never experimented with machete play.)
I just watched the trailer for this Serbian movie, and sweet. mother. of God. It’s the story of an ex-porn star who’s down and out and gets mixed up in some freaky, shady stuff while he struggles to make ends meet — so basically, the Serbian version of Boogie Nights. Starring Serbian Mark Wahlberg, who looks like Karl Hungus. It includes Serbian machete snuff sex, lots of blood, lots of boobs, and someone getting their head caved in with a dumb bell. I promised myself I wouldn’t use this as an excuse for calling the Serbs crazy, but I’m not the one who called it A Serbian Movie. It makes sense — anything will get you killed in that part of the world. God help you if you show up looking like a member of the bushy mustache tribe in a village of the Silly Hat ethnic minority. Anyway, this is me after watching this trailer:
It’s way too NSFW to embed, but you can watch it here. Though, as I’ve said, I wouldn’t recommend it unless you want to be scarred for life. Which, if you arrived here via a Google search for “Serbian Machete Sex,” I imagine might be the case.
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Machete sex makes the dockey punch look like a neck hickey.
Donkey*
Sorry, I’m on percocet.
Serbian Machete Sex is nothing to Croat.
I thought you were referring to the Dockers punch, which involves wrinkle free sperm.
My former roommate was Serbian. Can’t say the experience was all that different.
Well, she did chase me with a machete when I said it was good that Kosovo had declared its independence.
*Uses voice recognition software to type comments due to lack of hands*
Or the docking punch which requires a short wind-up
BECAUSE IF THEY’RE DOCKING THEY’RE STANDING FACE TO FACE
She probably signed up for the part thinking it said “Sybian Machine Sex” and she found out the hard way it wasn’t when the director yelled “CUT!”.
Nothing says Monday morning like a good drive-thru hooter grab
Serbian Mark Wahlberg hangs with a funky bunch more known for their smell than their dance moves.
Would “Serbian Machete Sex” make a good band name?
After jerking off to 2 girls one cup I was sure I would never get an erection again. I happily stand corrected.
Serbian Mark Wahlberg wants you to say zdravo to your majka for him
Serbian Mark Wahlberg would have told you to say hi to your mom if she hadn’t already been stoned to death.
DAMNIT!
Does this mean Jason Vorhees wasn’t evil and that he was just a Serbian? He must have saw all those teens having sex and thought he could join in.
After I chop up my sexual partner with a machete, I like to tell them “You just got Serb’d!”.
So it’s just Danny Trejo fucking two Serbian chicks, right?
I thought machete sex went out in the late 70′s.
I always felt 8mm was way too glam to accurately depict the world of snuff films and no one is more snuffery than the Serbs.
Wouldn’t a rapier be more appropriate?
For all situations, I mean.
Serbian Machete Sex has always been an edgy topic.
Tagline: They just fucked with the wrong Serbian….
This movie makes Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist look like Walt Disney’s Antichrist.
Idea for horror film. You go to see this movie on the big screen, and you are inside of a darkened theater w/ people who want to see this movie.
Now that’s one sick horor movie. It’s named “Serbian Film”, and it’s totaly anti-serbian. I didn’t saw the movie but the trailer made me sick.
By the way if you see a member of a bushy mustache tribe in a village of the Silly Hat ethnic people which will kill you for your organs, you are probably in Albania. And if you are white run for your life. They will probably think you are a Serbian. Especially if you are wearing a Novak Djokovic t-short.