HollywoodLife reports that Lindsay Lohan will go topless for her role in Robert Rodriguez’ Machete opposite Danny Trejo, who probably almost stabbed me at Sundance. She’ll be in a skinny-dipping scene opposite her onscreen mom, which I’d originally, mistakenly read as her real mom, hence the photoshop and headline. I regret nothing.
HollywoodLife.com got a hold of the original Machete script, and as of now, Lindsay – who has about 10 minutes of screen time as gun-toting socialite April Benz – is slated to get wet and naked while swimming in a waterfall with Alicia Rachel Marek, 34, [the chick on the right in the picture above before I photoshopped it (NSFW)] who plays her mother, June. [via WWTDD]
It’s sad that Lindsay’s only 23 and still a good two years removed from a time when I would’ve cared about seeing her topless. It seems like every Hollywood actress spends the first 10 years of her career turning down nude scenes only to beg for them after she’s past her prime and desperate for attention. So let this be a lesson to you, young actresses: show off the goods while the nectar’s still sweet. This is how you’re going to be remembered. It’s a message I try to drill into middle schoolers every day.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/do-not-enter-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/scary-movie-5-has-a-depressing-new-trailer-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/machete-kills-poster-sofia-vergara-with-boob-guns-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/James-Deen-Lindsay-Lohan-canyons-150x150.jpg)
What else do you try to drill into middle schoolers?
/ Chris Hansen
You should have used her head from ‘The Parent Trap’.
What?
Fact: The hot tub is actually filled with Danny’s sweat.
So let this be a lesson to you, young actresses: show off the goods while the nectar’s still sweet.
I’m looking at you, Dakota.
And by “drill into middle schoolers,” he means; writes “Show the goods!! LOL!” on a post-it a punches it up their ass with his…[conscience kicks in, shamed into halting comment]
Where the fuck did that come from?
This is a fairly low budget movie, they wouldn’t be able to afford enough coke on set for both Lindsay and her mom.
It’s sad that Lindsay’s only 23 and still a good
twosix years removed from a time when I would’ve cared about seeing her topless.Fixed!
Oh fuck, Chris Hanson is here?
Michelle Rodriguez is Danny’s stand-in for this scene. It’s a part she really, really wanted.
Burnsy, hasn’t doing that gotten you in enough trouble already?
If I went to prison I’d rather Danny Trejo was my cellmate than Michelle Rodriguez. She seems like a scary man.
One more skank and Danny gets his tres hos.
So let this be a lesson to you, young actresses: show off the goods while the nectar’s still sweet.
Allow me to amend this golden rule with the following:
“Once you’ve done that, for chrissakes don’t run off and marry a midget who makes you sire L. Ron Hubbard’s demon spawn.”
So let this be a lesson to you, young actresses: show off the goods while the nectar’s still sweet.
I dunno bout you guys but I think Vinnie’s got his eye on Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez? Wizards of Waverly Place?
Alright then! Fuck alla you wiffout kids! Actin like I’m the weird one.
Full frontal! I wanna see her machette wound!
Fact: Hot tub is heated with Lohan’s crotch. If you get close, you can hear the shellfish screaming.
What the fuck? They are going tho have to hire Edward James Olmos to now to dwarf Trejo’s and Freckletit’s mutual complexion.
Olmos is probably throwing on the Q Lazerus and tucking right now while trying to get in that shot.
EJO: How dooo eye reeeech deez teeeets?!