Bro. Dude. Bro. I got the best idea. *takes huge bong load* We should spend $100 million. On a movie about *blows out smoke* CGI owls that fight. *cough, cough*
So this is the trailer for Legend of the Guardians, Zack Snyder’s $100 million CGI animated adaptation of Kathryn Lansky’s The Guardians of Ga’Hoole books, featuring the voices of all your favorite Australians. And yes, it’s about Owls that fight. And here I thought all owls were four-eyed poindexters who sat around pondering the finer points of tootsie pops. Said the voice of Hugo Weaving, “Not us, mate. Weah focken’ baaahn owls. It’s the dingos that hoide theah babies from us, the cunts.” Anyway, movie opens in September and it’s the latest addition to Zack Snyder’s thesis: “Slow Motion Makes Anything Look Cool. Literally Anything.”
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What, no Ethan Hawke?
*sits in corner, turns head around 180 degrees to watch the action*
I wish this was a Jesus allegory, like those Narnia movies.
Then it could be Birds of Pray.
Yeah, yeah, I’m going to the corner.
I can’t wait to dissect this turd.
*perches next to Donk*
Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a–AAAAHHH! IT LATCHED ON TO MY JUGULAR!! GRRGGLE–
Writers of Birdemic: “Holy fuck this looks retarded”.
Owls make terrible pets. First, they’re nocturnal. Second, their razor sharp talons would cut you to the bone. Third, they’re solitary, coming together only to breed.
So pet owls only come out at night, they don’t want to deal with you, and they can scrape the skinny off your arm bones with ease and precision.
Ever notice how diet Dr. Pepper tastes so much like the regular stuff?
When I said I wanted Snyder to make a film about hooters…this wasn’t what I had in mind.
Yeah, because if I’m going to choose a guardian, you better believe it’s gonna be one that sleeps all fucking day in a tree hole.
Just remember, owls that die in battle go to Vowlhalla. If you head to Valhowla looking for birds, don’t be surprised to see dogs.
JK Rowling kinda wishes she’d thought of this.
In case you missed it, I didn’t get this up in time for my link dump this morning, but here’s another podcast I was on. You know, if you’re into that.
http://podcasts.gunaxin.com/the-gunaxin-show-episode-8/48614
Carry on.
[midnight, downtown alley]
Give me yo muthafuckin wallet!
ATTACK, ARCHIMEDES!
[pistol whip]
ARCHIMEDES?
[pistol whip]
FUCK YOU, ARCHIMEDES!
Wait, why do they have helmets?
These guys are the American Volunteer Border Guard Militia formed in response to movies like ‘An American Tail’ and characters like Speedy Gonzalez.
Owls are such racists…
More like “Legends of the Fowl,” amirite?!
*lacks self-awareness; waits for laughs*
….WITH AN OWL!
Best. Fast Show Sketch. Ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_a1wxqloEs&NR=1
BUBO or GTFO!
I thought that in the anthropomorphic furry bible that owls were supposed to be old and wise?
This is like making an elephant with alzheimers or a chihuahua that speaks korean.
Rasta Moose disapproves of this concept.
Donk, vowels that die go to former Soviet bloc countries where, sadly, they can’t be used.
That’s because of inflation Michael Cera Palin. The Russians will be damned if they’re paying that Sajak motherfucker $250 apiece.
My girlfriend:so is that an owl with a battle helmet in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
Me: No that’s my cock you stupid bitch!
/nerd
The slowmo battle owl of doom takes 1100 hit points when you use the arcane aura spell!
/nerd
In Soviet Russia, vowels buy you (etc., etc).
so..basically.. all they have to do to not get attacked by owls is not do anything at night? FAIL
“attack them Owlexander!”
*whoo*
“my enemies Owlexander, theyre right in front of us, attack them now!”
*whoo*
“aw goddamnit, just go catch a mouse or something. but give me your helmet, im gonna eBay it to a ‘Guardians of the Gayhole’tard”
Ang Lee wanted to have people take flight as the the epic final battle bagan
Owl from Winnie the Pooh makes a cameo voiced by Liam Neeson, or GTFO.
These owls will show hoots boss.
This movie looks like it will be a hootenanny.
I think me and King Le-owl-nidus there just set a date with the guy who airbrushes the side of my van.
It started out all LOTR/Golden Compass, then *Scratch Disk* it suddenly turn into a Pixar/Dreamwork flick.