Breaking Dawn, the book in which the Twilight series comes to a crescendo with snorkeling vampires, paralysis-causing super fetuses, fang c-sections, telepathic adult-babies, and werewolf-on-baby love affairs (I didn’t make any of that up, btw), will be split into two movies, according to Deadline Hollywood.
I have this from several sources, and it’s definitive. Filming on the back-to-back movies would begin in mid-October, and Summit Entertainment is looking at “high end” directors. Summit Entertainment no doubt will save money by making these Twilight Saga movies #4 and #5 back to back. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg (who’s written all the Twilight Saga films) is currently adapting Breaking Dawn. Eclipse, the 3rd movie, will be released on June 30th.
Other rumors are that they’re considering 3D and that the vampire baby might have to be all CG. Both are still just rumors, but either way, awesome. Meanwhile, I finally saw most of Twilight on cable the other night. Good God what a joyless, humorless bitch Bella is. Guess what, Edward isn’t refusing to turn you into a vampire because he loves you so much, Edward wants to bang other chicks after you die. Now stop biting your damned lip. Also, I thought this was a good time to check back in with My Life is Twilight.
Today, in history we are starting a research paper, we have to pick a topic from history that interest us. I immediately knew what I was going to write about: the Southern vampire Wars from Eclipse. I was so excited and knew my paper would be best, then i remembered they are not a real event. MLIT.
Today, I was looking for a headband of mine, I couldn’t find it. I then went to put my sheets on my bed, and I couldn’t find the pillowcases, and I couldn’t find my favorite shirt. I was terrified because I thought Newborn vampires had my scent and I was going to get attacked by them! MLIT!
That’s the least of your worries.
While I was on the ski lift in NH, I looked down at the powder snow and thought to myself, “the snow sparkles like Edwards skin” I got really excited, and preceded to daydream about Edward all the way to the top of the mountain… MLIT! :)
Today, I was hanging out in the Chalet after snowboarding. I was randomly staring around the room when my eyes fell on the condiments counter. Over top of the napkins, there was a machine dispensing utensils labelled “Forks.” I stared at it in wonder with a big smile on my face. MLIT
The other day my youth group and I were asking each other funny questions about God. One of my guy friends asked “What kind of car does God drive?” I immediately yelled “A silver, Volvo.” Oh yes… MLIT
Today I covered my boyfriend with glitter and made him stand in the big walk in fridge at work so he would be like Edward :) MLIT
There should be a competing site for Twilight boyfriends, entitled “My Life is Hell”, or “My Beard Loves Twilight.”
Today I was at Starbucks with a friend when I noticed one of the snacks available said ‘sparkle donut’. I bought it because it made me feel like I was eating a Cullen dessert. MLIT.
Yes, get used to replacing men with food.
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There is nothing I can say more hilarious than “I stared at a utensil dispenser longingly because it said “Forks”". God, I feel like such a failure. MLIT
I stuffed a live grenade into my womb so when it exploded I could feel like I was Bella giving birth to Edward’s baby. MLIKABLAMMO!
Donk: Hey baby, want a sparkle donut?
Twihard: Oh yes please!
Donk: *beats her to death*
…
…
Oh shit, that’s not how that joke goes.
Rather than split into two, this whole enterprise and everyone involved in it should be hung, drawn and quartered. Just to be safe.
Unfortunately, ladies, unlike like Edward Cullen, you’ll always be able to see your reflection in the bottom of a cookie tin.
Oh man. ‘swi’s gonna be pissed when he realizes he had to stretch for his Shitty Pity Fang Bang on a Stretch Armstrong post.
Today I was at Starbucks with a friend when I noticed one of the snacks available said ’sparkle donut’. I bought it because it made me feel like I was eating a Cullen dessert. MLIT.
Bet she couldn’t wait to sink her teeth into Edward Cruller.
Today, I was cruising home, bopping to Tom Petty’s “American Girl”, thinking life was awesome. Then I got home and helped this dude move a couch into a van. Next thing I know, I’m in a well. MLISotL
omg, the other day I emptied my boyfriend’s used condom onto his face while he was sleeping and added glitter on top of it so he would remind me of Edward. Finally, MLIT!
There should be a competing site for Twilight boyfriends, entitled “My Life is Hell”, or “My Beard Loves Twilight.”
They could also call it “I’m Imaginary”.
When I think of an Edward Cullen dessert, my mind goes more towards a soggy bisquit than a sparkle donut.
This fucking fat bitch i just woke up next to has Twilight posters all over her bedroom walls. MLIShit
Lance, jsut thanks. I needed this post to make me laugh.
So, there I was, relaxing at my ex-wife’s office when some European asshole tries to kill me. MLIDH
Fathers of guys who like Twilight have their own website called My Wife Is To Blame.
I asked my son why he was dressed as a sparkly fairy for Halloween. He said he was a vampire. When I told him he looked like a faggot he cried and cut his wrists. MWITB.
Hey guys did you hear about Robby P’s next part where he . . .
SONOFABITCH!!!!
I just sprinkled my Colombian drug dealer boyfriend’s cocaine stash all over his body while he slept so he looks like Edward when he wakes up. Can’t wait to see his response! MLIT
The first half will be called ‘Breaking Spine’ and the second half will be ‘Breaking Hymen’.
I plan on sprinkling glitter on my boyfriend as soon as he falls asleep. *sits on hand* MLIT
I just tested positive for HIV. MLIOver
I was sitting at the busstops and then I heared that the jews had killed emilio estevez, I wanted Edwoods from TWILIGHT NUMBER 3 to come on me and make it all sparkle and better. MLIT jajaja.
Coach Billings told me that if I went into the equipment shed with him, I would be able to turn into a vampire. He made me bleed anally. MLIT
+50 vinny for putting in the picture with blade… If only Wesley Snipes were alive to deal with these damn twilight kids
bane of trebeks existence, you should have worn your anal bum cover.
Today, I read the first chapter of Breaking Dawn just to laugh at the godawful cliches and shitty sentence structure. MA(Lit).
Today, I visited a bunch of Rob fansites and messed up their layouts by hacking their code. HTML.
Today, I saw a glazed donut and it reminded me of Edward’s mouth after a night with the boys. MLIFABULOUS – Johnny Weir