Dane Cook recently took to Twitter and sparked a rumor that he might’ve auditioned for the part of Captain America. Is it true, a joke, or just another brilliant way to get people talking about him? Say what you will about his comedy completely lacking punchlines, he’s always been a great self promoter. Here’s what he said (via /Film):
- Im minus 7% body fat now, bones replaced w/lightweight scandium alloy! Had 2 get shredded 4 Captain America audition & standup tour.
- @Marvel_Freshman r u really auditioning 4 Captain America? Dc: I did already. They might b goin young. I say go RDJr route-gimme the part!
Get it? Minus 7% body fat? It’s so hilarious and wacky, how does he come up with this stuff? Hmm, though I seem to remember Louis CK going on a similar diet six years ago… Meanwhile, a site called Hollywire is claiming that Joe and Kevin Jonas have also auditioned for the role. Sadly for JoBro lovers like us, it’s an easy rumor to invent based on the fact that Disney owns Marvel, and I’m inclined not to trust a site that can write a sentence like “But its interesting to see what direction the highly potential hit film is taking.” Yes. Highly potential. Indeed. But if it’s true, I can’t argue with Marvel’s instincts. I mean, look at this picture and tell me the first thing to come to mind isn’t “pinnacle of masculine perfection.”
Which JoBro is that, agan? Jake? Simon? Sneezy? Queerbait? I get them all confused.
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How would casting Dane Cook be “going the RDJr route”?
I think Dane Cook would make an excellent Bucky, Cap’s sidekick.
Bucky dies, right?
Dane Cook’s Captain America fights for all the same values as Superman, only two years later and 40% louder.
More like Craptain America!
*reveals Robin Williams’ suspenders and Henny Youngman’s violin*
His jokes auditioned for the part of the bombs in The Hurt Locker
Dane Cook’s Captain America doesn’t need any foley work for the sound editing. Instead, expect his shield to make a lot of “POW!, BANG, and ZING!” noises that sound suspiciously like an overhyped asshole just yelling out random noises.
Too bad durst has already been firmly established, because danecook would be rather apropos, yes?
Say what you will about Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia, they were great for all those comedians who wanted to see their material make it to the TV.
If his body fat is negative, doesn’t that mean he’s technically stealing body fat from other people?
The only thing that could possibly make that picture more manly would be the addition of a huge pink dildo at the actual moment of penetration, or possibly a little pink bicycle with tassels and a basket…I dunno something pink though.
i still think Dane Cook sounds like a job opening at a Korean restaurant.
Dane Cook should have been Batman, that way, I can murder both of his parents and stay true to the plot.
Crappy, durst is an institution. It cannot be replaced.
Oh hey! What’s that? Lindsay is suing b/c of a baby named Lindsay now? I may have spoken too soon.
*gasp*
but Pauly… both his parents are dead
*unzips pants and gets ready for new up*
STOP MAKING FUN OF MY PARENTS!
Does this qualify as a gay post?
[shrugs, looks at biscuit]
“I mean, look at this picture and tell me the first thing to come to mind isn’t “pinnacle of masculine perfection”
What? He didn’t miss the pass, he’s just, uh, going for a punt. A really, really, really, effeminate punt.
“going for a punt” is my new favorite euphemism for acting like a fairy.
He drops more balls than puberty.
yeah drops ‘em in his mouth
Out of the way, dork. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with the wheelbase of that old Range Rover.
If you throw balls at a JoBro’s face, he’ll catch them every time.
CASTING DIRECTOR: Dane, we’d like you to read that passage again, but this time with a bit less pock-marked hackery.
COOK: NO PROBLEM, BROSEPH. FWONK!
CASTING DIRECTOR: [sigh]
Or rear axle.
Rick James calls them the Jewness Brothers.
To Asians, JoBro is just an average, ordinary man.
Say what you will about his comedy completely lacking punchlines, he’s always been a great self promoter.
That’s like saying, “Say what you will about this dog shit, but you gotta admit that it’s smeared everywhere.”
Holy shit, there’s a pool-cleaning robot now?!
I gotta say, I’m a bit disappointed it’s not called the Roomberto.
If you drop balls in JoBro’s face, he’ll just take it on the chin.
Roman Polanski auditioned for the role too because Disney has really been looking for a leading man that can make the girls scream
JoBro thought that “dropping balls” makes you less girly.
If they are trying to make Captain America a comedy by casting Dane Cook than they better get Chris Burke to play Bucky and Stephen Hawking to play the Red Skull so I actually have something to laugh at.
Where the fuck is TKE4LIAF on all the Dane haters up in ‘er?