(When Jeremy Renner goes down on a woman, he doesn’t do it half way)
My Google alert for “game-changer” went off another 100 times this morning, and surprisingly, one of the articles it pinged wasn’t about James Cameron. It was about The Hurt Locker. From NY Daily News:
Nominated yesterday for nine Academy Awards — tying “Avatar” — Kathryn Bigelow’s action drama may be a game-changer, [You said the secret word! You said the secret word! *flails around in circles*] an Iraq film that’s a true artistic success, if not a financial one. (The movie, now on DVD, has taken in less than $20 million since its limited release last summer, just about breaking even.)
Though the film is smart and gripping, one of its greatest strengths is that it doesn’t traffic in classic war-movie stereotypes (wide-eyed recruits, grizzled vets, bullet-filled battles). The patrols that Best Actor nominee Jeremy Renner and his team go on as bomb disposal experts in 2004 Baghdad rarely put them into traditional combat. There is instead a constant, unseen tension that breeds a kind of adrenaline addiction.
You! She learned it from watching you, James! *sponsored by the Partnership for a game-changer-free America*
On a serious note, hearing that The Hurt Locker barely broke even makes my eyelid twitch. There is nothing about that movie that wouldn’t play to a broad audience. Any theater owner who wouldn’t play it should have their balls removed, as they clearly aren’t using them anyway. God, it makes me so mad. I’ve got half a mind to punch my kitty-of-the-month calendar right in its stupid, furry face. Auugggghhh! I’m so full of impotent rage!! *drinks coffee really fast*
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“Defusing a bomb” is what I call it when I have to go take a shit.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go defuse a bomb.
There is instead a constant, unseen tension that breeds a kind of adrenaline addiction.
So, it’s like The Blair Witch Project of war films?
To capitalize on the game-changing success of The Hurt Locker Uwe Boll will next direct a screen adaptation of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
This is your brain *holds up an egg*
This is your brain when it’s been game changed *puts 3D glasses on egg*
Any questions?
It wasn’t in 3-D so nobody saw it.
The Hurt Locker failed to follow the #1 war-movie stereotype that ensures financial success: the black always dies first
*the black guy
FML
In related news, Hugh Hefner is looking for a diaper changer.
I might have sh*t myself if Hurt Locker had been in 3-D.
#2 war-movie stereotype? Anal rape hazing scene in the barracks
I have a kitty-of-the-month calendar, too. But for one week of every month, the kitty is replaced by a female dog.
Yeah, there’s absolutely nothing about ‘Hurt Locker’ that says it would work in the Midwest. I mean, I understand not using Larry the Cable guy because you don’t want to oversaturate the market with him, but I’ve not heard mention of a single talking badger or christ-figure protagonist.
I call my fifi The Spurt Locker.
Battlefield Earth made more than Hurt Locker. Ballistic: Ecks versus Sever made more than Hurt Locker. KAZAAM MADE ABOUT THE SAME AMOUNT AS HURT LOCKER, and that was in 1996 when gas was $1.35 a gallon, Tupac was still alive and hockey was still relevant
Kidding, kidding: hockey’s never been relevant
I call your condom a Spurt Blocker.
Yeah, but KAZAAM! was before people knew George Michael was gay, so people could take their families to shows.
Anyone who doesn’t like the drumming in Rush is a Peart Knocker.
Jeremy Renner was the only good thing about S.W.A.T. Well, also when Michelle Rodriguez got a taco as her last meal before she was executed. That was pretty good too.
There is instead a constant, unseen tension that breeds a kind of adrenaline addiction.
The same could be said about ‘Airborne’.
Samuel L. Jackson was brilliant in SWAT. Also, it (along with Starsky and Hutch) pretty much killed the “let’s remake crappy old 70s shows as movies” movement. Then again, Hollywood then moved to “let’s rape our audiences’ childhood by remaking their favorite 80s shows” so maybe so maybe that’s not a plus.
There’s a constant, unseen tension in my pants that breeds a kind of stinky pant stain.
“There is instead a constant, unseen tension that breeds a kind of adrenaline addiction.”
Yeah, and Jarhead fucking sucked.
It is being released here this week, and they called it “lives to the limit” I guess because it´s from the director of “limit point”. I hate the distribuitors who change the names of movies.
I call your premature ejaculation the Spurt Clocker