Looks like I won’t be needing you anymore, glitter-covered fifi.
That’s because someone (finally!) made an Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson sex pillow, or “manllow: half man, half pillow” as they’re calling it. Wait, did I say sex pillow? I meant abstinence-support pillow. Just don’t lean on it too hard, it doesn’t know if it can control itself around you. Coming soon, Edward Cullen manllow chest-extenders, for the young lady with more loneliness to love. ”I like to watch you sleep, and stuff your face with ice cream.”
No word on whether they’re resistant to cat fur.
[Thanks to ToplessRobot for finding this]
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There’s no bottom of the pillow because the pillow is a bottom.
Looks like I can save my money on the Kristen Steward sex pillow. I already have someone that doesn’t do shit, lays around all the time and doesn’t like to fuck. Lucky me!!!
I bought one of these but it broke out in hives after I used it. Anyone know why?
Don’t get this thing anywhere NEAR your vagina.
If that third picture is any indication, Taylor Lautner likes it face down ass up, too.
This is fantastic news for James Franco!
What is creepier, Real Dolls or E.C. Sex Pillow?
Holy shit, it must be true. The Pattinson doll is totally checking the Lautner doll’s oil!!!
If a woman tries to put the pillow between her legs, it screams and flies across the room.
Jonah Hill is half-man, half-pillow, this thing is just a man-shaped pillow. There’s a HUGE difference.
I bet they sell the “manllow” in the Gropa Cabana.
I bought this. Big mistake. All it does is spend every night and every day ignoring me and cuddling with my Barry Manllow.
BOOSH!
Dear Seltzer and Friedberg – if you promise to use this scary fucking pillow thing to play the main character in your assuredly upcoming Twilight spoof, I promise to purchase all of your DVDs.
Well, I guess if you are what you eat, Edward Cullen probably is half-pillow.
Your dick feels so nice pressed up against mine, Morty.
A vampire that bites himself? Oh, the irony.
I hope it is easy to clean cat hair off of those pillows.
It really does, but I’m trying to pretend like I didn’t get your joke, Jack!. What is that, BTK? Do you shampoo your bush? Classy!
Edward Cullen Manllow come pre-coated with cat fur to eliminate that uncomfortable break-in period associated with other bedding products.
DICKS EVERYWHERE!!!!
Hey – upstate underdog – get the fuck out of my brain.
My Grandpa’s R-Pattlow is filled with Werther’s. I’m confused.
I’m not surprised that this happened. I’m just surprised that it took so long.
The Sarah Michelle Gellar version is frighteningly realistic. It also has no chin.
In order to keep it life-like, the manufacturers use the same stuffing procedure as the real Robert Pattinson.
This is better than my Rose McGowan sex pillowcase.
Better get that thing Scotch Guarded post haste so all the tears of loneliness and Ben and Jerry’s doesn’t stain it.
Poor Robert Pattinson must be rolling over in his grave right now
In order to keep it life-like, the manufacturers use the same stuffing procedure as the real Robert Pattinson.
I’ve seen that same method in the Build-a-Gay-Bear Workshop.
And Jack!, Franco would never leave Kimiko-tan.
Does the Taylor Lautner one “popple” into a wolf doll? Anyone else remember popples?
*turns off vacuum, looks up from airtight black trashbag containing manllow*
Say, that IS realistic!
*Thumbs up, tooth shine*
I will totally buy one of these and tape a picture of Chodin over the face.
Patty, it’s proven that he’s into threesomes.
DICKS EVERYWHERE!!!!
If it were vaginas everywhere this wouldn´t be a pattinson post
Erswi’s “Shitty Pity Fang Bang” joke would have worked much better here.
Need some clumps of hair Jack?
The only more surefire way to win a pillow fight at the sleepover you’ll never have* is to buy a pillow filled with doorknobs.
*because you have no friends.
If this thing doesn’t have a cock and anus,
I’m going to be pretty pissed offI’m going to have to learn to sew.PFC approved?
