Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci wrote Star Trek, Transformers 2, and got exec producer credits on The Proposal last year, and since, as AC/DC teaches us, money talks, they now have roughly 8 billion other projects in development. The latest today is that they’ve been hired to develop a movie adaptation of Locke & Key, a graphic novel by Stephen King’s son, Joe Hill. From Latino Review:
Set in a cool Massachusetts village called Lovecraft, the padre of this familia is murdered and the three kids and mom relocate to their estate, Keyhouse. Turns out the house has many rooms that cannot be opened except by special keys. And scary ass forces in the house start speaking to the padre’s killer and sending him to Lovecraft to finish the job.
Meanwhile, this is just days after the announcement that Kortzi were getting a three-year development deal with Fox TV. Those guys. Living the life, right? Their lives must be one big party. I like to imagine Orci riding around on Kurtzman’s shoulders, laughing and an eating ice cream cone while Kurtzman tries to fly a kite, a trio of lab puppies playfully nipping at his heels.
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Ay ya fackin’ queahs. Mah name’s Tawmmy an’ I’m the padray a’ dis heah familia. Go Sawx!
So the graphic novel was created by Hill of the King?
First, could Latino Review be any more perfect? Secondly, shouldn’t his name be Joe King? Or do you just pick whatever tickles your fancy in Hollywood? And if that’s the case, Joe Hill? Really? I just wrote all interrogative sentences, didn’t I?
Set in a cool Massachusetts village called Lovecraft
This guy is already a better write than his father, who can’t imagine a story taking place outside of Maine.
They also do Fringe with J.J. Abrams, which balances out the suck of Transformers and The Proposal.
Oh my God, I love Fringe so much.
I’m also familiar with scary ass forces in my house hiding behind locked doors to which I don’t have the key. I just wish my dad had actually followed through with it when he told me that some day he’d teach me about all the grunting and screaming he and my mom did in order to “release some demons”.
*CoughRoseRedmeetsAmityvilleHorrorCough*
Hey. Hey. The Stand only partly takes place in Maine. Give King some credit for that one.
a better write than his father
I need an edito to catch all the typos I make.
MIZ, is that cough contagious?
*coughSkeletonKeymeetsTheShiningcough*
Aw damn, now I’m sick.
Herman Munster is the elderly neighbor or GTFO
Wait, what do you mean Fred Gwynne’s been dead for 17 years?
*Exhumes corpse, visits Injun burial ground*
Remember that story Gift of the Orci, where Alex sold his favorite antique typewriter to buy Roberto a whalebone ink holder for his antique fountain pens, but Roberto sold his antique fountain pens to buy Alex ribbons for his antique typewriter, but Alex already had ribbons, which are cheap anyway, and he thought that was a stupid, unthoughtful gift, so he beat Roberto to death with a tire iron for causing him to sell his antique typewriter? That was a good story. They should make a movie about that instead.
If the movie takes place in Massachusetts, they’re legal required to put Mark Wahlberg in it, right?
I just try to type bad sentences now. Maybe typos will make better.
Video Game Narrator: You stand in front of an old wooden door, you feel an ominous presence somewhere on the other side, but the door is locked. There is a skull shape on the doorknob.
Video Game Character: Yeah, ok, I get it. I need to go find the skull key. How about this instead? Since I’m 300-pounds of muscle and there’s a sledgehammer in my inventory, how about I just bust this fucker down?
Narrator: NO NO! don’t do that! Uhhh…it’s held closed by….uhhhh…magic! Yeah, it’s a maaaaaagic door woooooOOOOoooOOOOO!
Character: Oh come the fuck on, I’m pretty sure that lock is brass. Also, the hinges are on my side, I can probably just bust those off. Even if the lock “magically” holds, the wood’s not that thick and, like I said earlier, I’m pretty fucking strong.
Narrator: Listen, do you want this game to be 12 hours long or not? Just go get the key and come back. I’m sure you’ll have lots of fun fighting the 20-foot tall snake that’s guarding it.
Character: You know what? Dr. Psycho can just keep my partner. I never really liked her that much anyway. I’m gonna go steal some cars and beat some hookers to death with my sledgehammer.
He tried to go by Joe King, but every time he’d introduce himself to a producer they’d reply, “Well it’s not very fucking funny,” and walk away.
“scary ass forces”? They’ll reside behind the bathroom door then. Best leave it a few minutes.
Light a match, CB!
I have scary ass forces after burrito night.