Remember how we spoiled the ending of The Orphan, where mini Madonna turned out not to be a child at all, but a rare, fully-grown, sociopathic dwarf hooker? Well, after the jump I’m going to spoil Robert Pattinson and the annoying chick from Lost‘s new movie (CHAAAHLIE MY BAIBY NOOOAARR!). It’s called Remember Me, you know the one, the one that has the commercial where the annoying chick is like, “Sorry, I don’t date sociology majors,” and RPattz is all “Good thing I’m undecided,” and the Lost chick is like, “What are you undecided about?” And he’s all, “I dunno, the meaning of life, my sexuality; everything.”
Yeah, we’re gonna spoil that. Admit it, you weren’t going to see it anyway. It might not be secret dwarf hooker worthy, but it’s still pretty juicy like my thighs.
Gawker‘s covering it today too, but here’s the email I got from Andrew a couple weeks ago:
Though viewers are led to believe that the movie is set in the present day, it’s actually set in 2001. In the final moments of the film, Robert Pattinson’s character has a fight with his girlfriend, played by Emilie de Ravin. He leaves to go to his father’s office and when he arrives, he rides the elevator up to the 92nd-floor. As he waits for his father, he looks out the window and helpleslly watches American Airlines Flight 11 hit the building and dies in what is now known as 9/11.
Wow. That puts The Curious Case of Benjamin Button‘s pointless name drop of Hurricane Katrina at the end to shame. SPOILER ALERT: Rosebud is World War I.
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So the end of LOST will be that the island was hit by the Holiday Tsunami and then fell on Dale Earnhardt?
So it has a happy ending?
*sigh*
If only life actually imitated art
*throws shuriken at Edward Cullen pillow*
*stands up and cheers* now THATS a frickin ending
I’m sorry, and please forgive the sanctimonious outrage, but it truly is insensitive and disrespectful to keep casting Robert Pattinson in movies.
You can tell it’s set in 2001 because everybody’s still talking about how awesome ‘The Matrix’ was.
/serious
Fucking seriously? Way to include a national tragedy to make your bullshit POS romantic movie seem so much deeper. Fuck you, Hollywood.
…and then Edward jumped out of the way just in time.
The End.
Edward can’t die you dirty birdie. -MLIT
You can tell it’s set in 2001 because Pierce Brosnan is giving him advice to invest in Enron in that banner pic.
Holy shit I can not wait to convince girls to see this.
/not serious
I wish this ended like My Girl and Pattinson could die after being stung by a vagina
You can tell it’s 2001 because nobody is talking about the excitement they feel for the upcoming Salt Lake City Winter Olympics.
By the way, “CHAAAHLIE MY BAIBY NOOOAARR!” is fucking fantastic.
You can tell it’s 2001 because people still want to fuck Lindsay Lohan.
I’m not secret dwarf hooker worthy either but you go on and just try to keep me away from those child beauty pageants.
Which mongoloid decided that forcing people to watch 9/11 from a new viewpoint and without any warning was a good idea?
I wish it was 2001 so HAL could shut of the life support on this movie
The only way I want to see Robert Pattinson in 2001 is if he’s killed by an evil computer.
There’s part of me that is appalled by this, but it’s being overwhelmed by the part of me that’s wondering what to do with this enormous erection.
You can tell it’s 2001 because Vince has a cameo where he’s sucking dick for crack at the carnival.
Fuck.
You know the rules CROOOOW!
We have to touch dicks.
not about 9/11, about sparkle-face dying. that could be our compromise with the terrorists, give em the cast of twilight and high school musical while they can still blow themselves up, they just have to do it on Oprah Winfrey’s property
*off
I wish it was 2001 so I could bash in someones skull with an ape femur
You know, this is a brilliant move. This way, if the movie bombs, they can call it sociological performance art.
So it’s a comedy?
You know it’s 2001 because before taking the job he tries to get on Weakest Link.
You can tell it’s 2001 because Filmdrunk.biz won’t shut up about Zoolander.
Sigh, so true. Do they make us wear condoms doing this too? Fascists
I mean seriously, knowing this is almost enough to make me want to go to an opening night showing packed with Twitards, and record their reaction. The slow dawn of realization when they see what building he’s entering… the whispers of, “no, come on, are you serious? They wouldn’t dare…” then BLAM! cue the house lights two seconds before the plane enters the last shot. Admit it, it’s gonna be fucking glorious.
