(Odin didn’t tap)
After the jump, I’ve got a sneak preview of Valhalla Rising, a viking movie from Bronson director Nicholas Winding Refn. The two-minute video contains pretty much all the things I like — beheadings, axe killings, disembowelings, shirtless prisoners choke-wrestling, and sharks 69-ing. Okay, maybe not that last one, but poetic license.
The clip’s pairing of the most brutal and über-violent footage from the film with Tchaikovsky’s “The Nutcracker” is riotous and entertaining but be forewarned, it’s pretty much capsuled all the blood-thirst into the two minutes.
Described as a “horror movie as directed by Terrence Malick,” the film is actually a slow-moving, hypnotizing and mesmerizing picture centering on a Viking warrior slave who escapes his captives with the aid of a young boy and boards a Viking vessel only to sail into the heart of darkness.
“Valhalla Rising” should hit theaters sometime in the Spring. [via ThePlaylist]
*puts finger over mouth* Shh-shh, don’t speak. You had me at “young boy gives a slave aids.”
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Werner-herzog-chicken-choke-150x150.jpg)
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BREAKING MOTHER FUCKIN’ NEWS: Shirtless Choke-Wrestling Association performing tonight at the Flint Colosseum!
so by them telling me there’s only a total of two minutes of violence in this they may as well said, “bah don’t see it, you’ll be able to watch a montage on youtube”
Two minutes of Viking Gore:
GRRRRR… RECYCLE MOTHERFUCKERS!
*Viking Gore watches a guy throw a burger wrapper out the window of his Hummer then drive off. He chases him down and stomps his face to death*
RRRAARRRRRRR!… CARBON FOOTPRINT!
Fin.
The Viking-American defamation league would totally protest the release of this if they weren’t all out pillaging the houses of everyone who reads Hagar the Horrible and raping their wives as a lesson.
When I first saw that banner pic I wondered aloud, “What pickle has Nick Nolte got himself into this time?”
I also ask that my Viking movies have busty, pigtailed wenches serving flagons of ale. Nice use of Tchaikovsky although nothing beats a Christmas Beavis & Butthead episode’s use of The Sugar Plum Fairy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M_XyEzNlIE (from 2:30)
I don’t know about you, but all that gory violence got MY valhalla rising ifyouknowwhatImean *wink wink*
*heads to corner*
Donk, FD needs a Viking Gore alter . . . NOW!!!!
Thank you Vince for saving me the the $14
It’s a good think I hit F5 keyHo, I almost just stepped on your valhalla.
*heads to pike*
So let me get this straight: you’ve got a psychotically violent clip set to the Nutcracker Suite without a nutshot? Frieberg and Seltzer are spinning in their graves
Stuart Scott approves of the lead character design. Spike Lee does not.
Swi, Viking Gore’s all yours if you want him. I’m at work still, so I don’t have access to the kind of photo editing tools that allow me to give that character an avatar worthy of his name.
Here ya go.
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/3/3e/Al_Gore_Viking.JPG
GRRAAAAAAGGHHHHH… THANK YOU FOR PRETTY PICTURE! SET YOUR LAPTOP POWER SETTINGS TO “ENERGY SAVER NOW!”
I don’t know about you all, but I’d let Viking Gore consensually rape me and pillage my village.
Viking Gore is my new spirit animal.
* also my spirit enema
the severed head of Nick Nolte?
sign me up.
Between this movie and the dragon-Moby Dick this has to be the most metal day in filmdrunk history.
No Mr. Gore…I expect you to die.
Does that guy ever get cast as a two eyed?
Or was his other eye the Gorey Hole?
“young boy gives a slave aids.”
That is really story of America, ain’t it?
Mmm.
/cockles warmed