Police in New Mexico found a body buried in someone’s front yard last week, which no one would care about at all, except that front yard once sort of belonged to Christian Bale. Says TMZ:
We’ve learned in 2008, while Bale was filming “Terminator: Salvation” in Albuquerque, New Mexico, the body of Michael Snyder lay in the front yard. Snyder had been missing for 8 years … buried at the home the entire time. The body was discovered last week, after cops received a tip. Snyder’s ex-wife has been arrested and charged with murder. Bale obviously had no idea the body was in the yard.
As the police finally dug the guy out, I like to imagine Christian Bale standing on the steps going “Ooooh goood for yoooou.”
Seriously though, there’s like five articles about this on the entire internet and all of them seem to be most concerned with the Christian Bale angle. See, this is why when I need to kill a girlfriend, I bury her inside Horatio Sanz.
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Chris Klein brought a dead girl to the New York Times and they still didn’t put that shit in the paper.
This isn’t funny, Christian. I had dinner with Paul Allen last week.
The corner stated that the cause of death was a good looking buisness card.
When I killed my first husband I buried him with Stephen Dorff’s career.
The corner also stated that the victim was a tumbling, tumbling dickweed.
Oh, he knew he was there. I would so check whether the sales of lube and air freshener trees went up that year.
See, I bury something after my wife receives a tip. Different strokes, I guess.
The corner also stated that nobody puts baby in me.
Pauly, get in the coroner.
Crispin Glover has just offered Bale $4 million for that house.
When reached for comment, Christian Bale said he had to return some video tapes.
Also, Horatio has already buried it in all your girlfriends, if you know what I mean.*
*sex
When questioned by authorities, the wife nervously laughed, stalled a minute and then exclaimed how she was going to sue the gardener who sold her that faulty cactus seed.
Bale obviously had no idea the body was in the yard.
Because he never MOWED HIS GRASS! [mumbles} asshole neighbor.
The real shocker would be to find a yard in Albuquerque that didn’t have a body buried in it.
Hey, whatever happened to Glen? Is he buried somewhere near Christian Bale?
TRYING GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD!
Snyder knew he’d be left interred in Albuquerque…
Wearing a six-button wool and silk suit Ermenegildo Zegna, a cotton shirt with French cuffs by Ike Behar, a Ralph Lauren silk tie and leather wing tips by Fratelli Rossetti, Bale responded to our requests for comment by murdering a hobo.
The only good way to get rid of a body in that city is to dry the meat and sell it as Albu-jerky.
It’s not a tuber! It’s not a tuber…at all.
When I was about 9, a mass grave was found in the basement of a house across the street from my own. Evidently the mafia had been using it as such for decades. I walked home from school wondering what was going on, only to find one of the local TV reporters relaxing on my front step. He told me what had happened and asked if he could interview me, but I declined. True story.
I think it’s genius that she buried him in the front yard, the neighbors wouldn’t believe what they were seeing and the cops would never think to look there.
Also found buried in the yard was the Terminator franchise.
When he told his wife he wanted to get buried in her front yard this was not what he meant.
The Fantastic Four, Good Luck Chuck, and The Love Guru were all Jessica Alba Turkeys.
Bale confirmed with the police that he would never harm anyone that wasn’t directly related to him or worked on one of his films.
I usually bury my bones in the backyard.
*plays kazoo*
Horatio Caine: So what do we have here?
Medical Examiner: Victim was reported missing for 8 years. He was found buried in a backyard of a house that used to belong to Christian Bale.
Horatio Caine: Whoever did this *puts on sunglasses* was a real American Psycho.
YEAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Why has no one read through the lines on this one? This is how Skynet gets to John Connor by getting him killed via the death penalty…