The alternate ending had Pattinson’s character going to a friend’s house, dropping trou, bending over and pulling apart his ass cheeks as he asks, “So you promise, no one is ever gonna see these but us, right?”
I’m going to start asking lots of girls out, just to force them to watch this shit.
You can tell it’s set in 2001 because Durst isn’t yet a negative eponym
/serious
my cousin was the co-pilot on the second plane that hit the WTC.
you’re welcome.
No wonder you have zero charisma.
This could start a trend. Maybe next year, the twist at the end of Happenstance Remembered will be Justin Bieber getting sucked into Sullenberger’s jet engine.
“how’s it end?” – the early drafts
* breaks up with girlfriend, gets eaten by dinosaur turns out movie was secretly set in 20,000 BC
* breaks up with girlfriend, boards zepellin, turns out movie was secretly set in 1937
* breaks up with girlfriend, pics up Jodie Foster magazine, shoots Ronald Reagan, turns out movie was secretly set in 1981
* breaks up with girlfriend, eats rotting meat, catches black plague, turns out movie was secretly set in 14th century
You can tell it’s 2001 because Timothy McVeigh is still da bomb.
There would be no end to the joy I would get out of standing up in front of the theater, yelling, “He’s going into the World Trade Center, he’s going to die” and then LeBron James throw my popcorn over the 1st 4 rows
You can tell it’s 2001 because I just lost my virginty in a movie theatre showing Shrek…I don’t know why all those kids are screaming. I made sure to use a dong bag.
Pauly, I ain’t saying he would have been aiming for Pattinson…I’m just sayin’…
The End…?
Wait, RP was in the first tower? Well, at least now we know how that steel got hot enough to melt!
*rubs nipples; cries*
Somewhere Manny Shamalam is shaking his fist at the sky
Jeesus humping Mary üłPåÿ, @2:21… I’m jumping on a plane to AZ so I can blow you.
Any chance Taylor Lautner is in the Pentagon? Or maybe even the field in Pennsylvania?
CAN SOMEBODY FUCKING KILL THAT FUCKING IDIOT ALREADY?!!
You know what I love about Robert, his beautiful blue eyes, and how one blew that way, and the other blew that way…
The upside to this is that when all these twitards look up 9/11 after seeing this they’ll get the contard conspiracy sites and will then become twicontards and I will have reason to despise them 84.3 times more.
thats a badass ending im totally gonna see that, anyone know if the australian chick is all dirty and muddy and showling lots of cleavage at some point in the film? cause i really likes that
As long as Remington Steele survives. MLIRS.
Looks like the killer was in….
*sunglasses*
plane view.
YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Just remember the message, ladies: Even if you’re mad at him, never let your boyfriend go without giving him a beej, because he might die in a terrorist attack the next day if you don’t and then you’d feel really bad.
Sunlight makes RPat sparkly, but not as sparkly as jet fuel does.
You can tell it’s 2001 because the film’s title is first uttered by Nancy Reagan.
You can tell it’s 2001 because people are still making dimpled chad jokes.
You can tell it’s 2001 because Train is about to fly their band right into a toilet.
Holy shit. Do you realize how screwed up this is going to leave the many Twihards who go see it? I just want to wait outside the doors as they file out crying.
(helpleslly watches American Airlines Flight 11 hit the building and dies in what is now known as 9/11) Actually he’s watching the end of his career coming at him like a freight train. Way to turn that into a gimmick you schmuck.
You can tell its 2001 because M. Night Shyamalan is still thinking up twist endings.
(oddly enough, M. Night’s ‘The Last Airbender’ has a similarly themed 9/11 twist ending)
(also his cameo is as Marwan al-Shehhi)
it really is just too damn bad this movie will only be out for 2 weeks… I’d really love to see all those TwiHards get mentally scarred. If you thought they were suicidal before… ha!
this movie ends better than inglourious basterds did.
Okay, I’ve decided, this is the best ending EVAR. Hey, Team Edward?! DEUS EX MACHINA MOTHERFUCKERS! Deus as in Allah and Machina as in a MOTHERFUCKING 747! Drive home safe, now!
The Lost chick is going to regret doing the movie when she starts receiving 500 lbs of Twihard hate mail every single day.
And, since the mail doesn’t get delivered on Sundays, two average sized Twihard (250 lbs each) will show up at her house to harass her.