WHOOOOOO CARES
02.01.10The word around the campfire recently was that director Paul Greengrass had left the Bourne franchise, which was a shame considering he’d made only two Bourne sequels and one movie that looks exactly like Bourne. Someone recently asked Matt Damon about it, and he had some shocking news.
“There’ll probably be a prequel of some kind with another actor and another director before we do another one,” he said, “just because I think we’re probably another five years away from doing it – we’ve got to get a script…” [Empire]
You heard it here, folks, Matt Damon thinks there’ll be a reboot. But he doesn’t really know. It’ll probably be hard to tell anyway with these boring ass movies. At this point they should just shoot the sequel with Damon’s part played by Tyler Perry in drag, just to see if anyone’s still paying attention. Here, I think I found an early sneak peek at the next Bourne movie.


*scratches chin, takes tug from hickory pipe, polishes monocle, writes with quill pen*
Dearest Vincenzo,
I like the Bourne movies, so eat my honey-glazed taint.
Yours,
Burnsy
Can I get that with chocolate sprinkles?
MMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!
DDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!!
Tyler Perry’s audience is unimpressed by this dude’s ability to run away from police.
I call shenanigans on that gif. It wasn’t shaking at all.
Any chance the prequel will actually follow the storyline from the book?
Who wants some of Pauly’s green grass?
You heard it here first folks. A dolphin is going to reboot Jason Bourne.
Great. Another role for Sam Worthington.
Greengrass isn’t that much of a loss, as long as they keep his cinematographer, Michael J. Fox.
The reboot will be called The Bourne Again Conspiracy, with Kirk Cameron battling a gay pharmaceutical company that sells “Evil-Lotion.”