The good news is that we won’t be seeing those annoying Facebook in-the-mirror self portrait photos of E.C. Manllow owners posing with their new ‘boyfriend.’
They should make it glow in the dark, so it can function as a TwiNightlight.
*Limbers up*
I bet the stuffing is made with wool from a stupid lamb.
*Takes flying leap towards corner, falls on belly two feet from keyboard.*
I pity the poor fat Twilight fans* who bust its seams on the first ride.
* I think there might be one or two
Laugh all you want fuckers, but now I’ve got something to watch me sleep just like I’ve always wanted AND something that lets me ride in the carpool lane.
Do these things burst into flames when you say your nightly prayers?
Pattinson Manllow comes standard with No-Memory foam.
I’m gonna BeDazzle mine to get the full sparkly vampire effect!
I bet this manllow gives great reach arounds.
You’d think a Bella pillow would make more sense. Then they wouldn’t have to remove the personality.
You haven’t made it as an author until one of your characters becomes a sex pillow. Take that Sapphire, author of “Push” inspiration for Precious.
Danny Trejo’s sex pillow is just a burlap sack full of oranges.
The trouble with these pillows is that they don’t stay firm for long, so they need to be constantly fluffed.
I’ve got the Gary Busey sex pillow. It’s a cinder block with a 220v socket and a cup holder.
The Japanese version can be programmed to molest you with its tentacles on the subway
The Gerald Posner pillow will give you nightmares.
The Lindsay Lohan pillow will steal your wallet.
Pillow was the case that they gave me.
The Jacob pillow is made from native American materials.
The Brittany Murphy pillow doubles as a pill dispenser.
The Bella pillow is a little wooden.
The David Carradine sex pillow is designed for easy closet storage.
The Jacob pillow is made from native American materials.
I believe that’s what’s called a “Dream Catcher”.
The Cam Gigandet pillow is made from the sloughed off skin of Channing Tatum’s disfigured junk.
This is okay, but I’d rather buy the Roman Polanski crib for my child.
The Kirstie Ally pillow he five folds you can fuck.
The Patrick Swayze sex pillow starts out really firm but wastes away to practically nothing.
My Angelina Jolie pillow somehow keeps collecting small brown pillows…
The Hunter S. Thompson pillow parties way harder than you do
The Kevin Smith pillow is just the Kirstie Ally with a beard.
The Luke Wilson pillow slowly takes over the entire bed.
I just ordered a Kevin Smith pillow. Ground shipping was my only option.
The Rosie O’Donnell pillow is too lumpy and stinks of fish.
The Ron Howard Pillow will hold you gingerly.
I can’t get my Brian Wilson pillow off my bed.
The Hulk Hogan pillow is covered in roasted turkey skin.
The Jack Black pillow will fuck her gently
The Terry Schiavo Pillow is so lifelike!
I can’t get my Brian Wilson pillow off my bed.
I heart you, Stoney.
The Heath Ledger pillow just lays there, but will help you balance your expense account.
The Corky Pillow is 100% down-filled.
The Michael Jackson pillow will give your child nightmares.
I have my original George Hamilton Love at First Bite pillow. It’s turned orange.
The Joaquin Phoenix pillow is a Teddy Ruxpin that’s been in a car accident.
Every morning I wake up and have to re-stuff my Karen Carpenter pillow. It’s so weird.
The David Carradine pillow carries a “Choking Hazard” warning label.
The spazmodic pillow is gonna be late for work…
The John Graziano pillow will hold your beer for you when you get up to take a piss.
The Jett Travolta pillow is machine-wash only.
Aww the spazmodic pillow thinks it’s people!
The Carnie Wilson pillow will give you neck cramps cuz it starts out soooo big, but by morning is almost flat.
The Carlos Mencia pillow makes you vote Republican
The Travis Barker pillow comes with a smoke detector.
