QuentinTarantino-HelenMirren(Quentin’s coke hallucinations often take the form of Oscar-winner Helen Mirren)

If I had to make love to a woman in her mid-60s, my top choice would definitely be Helen Mirren.  Yeah, definitely her or my friend Bret’s mom.  It’s a toss up, really.

The Academy Award-winner has been asked to play a foul-mouthed monarch in the Inglourious Basterds director’s upcoming medieval movie. The film is expected to contain “bloody violence” and will be set in England’s Middle Ages.  A source told The Sun: “It will feature his trademarks – bloody violence and foul language. Helen has never worked with Tarantino and is interested. If the film goes into production it’s likely she will play a part.” [DigitalSpy]

I think I speak for everyone when I say that Quentin Tarantino going medieval (literally!  Sort of!) sounds amazing on paper.  Of course, take this with a grain of salt, as The Sun’s anonymous sources are only slightly more accurate than that rogue CIA agent who sends coded messages about the government’s secret plans via skid marks in my underwear.  Yes, Special Agent Brown.  He’s had a busy week.