A BULLDOG HUMPS A TEDDY BEAR & MORE
03.22.10Skillet the Teddy Bear-Humping Bulldog isn’t a movie yet, but it should be.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid beat Jennifer Aniston’s The Bounty Hunter at the box office (though Alice in Wonderland beat them both). It even got less-terrible-than-expected reviews. I’m still probably not going to see it. If I wanted to spend time with nerdy ugly ginger kids with braces, I’d play Ultimate Frisbee. |CHUD|
Universal turns down Paul Thomas Anderson’s Scientology flick, There Will be Thetans The Master for being too expensive. No one seems to know why it’d be budgeted as high as $35 million. I’m hoping it involved CGI alien spirits exploding from a volcano. IN 3D. |NYMag|
Some people released the Kraken, in meme form. Surfing grandma approves. |Urlesque|
Death Star watermelon.
And finally, Ashley Madison (the website expressly dedicated to infidelity — really) releases some kind of Avatar parody commercial. Uh… I think? To be honest, all I took from this is that it’s incredibly offensive in some way I can’t quite put my finger on.
I’m not sure what the moral of the story is either. “Use our website to cheat, your fat wife with sit on you and did I mention Papyrus?” |via BestWeekEver|
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For a second, I was worried PTA was a Scientologist.
Thank Jebus.
I stand corrected. There are parts available for Gabourey Sibide.
Lando Calrissian has volunteered to lead the assault on this new, delicious Death Star.
just get to high places… Precious obviously has trouble with those
Just when I thought “this video needs some record scratch”, Ashleymadison delivered. Fwew.
for that reason and more im always in a high place, hence my name
I’ve seen that look on the dog’s face before. I call it the Care Bear Stare.
That Ashley Madison ad is John Mayer’s worst nightmare.
Skillet is quite the sexual deviant. Starts off by getting involved in Furry play then finishes it off with a good felching.
I had no idea that a penetrable orifice was an option at Build a Bear.
Either Skillet is a very attentive lover or he just enjoys the taste of polyester stuffing.
Toy Story 6:
WOODY: Pebbles, on this rape doll, can you tell me where Skillet licked you?
EVIL ACTION LAWYER DOLL: Objection! This is just obscene.
RAPE DOLL: But I want it! C’mon Pebbles, Grab my junk, lick my ass! Oooh yeah, you like that, don’t you, you bad girl you!
*Pebbles touches the Rape Doll gently between his legs, the Rape Doll’s eyes roll back and he bites his lower lip*
RAPE DOLL: GGgggoooooood I lo-o-o-o-ve my Jo-o-o-o-b.
I had no idea that thought would ever come into my head. TnxFD!
Wife: So dear, how was work.
Crappy: Eh, slow, did some papeerwork, Film Drunked a bit.
W: Really? What where you wierdo Drunkards on about today.
C: Fuckholes on Build a Bears.
W: …
C: You knew me before you married me so I don’t wanna hear shit!
W: Child.
C: [Scratches ass, sniffs finger]
The next time Skillet takes that little whore to the bone zone she’s gonna know ruff means ROUGH.
I wonder if Teddy Ruxpin would dirty talk you when you fucked him.
Universal turns down Paul Thomas Anderson’s Scientology flick,
There Will be ThetansThe Masterfor being too expensive.because they’re a bunch of nancyboy pussies afraid of pissing of a bunch of dellusional fuckwits that adhere to the tenets of one of the stupidest fucking religions in the history of human kind.*walks in carrying two tumbleweeds and a piss boot whistling Nine Inch Nails’ ‘Closer’*
C’s wife: GET OUT!
Skillet is a freak. He once rented a Pooh Bear flick hoping for some German Shepard schizer porn.
Which did the Star Wars geek make first: the Death Star watermelon or the fuckhole?
The Teddy Bear Picnic is going to be a group therapy session this year.
Glow Worm is the new Fleshlight.
Skillet tried to get it on with Smokey, but there were no sparks.
*raises white hood from over his face*
If it’s a watermelon, shouldn’t it be the “Def Star”?
*lowers white hood, rides off on white hooded horse*
I fucked a bear once.
He never called me back. :(
For the record, I look exactly like that bulldog when I fuck. I mean EXACTLY…..ask your Mom.
In my formative years, I humped my teddy bare.
“What’s that, Skillet? Timmy’s fallen in some quicksand? Oh, you’re just fucking his bear again.”
Something tells me that this story hits a little too close to home for a certain iodized Drunkard.
Surfing grandma is no juggalo funeral grandma. But I’ll still manage to find release.