(I suppose this begs the question, at what point is it too much Photoshop?)
Ever since Sam Raimi left the Spider-Man franchise, people assumed Sony would now be free to add any ridiculous bells, whistles, flames, ground effects, or cock rings, 3D obviously being first on the list as Hollywood’s obnoxious new toy. But when they announced Marc Webb as the director and an $80M budget, it made 3D seem unlikely (considering Avatar cost upwards of $400M). Not to fear!
Columbia Pictures has decided to make the next installment, which follows Marvel superhero Peter Parker during his high school years, in 3D.”Spider-Man is the ultimate summer moviegoing experience, and we’re thrilled the filmmakers are presenting the next installment in 3D,” said Jeff Blake, chairman of Sony Pictures worldwide marketing & distribution. [Variety]
Remember when your cousin wanted to tint the windows on his Civic hatchback, but he didn’t have the money to get it done professionally, so he just bought some tinting sheets off a Mexican dude and tried to do it himself, but it came out all f*cked up and full of air bubbles? And you thought, “Wow, not only does that look like a trashy sh*tpile now, even in a best-case scenario, you would’ve just ended up driving around all proud of your crappy sh*tbox like an asshole,”? Yeah, it’s kind of like that. Sony is dumb like your dumb cousin. Stay tuned next week, when we all have to pretend their new tribal tat is super cool.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/bourneleagcyteaserposter-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Tooth-Fairy-Main-150x150.jpg)
Low budget 3D is like buying a plastic puka shell necklace.
Low budget 3D is like waiting to buy Mossimo brand clothes until they start selling them at Target.
Low budget 3D is an “interactive video game system that hooks directly into your TV!” instead of getting a Wii.
Low budget 3D is checking out your DVDs from the public library.
Sony went to Panama City Beach with its family last summer and came back wearing a toe ring.
You get what you pay for. That goes for prostitution, as well.
Sony buys its Ed Hardy shirts at Marshalls.
This is like the Nike/Warner Bros. character clothing I can get at my local swap meet.
Vendor: Ju wan’ dees chirt? Eet has Bogs Bonny y Taz sayeeng “Yust do eet”.
Sony was wearing Skidz when Paramount was wearing Cavaricci’s.
Sony was wearing Big Johnson when Warner Bros. was wearing No Fear.
Sony wears fake “Affliction” shirts that say “Application”.
Sony still blogs on Blogspot while all the other studios are on Tumblr.
SONY is now SQNY.
When Sony played Little League, it wore PONY cleats.
SONY’s email address is still AOL because it doesn’t want to take the time to switch to Gmail.
All of Sony’s music is on a Zune.
In my day low budget 3D was called live theater. Not that Sony would know anything about that.
Sony says diet Dr. Thunder tastes just like regular Dr. Thunder.
Sony still wears its Members Only jacket because let’s face it, a jacket is a jacket when it’s chilly outside.
Sony put a sweet grill on its Chrysler 300 and calls it a “baby Bentley”.
Sony does the Malt-o-Meal walk when it buys cereal.
Sony buys Donald Duck orange juice and Peter Pan peanut butter.
Sony has its sets catered by Kraft services… or used to, until they decided the generic Kraft Dinner was good enough
Why yes, those are Bugle Boy jeans Sony’s wearing.
Sony takes his mom shopping to Ross
Look on the bright side: they’ll eventually use 3D so much that they get bored with it and move on to the next big thing. Just like little kids, but with more money.
And then we can all stop wearing those goofy-ass glasses when we go to the movies.
Sony’s celluar provider is Cricket® Wireless.
Sony has a bus pass, but it’s good for the entire month.
Sony’s mom bought it reading glasses at the drugstore.
Sony’s hors devours are potted meat on saltines.
Sony sees all its own movies on TNT for the first time.
Sorry, but Sony can’t stand in line with you for the pizza bar, the state-sponsored free lunch program doesn’t cover that. Don’t worry though, Sony will save you a seat after he gets his salisbury steak meal.
Sony’s 2009 company Christmas present was a COBY walkguy portable cassette player.
Sony only went to Wal-Mart for groceries but it couldn’t leave without those sweet chrome hubcaps.
I heard that 99 Cent Studios are financing this reboot.
Sony knows that sweet-ass spoiler doesn’t match colors and isn’t attached perfectly, but with all the money he saved doing the installation himself, he was able to buy that exhaust tip that makes his ride sound so sweet.
Most of Sony’s clothes are Merona.
Sonys favorite cookies are Great Value Vanilla Wafers
Sony thinks that eating out of unlabeled cans is the best of both worlds. It’s cheap and it’s adventurous. Plus, it’s hardly ever dog food in there.
New up.
Sony logs on hours after everyone else, reads old posts and makes lame jokes in the comments anyway, even though no one will bother to read it anymore.
Billy Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!!!
one time SONY ensured me that smoking weed enhanced his driving skills. I didnt think that many animals and mailboxes could be ran over in that small period of time. but it happened. it. happened.