"Who's the new guy?" "That's Pagoda Cullen. 300 years ago, I got stabbed in the stomach during a bar fight in Calcutta. He carried me to the hospital on his back."
As if Lady in the Water wasn’t proof enough that M. Night Pajamalawn has horrible taste, he also recently said this:
“I would’ve loved to be– I love the series, and Catherine [Hardwicke's] movie, it was one of my favorite movies of that year,” he said. “Really, I thought tonally, it was a perfect movie. I called her up after I saw ‘Twilight’ and was like ‘That was amazing.’ So I’m a big fan.” [MTV]
So two kids with nothing in common other than being pale and seemingly unable to move their lips when they talk fall in love and stand around looking like they have heartburn for two hours. That’s a “perfect movie?” Sorry, I’m being unfair. It also had vampire baseball and Cam Gigandet.
It’s quite possible Manny was just pandering because he was at the Kids Choice Awards, but MTV wondered if this means he’s campaigning to direct the next Twilight movie. Which, by the way, is Breaking Dawn, the one with the vampire snorkeling and the super-powered, telepathic, half-vampire, adult-brained fetus delivered via vamp-teeth c-section, not to mention a werewolf-on-baby love story (the moral of the story being you can’t let ethnic wolves around your sparkling white babies because they’ll try to hump them). And why wouldn’t he want to direct that? His last few movies have been major flops, it makes sense he’d want to do something which is damn-near flop proof (unlike my wang). An M.Night Shyamalan movie about CGI vampire babies — can you even imagine??
Possible spoiler alert: the telepathic vampire fetus was undead the whole time.
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It also had vampire baseball? Let me guess, Pattinson plays catcher.
Edward gets his first sexual experience in Breaking Don.
Nobody even gets to first base let alone scores in Twilight vampire baseball.
Do vampire baseball players turn into bats when it’s their turn to hit?
Pattinson would charge the mound, but he’s allergic to it.
Ok, so him liking Twilight is definitely not a good thing, and tells me he has a tiny (possibly detachable) penis, but I never got the whole thing with people ragging on his other movies. I absolutely loved Lady in the Water and The Village. Granted, they weren’t the same style and tone as stuff like Sixth Sense or Unbreakable (which, dear Lord, both truly rocked), but they weren’t supposed to be the same. I think he achieved exactly what he set out to do with those two and I really enjoyed ‘em. Now, if he tries to do a vampire movie next, I’ll hunt him down and drive an Edward doll (read: nouveaux goth chick dildo) through his skull while singing a medley of retro showtunes. But that’s just me.
OMG, my taxi cab driver was hitting on me today MLIT
Robert Pattinson is conducting extensive research for the snorkeling scenes.
what a coincidence- Nouveaux Goth Chick Dildo is the name of my band’s next album
Aw, nertz. I was applying to have my name legally changed to that. Your band’s gonna make me look stoopid now.
Wait for it…
For the record, Manny knew none of us would be smart enough to understand his appreciate for Twilight.
appreciation… So much for last minute syntax edits in the name of comedic timing.
When I think “vampire romance + Breaking Dawn”, I think Buffy Season 5.
This is what happens when you bathe in the Ganges.
Way to put the nail in the coffin, M. Night.
To be totally honest, I like The Sixth Sense and even Signs. And I think he does have some talent. But the guy needs to learn from the criticism and quit taking himself so damn seriously. And maybe collaborate with someone who’ll tell him when he’s being ridiculous.
And not direct something with a creepy vampire fetus/werewolf love connection. I mean, really? Really?
I liked Sixth Sense and I think he’s got a good style, visually at least. But man, Lady in the Water was fucking TERRIBLE. Like holy-is-this-really-happening terrible.
Holy *shit, rather, in case you were wondering.
“I see dead people. Or at least, very pale people. And I’m just talking about the chick, who isn’t even a vampire.”
Everything M. Night has touched since 6th Sense is terrible. Including my dick.
“Say it. Out loud, say it.”
“Umpire.”
Exactly. His movies always look really pretty. Like, The Village looked fantastic. And I think he can come up with good characters, too.
But when it comes to plots, the man needs some serious help.
“Tonally perfect” is also how Nighty-Night describes his farts. His morning dumps are “fully realised characters whose journey is complex and rewarding”.
i was at a car show this weekend and some teenager was wearing a shirt with a bare-chested Twihard costar on it: you know, the llama boy. there is no escaping this genre.
Annnd this is why Airbender is going to suck smelly ass.