The Sam Worthington pillow can be found in almost all new bedding sets. You might enjoy resting your head on it for an hour or two, but it won’t leave a lasting impression.
The Geroge Washingto pillow will fuck.you.up.
The Bob Barker pillow will mutilate your pet’s sex organs.
The Ice Cube pillow starts out hard, but after a time, gets really soft.
The Nodar Kumaritashvili pillow has absolutely no neck support.
I just bought a Hervé Villechaize throw pillow.
The M. Night Shamalamadingdong pillow’s ends are twisted.
The Sarah Palin pillow is full of shit.
I bought the new Conan O’Brien pillow but tossed it and went back to my old one.
The Andy Garcia pillow includes a removable travel-sized version.
The Mattew McConaughy pillow smells of weed and pitchouli oil.
The Ron Weasley pillow got all his stuffing stolen by the Hermione Granger Pillow
The James Cameron pillow is stuffed with money and doesn’t give a fuck what you think.
The Michael Bay pillow exploded.
The Wesley Snipes pillow just kicked the shit out of your Edward Cullen pillow
I can’t get my Elizabeth Smart pillow to go in its pillowcase for some reason.
The Pat Pobertson pillow knows your insomnia is because of the gays.
The Michael Steele pillow comes in a black pillowcase
The Jennifer Grey pillow is still in the corner because some jerk threw out the Patrick Swayze pillow.
The Larry King pillow is all about pillow talk.
The Patrick Stewart pillow will make it sew.
The Scott Peterson pillow will use itself to smother you.
The Paris Hilton pillow comes with a Grey Goose pillow, a case that’s way too short, and Chlamydia.
The Dane Cook pillow fits inside the Carlos Mencia pillow that fits into the Mike Birbiglia pillow.
The Tobey MacGuire pillow dresses up like a spiderman pillow so it can go on your mom’s bed
In Soviet Russia, Gay Edward Cullen Pillow bites you!
The Winona Ryder pillow has a hidden pocket to hide your watch in.
The Kim Kardashian pillow is very wide at the bottom.
The Kunta Kinte pillow is filled with handpicked cotton
The Sinbad pillow fades away and nobody cares.
The Shia Lebouef pillow’s price is $22.3.
The Britany Spears pillow will let anything fuck it.
The Cristina Hendricks pillow has two elevated bumps
to stabilize your head while sleepingto jerk off your penis in betweenThis time the pillow needs you to be Hypo-allergenic.
The Michael J Fox pillow has a vibrate function.
Which can’t be switched off, unfortunately.
The Cam Gigandent pillow is just a blank pillowcase.
The Wolfman pillow has nards!
The Al Swearengen pillow is a real cocksucker.
The Luke Wilson pillow is over-stuffed.
The Luke Walton pillow is just a stretched Vince Mancini pillow.
The Heidi Montag pillow is 110% synthetic.
The Will Smith pillow is stuffed with white cotton candy.
The spazmodic pillow isn’t getting much work done…
The Crapbasket pillow just had its innards ripped out by the Al Swearengen pillow.
The Tracy Morgan pillow will get you preg-nent.
The Gary Busey pillow will remove your internal organs while you sleep.
Before using the Howie Mandel pillow you have to bathe in anti-bacterial lotion.
The Jame Gumb pillow’s case is made from the skin of great big fat persons.
Is someone looking for a beating? I use a pillowcase filled with guns for that.
The Celine Dion pillow is bony, uncomfortable and downright unattractive, yet is unbelievably popular.
The Multiple Miggs pillow lobs its jizz on YOU!
the mr. manhattan pillow makes me feel uncomfortable
[Wu is explaining his problem to Al by drawing pictures]
Mr. Wu: Bok Gwai Lo… cocksucka!
Al Swearengen: Yeah, glad I taught you that fuckin’ word. These are whites, huh?
Mr. Wu: White cocksucka! [shows empty bag]
Al Swearengen: Two white cocksuckers killed him and stole the dope that he was bringing to you.
