This kid will be addicted to heroin in five years, if he's not already. Count on it.
Wow. I’ve hated the E*Trade baby ever since they replaced the original, expressive one with the awful new guy, who just gazes vacantly into the spiritual world like a miniature Paul Walker (which makes it all the more creepy to realize we’re watching a confused baby with a CGI mouth but I digress). Anyway, now the studio that brought us Big Momma’s Houses, Meet Dave, and I Love You Beth Cooper is making a movie out of it. (*RECORD SCRATCH*):
20th Century Fox is developing a film based on the E*Trade talking babies. No. I am not making this up. Actress and writer Katie Dippold (“Parks and Recreation,” “MADtv”) is penning the script. And no. I’m not kidding. The film is a “mission movie,” about a group of talking babies trying to make their way across the playground. [via Pajiba]
Uh, what? Where are there talking babies on the playground? What’s on the other side of this playground that would make these talking babies want to cross it? And why does this take up 90 minutes of screen time? Moreover, WHO’S GOING TO GIVE ME STOCK TIPS NOW?? I give up, this is too stupid. I just hope there’s one girl baby who’s always scooching her itchy vagina around on the grass like a dog, and that Lindsay Lohan is convinced it’s her.
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Actress and writer Katie Dippold (“Parks and Recreation,” “MADtv”)
I KNEW there was a reason I didn’t like Parks and Recreation.
Bruce Willis is the voice of John McClane, Jr. and Alan Rickman is Hans Pooper or GTFO.
I hope that Chinese soldiers are featured prominently in this.
If a guy from the ad agency ever came up to me and told me that they wanted to use my baby in one of those E-Trade commercials, I would happily set my child on fire to make sure that wouldn’t happen.
I liked this better* when it was called Look Who’s Talking.
*I fucking hated Look Who’s Talking
Needs more coat hanger.
Ally MacBeal and the dancing baby are having the last laugh.
…
Or are they? *loads photon torpedo tubes*
Maybe they’re being chased across the playground by my pension fund managers because little Timmy shit pants stuck them with a fuck ton of collateralized debt obligation. I like this already.
If the theme from The Great Escape isn’t in the trailer I will….pay to watch this. That’s how sure I am.
E-Trade Baby Movie: coming soon to a dumpster near you!
Q: Why did the talking baby cross the playground?
A: He needed something to do between Community and 30 Rock.
Does anyone still actually rationally wonder why people from other countries strap bombs to themselves to destroy Americans? Ugh, anyone that buys a ticket for this movie should be labeled a Romulan-coddling traitor and shot in the face with a shotgun at the ticket counter. (Or even better, machine gun their dead face like Hitler got in Inglourious Basterds.)
Then again, He wonders how high the bodies would have to pile up before someone took the hint? GAH! FUCK THIS PLANET! THE MIGHTY FEKLAHR IS MOVING BACK TO QUNOS…well, as soon as Ker’Splatt fixes the warp drive…
Their mission is to cross the playground? that sounds like more of a mission for Roman Polanski.
How man dead babies does it take to cross the playground?
1
The rest have parents that give a shit…sorry little Timmy.
UGH, what is WRONG with Hollywood? THIS piece of diaper treasure gets made while I have to wait 2 more years for the third theatrical version of Dune?
*puts on stillsuit, rides sandworm*
The black baby never makes it past the sandbox.
If someone can photoshop that ETrade baby into a screencap of that fat guy getting annihilated by the HUGE piranha…that would rule.
No genetic testing is needed to see that this movie is retarded. ABORT!
If only Herbert Hoover were still alive…you see, The Mighty Feklahr has it on good authority that Herbert Hoover used to get high on moonshine and jenkem and brain babies with a shovel.
You know…for fun.
Speaking of sandworms, I hope all the babies get eaten by one
THE SPICE MUST FLOW
If only this movie were a girl baby in China…
This movie is rated XYY.
I hope they shoot this in shaky cam.
Chino-Michael J Fox can be the babysitter!
I’d like to see this movie in the backseat of Susan Smith’s car.
E*Trade baby wants Jenny McCarthy vaccinated.
The Mighty Feklahr wonders if He can convince Brend0n to post on this…he feels about the same way He does about babies…
There had better be plenty of dingoes on the playground.
This movie deserves to get the grades D & C.
They should title this SIDs and Notsee.
The Hollywood execs have a soft fontanelle for movies with a trisomy 21.
I wish this movie was Rated RU-486
Soundtrack by System of a Down’s Syndrome. (or GTFO)
This is an awesome idea guys! Hey, they should make a movie about the Geico cavemen next! ROTFJO!
If I somehow shit out a Vince, I would mos def stop eating Taco Bell.
Looks like I’ll be voting (*RECORD SCRACH*) pro-choice.