(via WWTDD)
*sits down at desk*
*adjusts tie*
*takes sip of coffee*
*shuffles stack of papers*
*smoothes hair*
*clears throat*
*reaches for bullhorn*
BREAKING NEWS: MO’NIQUE’S HUSBAND LOVES A HAIRY PUSSY.
“Let me say this: I have not had sex outside my marriage with Sidney,” the Academy Award nominee [and lock to win Best Supporting Actress] says in this year’s 29th – and final – Barbara Walters Oscar special. “Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That’s not a deal-breaker. That’s not something that would make us say, ‘Pack your things and let’s end the marriage.’”
“What if it’s 20 times?” asks the openminded actress. “So what? We’ve been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don’t know who they’re laying next to. I’m very comfortable and secure with my husband.”
Aww yeeah. If I close my eyes and pretend I never saw that banner pic, this is pretty sexy. Which brings me to…
Of course, Miss M has a few tricks to keep her hubby from straying – fingers crossed – and that includes her infamously unshaven gams. “He loves the hairy legs,” Mo says, “and if Sid likes the hairy legs, there you go.”
She even explains to Walters why she chooses to go au naturel: “I tried shaving one time, and it was so uncomfortable and painful. I said never again would I do that to myself.” Besides, says Mo’Nique, “I’m 42 and I’m very hairy.” [NYDailyNews]
Sweet Jesus. So Mo’Nique’s husband likes ‘em hairy as hell? Are we sure she’s not married to Spoony Luv? Also, why does her name have a random apostrophe in it? Between that and the all natural thing, is it possible she’s actually a Na’vi?
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Oscars-Seth-MacFarlane-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/TurnThisPlaneAround-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/video-we-saw-your-junk-gives-seth-macfarlanes-boobs-song-a-sex-change-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Harvey-Weinstein-2012-canne-150x150.jpg)
This is the shaved Saquatch that Eddie Murphy spoke of….
SHIT JUST GOT REAL.
Mo’nique makes me so’sique.
The ball game has been called due to too much grass on the field.
NOTICE OF CORRECTION:
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Jacktion! said:
Donkey Kong has already been cast as Patrick Ewing.
Apparently, Mo’nique is the frontrunner.
Mo’nique thinks depilatories are places you get your prescriptions filled.
She’s blacker and hairier than a Harlem barbershop floor.
Duke Mitchell: “Looks like Brilloooooooooohmygod.”
Of course she never had sex outside the marriage, they wont let her in the bear enclosures anymore.
The entirety of the diminished population of honeybees just breathed a collective sigh of relief.
I don’t think bears would be into her, Eib.
I’m pretty sure they prefer men.
The only other picture I’ve seen of Mo’Nique was her on vacation. She was hiking and looked over her right shoulder to smile for the camera.
God dammit.
*pushes breakfast plate away*
Is there any way I can see Less’nique?
Her cousin Gro’tesque is surprisingly attractive.
I just threw up in my mouth a little…and a little more…then a whole lot.
Mo’nique is Dr. Mephesto’s proud achievement of genetically splicing a hippo and a wolf and giving it six asses
Anyone as woolly as her should be named Ewe’nique.
Thanks to friction, her inner thighs are silky smooth.
Her husband wants her hairy because he’s secretly a Homo’nique.
I could never love a woman with dingleberries hanging from her ankles.
Just like with ghetto sweaters: Mohair, mo problems…
Croooow!- nice one! Just made me choke on my coffee.
Mo’Nique had to get a restraining order against Sigourney Weaver because she kept going to her house and trying to get accepted into her troop.
Thanks a lot, I just barfed in my own lap. Looks like :puts on sunglasses: lunch is on me. YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Damn! The beginning of this article. That’s a great start to a screenplay.
HOT! SMOKIN’ HOT! are we talking about the same thing? oops. *puts penis back in dirty sweat pants a.k.a. the hurt locker*
That is some nasty shit.
I need and retrieve my penis. It crawled right in out of disgust.
I want to know what John Mayer’s penis has to say about this…