Mr. Wu: White cocksucka! You, Swedgin.
Al Swearengen: [suddenly enraged] The dope that you were gonna fuckin’ sell to me?
Mr. Wu: White cocksucka.
Al Swearengen: These two white cocksuckers? Who the fuck did it?
Mr. Wu: Wu?
Al Swearengen: “Who,” you ignorant fuckin’ chink!
Mr. Wu: Wu!
Al Swearengen: Who? Who? Who stole the fucking dope?
Mr. Wu: Cocksucka!
Al Swearengen: Aw, Jesus.
God I miss that show. FUCKing David Milch and his bullshit John from Cincinati tangent.
You’ll never be able to close your eyes again if you sleep with the Angelo Mendoza Sr pillow.
The Hitler pillow takes over the whole damn bed.
Danny Trejo doesn’t need a pillow, ese. He sleeps against a giant cactus.
The Star Wars pillow is Jar Jar Binks…*shrugs shoulders and continues a** raping the pillow*
Damn, Crappy, it’s time for another Deadwood marathon weekend fo sho!
The David Blaine pillow is really an annoying douche.
The Rosie Perez pillow will give you a monster headache.
Rip Torn’s pillowcase is filled with the paper towels he just stole from his own reflection.
Ewok pillows may be cute and fuzzy, but they ruin the tone of the original decor.
I want to fall asleep on Christina Hendricks’s pillows.
It’s always a god time for a Deadwood marathion.
So how’s ’bout it Al, brimming with Olympic spirit?
Oh, I’m brimmin with SOMEthing, alright.
Gonna watch the Norskies crash and burn against Canada in another hour.
I’m so torn.
The Verne Troyer pillow is made of micro fiber.
The Quentin Tarantino version is full of unnecessary pillow-talk.
(fuck’s sake, step away for a few hours and miss the biggest new UP in weeks)
Oh for fuck’s sake. 60+ comments on a Lost post over at Warming Glow. 160+ here on pillows. I’m gonna go to Gamma Squad now and if there are more than 8 comments on any post there, i’m going home.
The Edward Cullen sex pillow is exclusively available at Hot Topic, Bath and Beyond.
“My boyfriend’s parents came to visit us and he insisted we give them our bed so I had to give up my Edward Cullen sex pillow and pity fuck the plain dust ruffle in the guest room instead. MLIT.”
Well, on whomever victory smiles, you can celebrate, either for lineage or nationallity.
I’m looking forward to the US V Can squabble, though I doubt the US’s weak forwards and shit defense will hold.
The McNabb pillow is a Bro Throw Pillow.
The McNair one is full of holes.
Apparently, the Edward Cullen sex pillow is a guaranteed 160+ thread count.
[pionts at MCP&T, gives thumbs up]
The Paul Reubens pillow is preloaded with jizz.
According to The Simpsons, hockey will come down to the US v Russia for gold.
Cartoons are always right :*(
Don’t worry, they also tried to show me that Coca-Cola makes people happy, which is complete horse shit unless there’s rum or Jack Daniels in it.
The Tom Cruise pillow will stay in your house, as long as there aren’t any gays around
The Edward Cullen pillow is resisting the urge to bite you, but it’s still a pain in the neck.
The Tom Siezmore pillow will give you lice.
The Anne Hathaway pillow has three penetrable orifices.
Compliments my Kevin Smith beanbag chair perfectly
This is what I get for trying to be productive. All the good poon-allergy, pillow biter, and James Franco jokes already used. Oh! Oh!
The Lady GaGa pillow has an ornate pillow case to distract from its low quality as well as a curiously placed tag betwixt its legs.
Lindsey Graham has a show tunes singing Hugh Jackman pillow with realistic chest hair.
(sorry for a potential dick step)
Can anyone else not get ‘Queers on my pillow, pain from my fart, caused by you, you’?
why not just put an edward mask on some average joe and have sex with that?