A U.K. studio is planning a Treasure Island movie, but don’t get the wrong idea, it won’t be like those crusty old things your grandpa used to look at — what were those called? Books? Yeah, screw that. This is gonna be more like if Roxxxy the Sexbot got fisted by an iPad. I hope they call it Treasure Pterodactyl Planet.
Ecosse films wants to update the 19th century tale of pirates and buried gold for contemporary auds, playing up the relationship between Long John Silver and narrator Jim Hawkins. Silver’s character will be hipper, in the style of Robert Downey Jr’s interpretation of Sherlock Holmes. [Variety]
Okay, so when I wrote that opening paragraph I was expecting this to sound a lot dumber. Damned British people and their restraint. I’m just thanking God no one used the word “bromance.” But to be fair, if a gay subplot was ever in order, it’d be in a story about pirates. All that sailing around on a boat full of muscular outlaws, no women in sight. Look, I’m not sayin I’d bang a dude if I were aboard ship, but I’d sure as hell watch.
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Yar ah ah ah ah
Get down with the scurvy
Doomed. If Tim Curry couldn’t pull it off in Muppet Treasure Island, nobody can.
but disney already made Treasure Island IN SPACE! how can they top that?
I liked this better when it was called Pirates of the Caribbean. The first one, anyway.
Actually, I’d see this if they cast Samuel L. Jackson as Long John Silver.
Yargh! they don’t call me LONG John fer nuthin! C’mere Jimmy Cockins!
Contemporary auds are driven by contemporary dcks.
Brokeback Schooner
Walking the plank has never been any sexier.
Yar, matey. Can I interest you in a reach-arrrround?
Misread Pauly’s comment as “wanking the plank”….this practically writes itself
Now this is the role Robert Pattinson’s been waiting for.
Make it about lesbian pirates and add the phrase “Scissor me timbers” and I’m there.
Indulging in fresh fruits are the only sure fire way to prevent scurvy
playing up the relationship between Long John Silver and narrator Jim Hawkins.
So I don’t get it, is the restaurant going to be below deck in the ship?
If there isn’t a scene where a pirate escapes a keelhauling by wakeboarding on a plank I will eat my own tricorne.
Long John Silver has a wooden third leg
Imagine all the wooden (3rd) legs….
*salivates*
Yo Pauly, get the fuck off my dick!
Yar, let’s go to Treasure Island.
Fuck that, Matey, I wanna see the fountains at the Bellarrrgio.
See what I get for spell checking!
Scurvy and dysentery get all the press. No one ever mentions the outbreaks of anal slivers on pirate ships
Long John Silver gave Captain Jack Swallows anal harrrpes
My Grandpa’s Treasure Island was his recliner. He let me keep all the loose change and Werthers I could. Arrrrr.
I was on an island filled with gay pirates once. They were constantly checking to see how big my dick is. That’s the last time I go to Measure Island!
Or that wood worm used to be considered a venereal disease
could FIND. fuck off.
Q: What’s a pirates favorite kind of matey?
A: A HAARRGHd one.
hmm.. nobody’s made any butt pirate jokes yet… perhaps its because we’re all too busy looting each other’s booty
See what I get for spell checking!
Imagine what you’d get for spear chucking!
Whackety schmackety unrelated!
I bet there will be a lot of cutlass crossing. Who knows, there may even be a sword fight too.
*blunderbuss fingers*
My grandpa’s Treasure Island is full of Werther’s Originals.
So I guess the copyright laws for Treasure Island have run out? What’ll be next? Modern Adaption for the Swiss Family Robinson? Wait, I think that was called Pigs in Space.
You’re only a yellow-belly when you fuck face-to-face and he pulls out.
My grandpa’s Treasure Island strangely has the highest STD rate of any other Treasure Islands.
Thar he Bloooows!
I can’t remember what my grandfather kept in his Treasure Island. Probably Werther’s.
Let’s dick-step in the New up. Shall we?