LUKE WILSON WANTS TO SELL YOU PORNO
02.19.10EMBED-KPCS – Chris Mallik – Watch more free videos
Believe it or not, for Luke Wilson, this past year has been about more than just superior cell service and gravy bongs; he also made a movie. It’s called Middle Men, it just got bought by Paramount for release next year, and it tells the true story of the guys who pioneered internet porn, a subject near and dear to my heart, boner, and past work experience.
Jack Harris [Wilson] has a faithful and loving wife, two beautiful children, and a successful career fixing problem companies. When an associate calls him about an opportunity to help turn around a business that has fallen into trouble, he decides to take the job. Little does he know, it is a decision that will change his life in ways he never expected. Jack meets with Wayne Beering [Giovanni Ribisi] and Buck Dolby [Gabriel Macht], two genius but troubled men who have invented a way to sell adult entertainment over the Internet. The plan was brilliant but the execution wasn’t — they were making money hand-over-fist and losing it just as fast. Seeing the potential, Jack agrees to partner with Buck and Wayne, devising a way to bill the entertainment through a third party, taking the guilt out of the ultimate guilty pleasure. Before he knows it, he finds himself caught between the Russian mob, a 23- year-old porn star, the FBI, and losing his family in the process of becoming rich. Witness a story so outrageous, you won’t believe it’s true. A story that proves business is a lot like sex…getting in is easy, pulling out is hard. [/Film]
Time out, getting in is easy? If that were true, you wouldn’t be making a movie about internet porn, now would you. For that lazy metaphor, I’m gonna cover you with my chloroform hanky and take you on the snoozy train to rape town.


Mobster: “Ve vant our mahnee, comrade.”
Wilson: “You’ll have to catch me first.”
Mobster: “You’re joking, right?”
The phrasing “…making money hand over fist…” begs to be made fun of in the context of an internet porn movie but I just finished a German test and am tired.
A better metaphor for Luke Wilson would be that business is like pants. Getting in is hard, bending over is a tenuous proposition, and getting out can turn ugly really quick.
I can only begin to imagine the horror stories the craft services guys on that set could tell.
I can’t believe they had to pull in Luke Wilson to learn about billing through a third party. Prostitutes have known that trick forever.
Wilson called this a role he could really sink his teeth into. The kind of role that you could cover in chocolate syrup and maybe sprinkle crumbled Butterfingers all over, and then drown that shit in marshmallow fluff and deep fucking fry it… yeah, it’s that kind of role.
Ever since I gave birth, the getting in may be a little too easy :(
Haha! Just kidding (?)
I hear Rape Town is lovely this time of year.
This trailer seems like Blow meets Rounders meets Lord of War meets the neatly coiled piles my neighbor’s dog leaves on my lawn.
Wilson is credited for coining the film’s tag line while hunched over a pint of Haagen dazs.
Porn is the third easiest thing to sell in the world behind booze and weed.
They paid Luke Wilson in Little Debbie’s.
Luke Wilson was pissed off when he found out they were offering him an acting job and not a “big roll”.
Next up for Luke Wilson, he’ll be teaming up with Ann Wilson and Carnie Wilson in 3 Musketeers. Not a film, mind you, but snorkeling in a giant molten vat.
I also like that Luke Wilson’s character just dismisses the setup of him being in debt because he was ‘chasing the American dream’… Well, if you learned to live within your means and be more responsible you wouldn’t be exposing your wife and kids to gangsters and pornographers you TUBBY FUCK!
You know things have gotten bad when your suicidal brother who was dumped by Kate Hudson doesn’t want to be seen with you.
Luke misunderstood and gained all that weight to better help him land the role of the fluffer.
Luke Wilson used to be cute. Oh, for the good old days of Old School.
Channing Tatum considers Luke Wilson “the Robert DeNiro of our” *mumble mumble
Luke Wilson used to be a lot of things. Skinny. Relevant. Entertaining. Wait. No. Scratch that last one.
Making a movie about Internet porn with Luke Wilson and not casting him as Ron Jeremy is a crime to me
Luke’s idea of double penetration is when he shoves two Twinkies into his mouth at the same time.
I wish the verizon wireless downloaded version of luke wilson would star in this instead
Pay for porn? That would be like paying for air. It’s only gonna happen if I’m deprived of it.