Sequels tend to make more than their predecessors, no matter how crappy they are (Ratner’s X3 was the highest-grossing X-Men, for example). That’s why they’re such an easy call. Angels and Demons1, meanwhile, made barely more than half Da Vinci Code, which is not only a good indication that the public’s had an ass full of this franchise, but that interest was waning before the last movie came out. Nonetheless, Sony’s has hired a writer to adapt Dan Brown’s latest, The Lost Symbol. Ron Howard and Tom Hanks haven’t signed yet, but they probably will — it’s not like they did the first two for indie cred. You know the drill:
As the story opens, Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned unexpectedly to deliver an evening lecture in the U.S. Capitol Building. Within minutes of his arrival, however, the night takes a bizarre turn. A disturbing object–artfully encoded with five symbols–is discovered in the Capitol Building. Langdon recognizes the object as an ancient invitation . . . one meant to usher its recipient into a long-lost world of esoteric wisdom. [...] Langdon is instantly plunged into a clandestine world of Masonic secrets, hidden history, and never-before-seen locations–all of which seem to be dragging him toward a single, inconceivable truth. [Amazon via /Film]
As long as Tom Hanks is rocking weird hair and doing a bad Nic Cage impression, they might as well just cast Cage and make it some kind of pop-history, bad hair, buddy professor movie.
HANKS: My great great grandfather Beauregard was ostracized as a coot and died in a mental institution in 1875, but I’ve discovered the clue that proves he was right all along!
CAGE: You don’t mean… Blackbeard’s treasure? You’re crazy, Langdon!
HANKS: Quick! Hand me that penny!
*HANKS takes penny, puts it under a microscope, image pops up on a monitor*
HANKS: There! *adjusts wig*
CAGE: Where? *adjusts wig*
HANKS: Enhance….
HANKS: Enhance…
HANKS: Enhance…
HANKS: There! On his sleeve!
CAGE: Is that… oh my God… Ancient pirate cuff links! Why, do you know what this means?!
HANKS: Of course I do, I’m a symbologist! From Harvard!
TOGETHER: THE ILLUMINATI!
*they kiss*
1. Not be confused, of course, with The Da Vinci Load 2: Angels and Semen. Look that up next time you’re trying to get fired.
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[Nolte ambles forward from the shadows]
“You assholes seen a bag around here?”
[Rip Torn tumbles from a broom closet clutching a pistol]
“Penny for your thoughts?”
After a 3 hour gig, I was exhausted and left some of my gear behind at the bar. I went back the next day to recover my lost cymbal.
…all of which seem to be dragging him toward a single, inconceivable truth.
IT’S PEOPLE!!!
Serious cat has wisely increased his eye-to-life ratio to 1:3.
A disturbing object–artfully encoded with five symbols–is discovered in the Capitol Building.
I bet Al could identify it, and tell you how many batteries it takes.
Homer: I swear, that if I ever reveal the secrets of the Stonecutters, that my stomach shall become bloated, and my head plucked of all but three hairs…
Moe: Um, I think he should have to take a different oath.
Zlotoff is currently in talks with the creators of ‘Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?’ to see if he can take his anti-Macgruber efforts into class-action territory.
Masonicat knows who killed JFK. But, will…not…speak.
The Da Vinky Code is written in crayon and, when unlocked, reveals that puppies are indeed awesome.
The villain in this book is so ridiculous and batshit crazy. I’m calling it now; he’s gonna’ be hilarious on screen.
(Yeah, I read the book. I have no dignity.)
New Up!
more like VatiCANT.
I hear invitations to Roman Polanski’s house are meant to usher recipients into a long-lost world of esoteric wisdom… just look at the banner pic of Tom Hanks. He knows.