500-days-of-Spiderman-zooey deschanel naked, joseph gordon levitt
(With great power… Spider-Man ponders his responsibility to strangle hipsters.)

It’s only been three days since the Sam Raimi/Tobey Maguire Spider-Man franchise died, but Sony’s wasted no time digging up its corpse and trying to jerk it off.  Uh, metaphorically.  Deadline Hollywood Daily reports that 500 Days of Summer director Marc Webb is at the top of their list to direct the reboot.  You might say Spider-Man is caught in his Webb-ing!  *blows brains out*

While the studio has a wish list of star directors like James Cameron, David Fincher, and Wes Anderson, the emergence of Webb as director comes as a huge surprise. But [our sources say] Webb met about the Spidey reboot with the pic’s producers and executives looking to get the picture into production later this year for a Summer 2012 release. Why will the pic take so long? Because it’s likely to be shot in 3-D [of course it will.  "Do you think Spider-Man could have a blue tail?  Audiences really seem to respond to that."]. Sony Pictures plans to make an announcement about that “at the appropriate time”.

Webb would be an okay choice.  He definitely has a visual style, though I question his sanity for not chopping off the end of 500 Days of Summer (Spoiler Alert: Joseph Gordon-Levitt gets over his breakup with Summer by asking out a girl named… wait for it… Autumn.  Are. You. Kidding. Me.).  But hold on, let’s back up a second. Sony wanted… Wes. Anderson.  For Spider-Man.  Oh my gosh, he’s swinging through the city in slow motion set to a Rolling Stones song!  Here come the titles in big yellow text!  …Man, if you can think of an idea dumber than that, sell it to Fox.