(Rambo bought this thermometer from John McCain. The only setting is “DEAD GOOK.”)
Ever since I moved to New York, I’ve marveled at how people here seem incapable of SHUTTING THE HELL UP DURING THE GD MOVIE. Hell, keep talking, I’d settle for you just learning to whisper, you loud a-holes GODIHATEYOUSOMUCH! Anyway, I’ve shushed people because I’m gangsta like that, which is why I’m thanking God I didn’t end up like this guy:
A dispute at a Lancaster, CA movie theater during a screening of “Shutter Island” ended when a man, who had complained about someone nearby talking on a cellphone, was stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer.
The incident occurred two weeks ago at the Cinemark 22 theater in Lancaster, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.
The theater was packed for a 9 p.m. Saturday screening of the Martin Scorsese horror movie when the victim complained about a woman near him who was using a cellphone during the show. She and two men with her left the movie theater. Two men returned a few minutes later and stabbed the victim, said sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore. The victim, who was not identified, was hospitalized with serious injuries. [LATimes]
Are we sure this wasn’t just a botched pick-up line? That’s happened to me before:
Hey, girl. Are you feeling okay?
…I’m fine. …Why?
I dunno, I just thought maybe I should take your temperature… with an ALL-BEEF THERMOMETER!
*stabs girl in neck with meat thermometer*
Crap, I think I did this wrong.
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Turns out he was lying about all her talking making his blood boil.
If only Monty Hall had been in the audience. That guy would’ve made a quick 50 bucks. He was also carrying a hard boiled egg, a bottle of Chanel No. 5, and Conway Twitty cassette, just to be sure.
That has “crazy action movie death” written all over it.
C’mon, Crank 3, have the Stath kill someone with a meat thermometer.
Umm… who the fuck brings a meat thermometer to a movie theater? Were the perpetrators Wolfgang Puck and Mario Bertolli?
I think it was very considerate of them to try and help the coroner establish the exact time of death.
After he stabbed him, the culprit looked at the guy and said “looks like you’re done.”
Sometimes when people have been complainin’ at you, and you tell them to mind their own shit,
You have to check to make sure they’re done.
Someone complained about me talking on my cellphone in a movie, too, but I just strangled him with my apron strings. I need my thermometer!
The men will be charged with 350-degree manslaughter.
Well, if we’re gonna harass Eminem and Manson, I demand congress investigate the seventies supergroup, Foreigner.
My meat thermometer checks the internal temperature of clam.
Stories like this are rare.
This happened at the only movie theater that has a “cook your own turkey” concession stand.
I figured stuff like this wouldn’t happen until Iron Chef and UFC are eventually united as one.
Who let that bitch out of the kitchen in the first place?
-1 to the stabber that didn’t give this performance in the middle of Grindhouse.
The victim was hospitalized with serious injuries. Will he live? Will he die? What’s his current condition??
DONE…DONE…DONE…
People talking on the phone during movies is the exact reason that I have jars filled with urine in my car.
Sounds like that blabber mouth truly was
*sunglasses*
a pain in her neck.
YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Hmmm. I see that it was actually a guy that was stabbed. Damn it.
It’s okay Chino, she was making a salad during the movie.
“The assailant used a meat thermometer and stuck it precisely in the carotid artery.”
“That’s a tough spot to hit, it sounds like a job…”
*sunglasses*
“…well done.”
YEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!!
This is just smart. Undercooked human makes your bowels smell worse than a Katherine Heigl movie.
apparently they went to the Martha Stewart school of shanking
“and now you have established your dominance over the other inmates; its a good thing.”
My meat thermometer apparently has the ability to measure two buns in the oven simultaneously.
Man questioned over meat thermometer stabbing being given third degree.
I was talking on my cellphone in a movie once, and a man tried to stab me. Through my popcorn bucket!
I always pack a meat thermometer in case I got beef.
The guy in front of me talked on his phone during a movie once. Once.
Watching On-Demand porn on the motel tv doesn’t qualify as “going to the movies” Chino.
Man stabbed with meat thermometer just thankful he avoided salad tongs.
Don’t be silly, Jirish. The motels I stay at rent by the hour. No time for a whole movie.
H’mm. Let’s see. Hammer? Nah. Baseball bat? Nah. Chainsaw? Nah. Katana? Nah. Meat thermometer? Now we’re talking. Let’s roll.
Well what the hell else are you going to do for the other 55 minutes?
Do we get the wing this time?