After all the TV spots, we finally have a full trailer for Manny Shyamalongalong’s The Last Airbender, starring captain sullen face from Slumdog (Dev Patel). It looks okay, I guess. Certainly a lot better than other CGI-heavy fantasy flicks like Prince of Persia or Clash of the Titans. But then M. Night always had a knack for visuals, it was more the crappy stories that were parables for how everyone who criticized him sucks that people had a problem with.
Air, Water, Earth, Fire. Four nations tied by destiny when the Fire Nation launches a brutal war against the others. A century has passed with no hope in sight to change the path of this destruction. Caught between combat and courage, Aang (Noah Ringer) discovers he is the lone Avatar with the power to manipulate all four elements. Aang teams with Katara (Nicola Peltz), a Waterbender, and her brother, Sokka (Jackson Rathbone), to restore balance to their war-torn world.
Meanwhile, his uncle Charlie, a Drinkblender, sat around all day making martinis. Everyone always liked Charlie.
Aang, huh? This must be that show that deaf kid was trying to tell me about.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Morgan-Freeman-last-vegas-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/if-i-showed-you-all-the-money-shots-in-pacific-rim-youd-have-a-70-minute-orgasm-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/trailer-rapture-palooza-starring-craig-robinson-and-anna-kendrick-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/About-Time-POster-150x150.jpg)
this movie is whitewashed… ain’t it wonderful
I’m a wind-breaker, how can I help?
“You Are Here”
That makes you an Avafart, Donk.
My ex-girlfriend complained that I was a leftbender.
You know what I use when the Fire Nation starts to get out of line? Preparation H.
*squirms in chair*
Air, Water, Earth, Fire make up the Four Nations because they finally figured out the Heart was pussy.
Considering that the other three are all viable options for dousing flames, shouldn’t the Fire Nation just shut the fuck up and do what it’s told?
So the Indians here must have combined to make the Fire-Water Nation.
I saw stuff like this on my last ale bender. I also woke up in a oil drum full of stripper vomit.
Don’t ever call a water bender “Crazy Straw”, that’s incredibly racist to them.
I promised myself that last weekend would be the last of my ether-benders.
Soudtrack by Earth Wind and Fire or GTFO!
Earth Benders live a very simple life dedicated to religious purity.
What’d you expect? They’re Quakers.
I have an airbender at my house, it’s called a fan.
If Earth, Air or Water stop douching around and figure out the fire triangle, the fire nation is fucked.
Air Benders give the best blow jobs.
The Fire nation is lashing out after years of name calling. Grr, we’ll show you who the flamers are!
Water Benders are dying out because it turns out that hydrocephalus isn’t a superpower.
I’ve heard that Earth girls are easy.
In the fire nation, it always burns when you pee.
If they really wanted to make it great, they’d make the Fire Nation a bunch of South Americans and really work up the hot Latino blood stereotype.
In the Earth nation, all clothes are earthenware.
A water bender is how you cope with losing your job in Provo.
The Last Airbender looks a lot like the same kid who made my last Air Jordans.
Bend water? No thanks, but I’ll bend your daughter over that counter.
The symbol in the arrow tattoo pointing to his mouth means “dick garage”.
You can’t read it because it’s in fine print, but right above the arrow, it reads “I’m with stupid”.
Bender?! Don’t h…
…aw fuck it.
His gay brother has an arrow tattoo pointing straight at his ass.
A 360 Airbender is when Shaun White sucks a guy off on his final run.
“Airbender” is cockney slang for a perm.
I got a burn mark like that on my head from my hairbender.
So I says, “Air bend ‘er? I just air met her!”
Yeah yeah, this is all well and good but what about the other Abatap?
When I play the air guitar I always pretend I’m Eric Clapton and play an Air Fender.
Air Bud > Airbender
My relatives all died young. My fat mom is the last chair bender.
Who is this Destiny bitch tying these nations together? Why not just let them go their seperate ways so they stop fucking with one another?
I dare you to look at the Wachoeski bros and guess that pair’s gender.
And before the Grammar Nazis go all pogrom on my ass I’d like them to look at how hard I had to stretch to make that joke.
[Raises staff above head]
You.
Shall not.
DURST!
[slams to ground]
I saw a help wanted sign at a mexican restaurant the other day looking for a fast taco bender.
An old buddy called ’round the other day to collect the $2 I owed him for a bus ticket, like, 10 years ago.
He was a Past Farelender.
My neighbo(u)r may be fat, but she’s awesome on the sewing machine.
She’s a Vast Tearmender.
My uncle works on a kids’ TV show, where he has to reassure the young actors if they get frightened.
He’s the Cast Scarefender.
Air Bud uber alles!
Werner Herzog made a documentary on the Last Bearfriender.
When I moon people from the crow’s nest on my gay pirate ship, I’m the Mast Bare-ender.
Robert Smith was an Aghast Hairtrender.
My sister holds Tupperware parties that run out of stock in minutes.
She’s a Fast Warevendor.
So this kid is basically Captain Planet, minus the blue skin and pussy “heart” power.
My mother is the queen of evil looks.
She’s an Unsurpassed Glaresender.
Ok Patty, that’s the 2nd time you touched my dick, but this time was with your foot.
You owe me dinner, at least.
Oh, crap, I didn’t even see that.
Italian or Chinese?
I gotta stop putting too much ice in my margaritas, I’m down to my Last Spareblender.
My part-Aboriginal cousin played the back half of a female horse in our high school play.
He was a Half-caste Marepretender.
Chitalian.
But, hey, you come into a thread, guns a-blazin’. No intention of reading the other comments, like “Fuck all that. Here is *MY* motherfucking comment, biotch!”. I can respect that. Reminds me of me.
Hell, I don’t even read Vince’s posts half the time before I start commenting.
Ron Jeremy calls his tool his Vast Hairmember.
I was gonna’ say that I only browsed and that one totally slipped by me, but excuses are for wussies.
*blows out imaginary smoke on finger guns*
Well…this explains my little visit from the FBI after a night of diligently searching for “Avatar” porn.