That guy who became internet-famous for his 70-minute video review of Star Wars Episode I is back with a review of Avatar. It’s pretty dead-on, and only 18 minutes this time. Some key quotes:
“Avatar tells the story of Dances with Wolves in space, in order to advance a director’s already-vast ego, and to advance movie technology further in the wrong direction.”
“In the movie, a crippled Marine is patched into the brain of a human-hybrid alien thing from a race called the Na’avi, which is like blue man group meets black people.”
“Now if your brain is made of Play-Doh, and you actually have some human emotion left, then Avatar can mold you into like a crying, tree-hugging man-baby.”
Anyway, it’s great if you like things you already knew delivered in an entertaining, long-winded fashion. Basically, you should watch it at your desk if you hate your boss but don’t have the balls to burn his house down. (Pussy).
[hat tip: CinemaBlend]
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Fortunately, my boss telecommutes from Haiti so that saved me some time.
Well if nobody else is here, I’m gonna get naked in the FilmDrunk hot tub.
Blue Man Group meets black people? PVC pipe smacking with soul? One thing is for sure, they got the blues so bad.
Burnsy is it a Time Machine too? Cause I’d like to go back in time before I watched that abortion called Legion.
The only way that Avatar tat could look better is if she was frenching Edward. How long till that crossover happens?
If I wanted to dedicate 18 minutes to how bad Avatar is, I’d just do a search on FilmDrunk and read about 1/3 of the posts.
awesome…he’s dead on
i hope that allison brie pic on the right never goes away
You guys are fucken pathetic. There are a gazillion movies that takes after each other. If you’re going to bash a movie on that premise, you’re going to have to spend a lifetime doing it cause probably 90% of the movies out there are not original. Where the hell did you get Dances with Wolves in Space from? Avatar doesn’t even take place in Space. It’s in another Planet called Pandora dipshits. It’s in another fucken planet. If you’re going to bash a movie that raked in over $2 billion, at least make sense doing it. Plus, anyone who bashes a movie that raked in over $2 billion are dimwitted anyway. Seriously, just think about it. You “critics” failed already, you lost. Move on.
Oh yeah, that guy who reviewed Avatar, it’s ironic how he talks about Avatar not being original, yet every fucken comment he made in that 1.5 month late review are all regurgitations of what has already been said. It’s almost verbatim from what we’ve all been reading since the beginning. What a loser.
*snicker*
The Mighty Feklahr understands that only Romulan-coddling cross-dressing surrender-monkeys sign up for movie blogs as “Spacetraveler” (to bitch about criticisms of a movie he claims doesn’t even take place in space).
Oh, yeah…nice AVATAR, pick it out by yourself?
Fine, we’ll call it “Dances with Wolves on an Alien Planet Called Pandora.”
But we’re still going to make fun of it.
Fine Spacetraveler, you win. We won’t make fun of a movie that made $2 billion. Well make fun of all the idiots that proclaimed it the greatest movie ever and saw it 75 times in 3D because their lives are so stupid that they can’t even understand that other planets exists in space, and have to comment on old posts and argue with people who probably aren’t going to come back a week later to see if some slack-jawed retard who wants to live with big blue cat people came up with a witty retort.
And by the way, you didn’t.
Come on, guys. I think of all people, SPACETRAVELER, would know that Pandora isn’t in space! And also that the sun revolves around Earth, the Earth is flat, and James Cameron discovered gravity.
Spaceman, maybe there’s something I missed, but were the queues on the cat people in Pandora a stick that was solidly shoved up their ass? Are you trying to be like your heroes?
Do everyone a favor and wrap your queue with a buzzsaw.
Spacetraveler, do you know what will happen if I put a piece of aluminum foil in my front yard and wait until the next morning? That piece of shiny aluminum foil will be surrounded by a flock of excited, curious crows. If I leave the aluminum foil, the crows will be back the very next morning and be every bit as excited and curious as before. Does this mean that the shiny aluminum foil is super-interesting? No, it means that crows are really fucking stupid to be so fascinated by a goddamn piece of aluminum foil.
Ahh, Moose, but what happens when those crows get 3D glasses?
I will have to go to a matinee to see this with my trench coat on so I can punish my cock to these sexy blue faggots.
Oh yeah you guys are so cool. Calling “Avatard” losers for watching the movie several times, yet you probably spent countless hours reading Avatar related articles and trying to prove your superiority in taste by commenting and mocking them. What do you call a group of people who’ve spent a lot of time trying prove to others how much of a loser the other groups are? BIGGER LOSERS. LOL. Maybe the mob mentality here is shielding you guys from the obvious, but I’ll let you all in on a little secret. You’re all fucken idiots.
That’s “fucking idiot” you tower-climbing retard.
What do you call a group of people who’ve spent a lot of time trying prove to others how much of a loser the other groups are?
Sportswriters?
Avatar was okay, but it’s no Space Jam.
I mean Michael Jordan AND Bugs Bunny?
[b]What do you call a group of people who’ve spent a lot of time trying prove to others how much of a loser the other groups are?[/b]
Anonymous!
BTW, only 12 year-old girls write “LOL”
Nathan, use the pointy brackets.
Less than and greater than signs.
Guys, back the fuck off of SpaceTraveler. It couldn’t have been easy to lose all taht waigt, and now none of his harmonica vests fit rigt! LOL!
Trolly trolly, trolly, TROLL! TROOOOLLLL!!
Hey Spacetraveler (is that a euphemism for a parking lot attendant?) I liked the movie. It was what it was, a ride at Disneyland, bright, amusing, highly entertaining, but not really earthshaking as a life changing event. Sure it’s something you remember and talk to people about, but don’t let the thing run your life. I will dump on the unoriginal plot because I expect better from Cameron, and I will laude his shooting style, coherent well choreographed action sequences, and a benchmark vision for how 3D should be filmed.
But you’re still a troll.
Tits.
Thank you, Jack.
Plus, anyone who bashes a movie that raked in over $2 billion are dimwitted anyway.
Ahaha. Anyone ARE dimwitted!
Also, because something makes a lot of money, I’m not allowed to make fun of it? While I’ll admit that making fun of poor people is a lot of fun, I’m not limiting myself solely to that.
Spacetraveler, I’m going to break my vow to not see this movie just for you. Your passion has inspired me to appreciate other points of view.
“Countless hours reading Avatar related articles”? Hell no. I spent 15 minutes, found out there were was no nudity, then spent those aforementioned countless hours looking at porn.