I HATE YOU STUPID GD YUPPIES SO MUCH
02.14.10Over the weekend, vacuous sorority girls all over the country dragged their neutered boyfriends along to see what would happen if an issue of Us Weekly and a little-kid-holding-a-rose-bouquet poster had a retarded baby. The girls laughed when they were expected to laugh, the guys discussed finance, and a million satisfactory evenings were capped off with adequate, missionary-style sex. Thus Valentine’s Day earned $54.4 million and became the number one movie at the box office.
The success of the film, an interconnected story of clichés that happen to white people, all but guarantees Hollywood will try to make 10 more of these barely-assembled buckets of smelly yak twat. As an educated, middle-class white person, I’m sort of the target demographic, but the truth is, this movie makes me want to join Al-Qaeda. In fact, I think that was the tagline. ”Valentine’s Day, an Al-Qaeda-financed recruitment video starring Ashton Kutcher.”
| Film | Weekend | Per | Total | |
| 1 | Valentine’s Day | $52,410,000 | $14,300 | $52,410,000 |
| 2 | Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief | $31,100,000 | $9,267 | $31,100,000 |
| 3 | The Wolfman | $30,627,000 | $9,506 | $30,627,000 |
| 4 | Avatar | $22,000,000 (-3.7%) | $8,194 | $659,605,000 |
| 5 | Dear John | $15,300,000 (-49.8%) | $5,143 | $53,178,000 |
| 6 | Tooth Fairy | $5,600,000 (-15.5%) | $2,038 | $41,528,000 |
| 7 | From Paris with Love | $4,740,000 (-41.9%) | $1,741 | $15,850,000 |
| 8 | Edge of Darkness | $4,585,000 (-33.1%) | $1,753 | $36,069,000 |
| 9 | Crazy Heart | $4,000,000 (+12.1%) | $3,980 | $16,526,000 |
| 10 | When in Rome | $3,429,000 (-38.2%) | $1,614 | $26,027,000 |
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I’m looking forward to St. Patrick’s Day, a collection of stories about guys waiting for girls to get black-out drunk before dragging them back to their
rape lairfrat house.Sure you hate it now. But when Tyler Perry does his version you’ll be begging to stick your dick in this WASP nest.
I read that this is a “perfect date” movie … it’s a good thing I have the perfect date! A chick with a little hard body, who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things, and who essentially will keep her dumb fucking mouth shut.
This is John Mayer’s dick’s new favo(u)rite movie.
I would only take my girlfriend to an Ashton Kutcher movie if I hated her.
In God’s eyes, it’s actually better to just rape a girl, rather than use this film as a stepping stone to her pants.
when you turn down sex with a sorority girl with a girl from Phi MOOOOOOOOO let me know
btw vince… your posting a lot, and its valentines day… do you not have a date and does that make jacktion! your sweetheart?
Pete Hammond gave this film two thumbs up.
His butt.
My Valentines Day movies star your moms Ass then Koochie.
Goddammit, makers of Valentine’s Day, I hate you so, so much.
I hate romantic comedies in general. But this one seems extra awful and cheesy and cloying and unoriginal and rage-inducing.
I wish I was in a coma so I could celebrate Valentine’s Day on Pandora…
Token, I’m not sure the world is ready for Madea Luther King, Jr. Day.
You know, I’m not bitter. I just hate how Hollywood seems to associate having a vagina with having little or no standards.
I saw Wolfman. It had nards.
Also, his pubic hair was perfect.
Saw Wolfman today, it was pretty much bad. It felt like it was edited together by an ADHD 8 year old with a healthy supply of cocaine.
Movies like Valentine’s Day make happy I’m single today. Now if you’ll excuse me I see a lot of porn and crying in my future this evening.
I saw a fat, neckbearded Canadian poet recite shitty poetry at the Opening Ceremony. Gayest Opening Ceremony of all-time. They did have those hilariously massive scrotum poles, though.
It was better than having to see Valentine’s Day.
I’d rather die in a luge crash than see Valentine’s Day.
I’d rather die of VD than see VD.
I asked a girl if she wanted to see Valentine’s Day; she said yes. So, I gently peeled the duct tape from her mouth and untied her hands and whispered to her “then stop fucking screaming and squirming around so much.
I think she died sometime early Saturday morning. This is why I never say “I promise”.
So, it turns out that this is NOT the long-awaited sequel to the classic 2001 slasher starring David Boreanaz, Denise Richards and Katherine Heigl. I want a refund.
There’s a Valentine’s Day with Katherine Heigl?
Well, that one is automatically worse.
btw vince… your posting a lot, and its valentines day… do you not have a date and does that make jacktion! your sweetheart?
Wow, that was almost relevant. If you had spelled “you’re” correctly and used capital letters, someone might have thought it was funny.
IS THAT THE SECRET?
Valentine’s what? I’m celebrating Chinese New Year.
Coincidentally both holidays end with me masturbating into my jizz rag
atty Boo: it was just called Valentine, and I never actually saw it (honest!) … but it might be worth it for a Heigl death scene.
The true sequel, which takes place next February 14th, will be aptly titled ‘Unoriginal Idiots’ Wedding Anniversary Day’.
Coincidentally, today is also the Mexican New Year, or “Valens Time Day”.
Katherine Heigl dies? I take it back; it’s a better movie.
Is VD a prequel to JVCD?
Hopefully everyone involved in Valentine’s Day will go the way of the Saint and get slaughtered.
#1 phrase uttered by attending men at the end of the film towards their woman: “Go Fuck Yourself!”
Valentine’s Day: The Film… Their final straw, broken. This Summer, the Valentines return to take their revenge on those who finally and utterly destroyed their day. They’ll have it in… All Saints Valentine Day.
To stay true to the Valentine’s Day theme for the movie Valentine’s Day, I will dress as a cop and Tommy Gun everyone in the theater.