With every exec in Hollywood currently turning everything into 3D and rushing to adapt anything with even the slightest name recognition, it’s only logical that we’d get a 3D bible movie. Heck, they don’t even have to pay Jesus for his life rights, that Jew. From DHD:
I’m told that Paramount Pictures and former Walden Media co-founder Cary Granat producing with Reel Fx are mounting In The Beginning, a 3D telling of the creation story. The film is using The Book of Genesis as its primary resource. A script has been written by John Fusco (Hidalgo), and directing will be TV vet David Cunningham.
The $30 million film will use 3-D visuals to transform the oft-told tale into a spectacle that the filmmakers hope will attract family- and faith-based audiences that flocked to The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, that first Chronicles of Narnia installment made on Granat’s Walden watch.
I just hope they give this the full Hollywood treatment. Because let’s face it, “There was nothing, so God made stuff” is kinda boring. Maybe on the third day, God could create Tony Jaa, and an elephant for him to do flip kicks off. Genesis: In the Kneeginning, they could call it.
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Frontspiece or GTFO
wait, when did David Cunningham play a TV veteran?
*puts hand on heart; remembers the fallen*
Is this movie gonna cast Shark Diesel in “ExXxodus”?
The film is using The Book of Genesis as its primary resource
Phil Collins and Tony Banks just visited Mike Rutherford at his day job as Maitre d at the local French restaurant to tell him they’re putting the band back together.
(they’re on a mission from God)
Damn you Stoney, for ruining my “God has an Invisible Touch” joke.
By ruining, I of course mean “preemptively making a joke funnier than mine.”
We all know this didn’t go well for Adam, but how was he really coerced into eating that apple? the title of the film will give them an idea:
Snake on a Wang
And on the 8th day God had a date with Janice because he knew she was a bit of a slut and might even let him do anal.
I’m firing Spock’s corpse into this movie as soon as it gets made.
I hope Mel Gibson is involved with this, because the Old Testament is really missing the Jew-bashing of the New Testament.
I don’t know if I want to see God fart us into existence in 3D. The last thing I need to see is God’s prolapsed asshole coming at me.
In order to gain some box office power like the Saw franchise, God will remove Adam’s rib without administering anesthetic.
Being tea bagged by Adam is really something I can do without.
World on the back of a turtle or GTFO
This SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! See God REST! REST! REST! You must see this lazy deity to believe IT! IT! IT! Only every SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! DON’T MISS IT!!!1!!11!
Also, how the hell can you use Genesis as your “primary source”? Are you using other religions’ creation myths as secondary sources?
James Cameron: dismissive wanking motion.
Will I see Adam’s 3d cawk?
How can you be the former founder of a company? Fuck you Nikkei! I won’t fall for your Jap mind tricks.