As you may be aware, the 67th annual Golden Globe Awards took place last night. I was somewhat intoxicated, but I think my favorite moment was when Nate Kaeding won the award for sh*ttiest kicker. Anyway, before I get to my Awards coverage, I thought I’d give you my coverage coverage by counting down the 10 dumbest things Access Hollywood host Billy Bush said on the red carpet last night. I think it’s funny to put Billy 
Bush in quotes, because it makes it seem like the things he says are of consequence. It’s like putting a baseball mitt on a dog.
10. [to drunk Julia Roberts] “Let me see that iPhone again. I wanna see your kids!”
9. “Do you guys have a survival plan tonight? There are puddles everywhere.”
8. “Look at you, Bradley Cooper, covered with an umbrella!”
7. [to Taylor Lautner] “You are on fire, right, Tay Tay?” [technically, this one was Billy's co-host, Whatsherface, but I thought it warranted inclusion]
6. “Jesse! I got a snuggie for you!”
5. “And here’s Mickey Rourke with his date, and I know I can’t pronounce your name… Are you guys engaged? …So not quite an engagement, but… dating.”
4. “Standing right here with a hunk of a man, Gerard Butler.”
3. “Did Jennifer Aniston have a hard time keeping her hands off you while making the movie? You’re very handsome.”
2. “Jeff Bridges, you’re here for Crazy Heart – Crazy Heart, crazy night…”
1. “I’m here with Sir Paul McCartney — Paul, nominated for the film Everybody’s Fine, and… everybody was fine.”
What can I say, I love it when he plays word association games. My only regret is that I didn’t get to see him make a dumb crack about Michael C. Hall’s hat*.
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And yet George is the Bush everyone ripped to shreds.
Is this the one that did Billy Beer?
No? Oh, don’t care anyway.
Billy, “With me now is George Clooney with his date.”
George, “No, this is an umbrella”
Billy, “That makes sense, I’ve never seen a woman so wet before.”
I would like to stab him in the neck with a broken toothbrush.
Oh sorry. I don’t have anything funny to say.
It doesn’t have to be funny if it’s true and universal UZH.
Do I get bonus points for not knowing who the closeted tiger magician is?
Billy Bush is kind of like Ryan Seacrest, if prior to each interview Ryan Seacrest got hit a neurotoxin-filled dart and then a Miata.
I’m pretty sure that Billy Bush has to be constantly reminded that his show’s name isn’t spelled with an x.
UZH says:
I would like to stab him in the neck with a broken toothbrush.
Oh sorry. I don’t have anything funny to say.
Nate Kaeding will shank him for you.
Also, he said off-camera “I’m Clueless as to why Brittany Murphy isn’t here! Get it… Clueless?”
Honorable mention: “We’d like to welcome our friends tuning in from Haiti.”
Honorable mention: “We’d like to welcome our friends tuning in from Haiti”.
…and speaking of earthquakes, lumbering up to me now is Gabourey Sidibe. I kid, I kid, how the hell are you?”
Did Jennifer Aniston have a hard time keeping her hands off you while making the movie?
He’s talking to Gerry Butler, right? Why is he trying to give him horrible nightmares?
but I think my favorite moment was when Nate Kaeding won the award for sh*ttiest kicker
}}:>( DOn’t be too hard on poor ol’ Nate, when he was at Iowa, he ALWAYS hit the clutch for us. THE LACES WERE IN!!!
“And here’s James Cameron! Hey camera guy, do you think we could focus the ‘Cameron him’ more? Man I tell you…”
*James Cameron punches him in the face
“And here’s Werner Herzog!” So Werner…”
*Werner shoots him in the face
Oh that reminds me can someone send me links to some Allison Brie nude pics, okey thanks
When are we gonna’ talk about the fashion!?
…
Aaw, you mean we’re not gonna’ talk about it?
*visits People message boards, calls perfectly fine celebrities fat*
“And here’s Channing Tatum’s penis! So what happened to you, tanning accident?”
*Channing Tatum’s penis ejaculates onto Billy
Billy Bush thinks it would be wonderful if the relief agencies set up hundreds of HDTV stations around Haiti that show Glee 25 hours a day.
The number 1 dumbest thing said by Billy Bush last night.
“I’m Billy Bush.”
“And here’s San Diego Chargers kicker Nate Kaeding! So I’ve got to ask…how do you plan on kicking it tonight?”
*Kaeding kicks Bush in the bush
After finishing his interview with NPH, Billy quietly asks, “Dude, you’ve had a Golden Globe up your ass, right? Does it feel as awesome as I imagine it does?”.
“And here’s Vince Mancini from semi-popular movie blog Filmdrunk! So Vince, how do you feel about the tragic situtation in Haiti?”
Vince: “Dude, how did you get into my apartment?”
Billy Bush? I’d rather have Bigmouth Billy Bass host. Bobby McFerrin FTW!
Billy Bush to Drew Barrymore, “You sound like Daffy Duck. If I dress up like a girl bunny can we hang out? No? Well I’m going to do it anyway, you won’t be the only tranny on this red carpet kind sir!”
I’d have a lot more to say if this post were about belly bush, the condition in which I confuse a lady’s fat hairy gut fold for her vagina. At least I’ve never had to pay to support a gut baby.
Billy’s favorite word association:
“Billy Bush loves getting bullied in the bush”.
I think the whole pre-show was ridiculous. I’ve never seen something so slapped together last minute. Wait…they’ve known about this for months? Then i’m really disappointed.
As an additional note, not Billy Bush but the exchange between one of the girls and Samuel L Jackson was great. Then she grabs Robert Downey Jr. and then she says to Sam Jackson. “So in your movie together (refering to Iron Man 2), what’s it like being the villian?” The confusion on their faces was brilliant.