At ease, sailors. I’ve got just the thing to brighten up a dreary, borderline suicidal Monday. That’s right, it’s the new international trailer for Takers. Ever wondered what would happen if you remade Ocean’s 11 in the style of The Fast and the Furious and replaced George Clooney with Paul Walker? You probably haven’t, but still. Takers may star Chris Brown, Hayden Christensen, and that other black guy. I’m so excited about this that I’m putting a cup of coffee in the microwave and setting the timer to the time between now and when tickets for this go on sale, that way when it’s finally time, the coffee will be really hot, and I can pour it on my crotch so I know I’m not dreaming. I can’t wait.
True story: Paul Walker has a dwarf inside him controlling his movements with pulleys and levers. They say his reaction speed is really improving.
(“Aw yeah, how you like my Photoshop, playa?”)
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/TheMaster-Joaquin-PHoenix-stroke-face-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/James-Bond-skyfall-150x150.jpg)
Oh! That trailer made me bust my Earl Grey teabag all overs da place. I guess that would be called an Italian Job.
Hooooooooooooooly shit that looks awful.
Goddamn it, Stringer Bell. You ain’t done shit worth note since you died, negro.
I feel bad for Hayden Christensen’s hat.
No way, an obligatory slow walk away from something exploding behind you scene ? I gotz to sees it now
Which shall henceforth be known as a sHat
Chris Brown misses the heist because he had to beat a bitch or GTFO
Opening next week – Givers, starring Fek, Chodin, and box full of HIV-laced syringes.
At this point, I imagine Paul Walker’s mom is telling her friends that he is taking classes at ITT Tech and that he’s really enjoying it.
They wanted to call it ‘Catchers’, but didn’t want people thinking it was a baseball movie.
James Van Der Beek can totally get Paul Walker a job with him at the Verizon Store on Alameda, his manager totally owes him a favor.
Next summer, Paul Walker, Hayden Christensen, and Leo DiCaprio in ‘Pensive Face: The Movie’. Just when you thought it was safe to unfurrow your brow, IT’S NOT SAFE.
OOOH WAH AH AH …oh?
Chris Brown called Hayden Christensen a Taker after he stole Brown’s bow tie.
Whaddya know, Anakin DID turn to the dark side! Is that the corner over here?
I liked this movie when it was called Heat and didn’t suck a duffel bag of rhino cock.
+1 for any movie that includes Idris Elba, -1000 for including “Daaaaamn!” in the trailer.
“Well we’ve got explosions, guns and, like, slo mo jumping in the trailer. What’s missing?”
“Uh . . . Hayden could steal the hat from a hipster marionette?”
“Make it so.”
True Story: The Undertaker could kick all of these guy’s asses at once.
This summer, Kobe Bryant, Luke Walton, and Pau Gasol star in “Lakers”.
Casting Director: “Paul, this part is perfect for you.”
Paul Walker: (long pause) “What’s the character about?”
Casting Director: “It’s a guy pretending to be Steve McQueen who just poo’d his pants and is feeling really self-conscious about whether or not anybody can smell it yet.”
Paul Walker: “I’m in”
This summer, Duff Goldman and Elle0 star in “Cakers”.
This summer, Muhammad Ali and Michael J. Fox star in “Shakers”.
Trish and Rooster should have a van with a Takers mural on it.
This summer, “The Puppet Master 503″, “Mozart TV”, and “JesusSatan07″ star in “Rakers”!
(Get it? Because you don’t need a high school diploma to work for a landscaping crew! ROFLKOTAL!)
They put Chris Brown in this movie because they’re hoping for a hit.
Opening next week – Givers, starring Fek, Chodin, and box full of HIV-laced syringes.
The prequel stars Hayden Christensen.
Wait a minute. You’re telling me I get all that? The vader, the woman beater, the street racing fellar and the guy from herbie fully loaded?!!?? All for the price of one movie? Wow. What a great deal.
This movie needs more docking, less blowing.
Am I the only person that didn’t realize Paul Walker AND Hayden Christensen were in this movie? I thought there character was the same person and thought “Hell, they could’ve got Hayden Christensen to play that role.”
:36 P Walker: “You comin at me with a job right now?”
This actually wasnt from the movie but shot in his agents office.