Paramount is making G.I. Joe 2, and it looks like the Zombieland writers have picked up another scripting gig. They’re apparently writing every movie this year, like the screenwriting equivalent of Sam Worthington. A couple days ago, Collider confirmed that Paramount would be making the sequel, today an IESB source says Zombieland writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick have been hired. Stephen Sommers hasn’t yet signed on to return as director.
I never saw G.I. Joe, and though plenty of people claim it wasn’t as bad as it looked, this clip was more than enough reason for me to avoid it. The writing doesn’t seem so hard though. Let’s take a crack:
CHANNING TATUM: (*unintelligible mumbling*) Ermf. Hey, girl.
MARLON WAYANS steps on a rake. *Splat sound effect*
CHANNING TATUM: Ho snap!
CHANNING TATUM and RACHEL NICHOLS laugh as they watch MARLON WAYANS stumble around trying to uncross his eyes.
RACHEL NICHOLS: Enough fooling around, boys. I need to go for a jog. I’m a scientist. *pours water in her hair, takes off her shirt*
[10-minute montage of RACHEL NICHOLS' boobs bouncing in a sports bra, set to the latest Linkin Park single]
MARLON WAYANS: (slobbering like a dog) Yo, girl, when you gonna let me get witchoo?
RACHEL NICHOLS: I don’t believe in love. I’m a scientist. *flips her hair, sucks on lollipop*
MARLON WAYANS: Yo, that is wack! *gets hit in the crotch by an eagle*
CHANNING TATUM: (*unintelligible mumbling*) Ermf. Hey, girl.
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Rachel Nichols is hot as fuck.
Well, at least with better writing, Dennis Quaid might not speak in the passive voice so much.
I didnt see it either, transformers molested my childhood memories enough
anyway… this looks like it was better made (and true-er to the G.I. Joe characters)
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/076041c13b/the-ballad-of-g-i-joe
i liked the gi joe movie, i thought it was fun
my only complaint is that it could’ve used more brendan frasier
I hope there’s more *pew pew pew* in the sequel.
Yo girl, Channing doesn’t need to wear camouflage to make his dick disappear.
Needs more Eccelston looking like he doesn’t know what the fuck is going on and wondering how quickly he can fire his agent.
Yo girl, sequel cash means bigger titties for you. I’m talking, like, triple-5.
If knowing is half the battle, what’s the other half? Doing something anyway, even if you know it’s fucking stupid?
Rhett Reece must have super powers beyond writing unintelligible dialogue. His momma wouldn’t have named him so otherwise.
For those of you who haven’t seen the movie. Here’s my official synopsis:
First, it’s all like “wha?”, but then it gets all “POW BANG, DUDE!”, then it goes back to being a bit “uhhh” before “schproing a-ding-a-ling”. After that it’s all “Whoa” and “POW!”. It ends on a “WHEEDLY-WEE!”
GI JOE 2- High Tech Pile of Poo
Geez, Donk. Couldn’t you at least say ‘spoiler alert’ before telling the whole movie?
G.I. Joe 2 is gonna be about the F our L’s money
Sorry, Chino. At least I didn’t tell you about the “uhhh uhhhnnn BOOM!” part.
Shit.
Nubbin up.
I paid for Inglorious Basterds and then went to see GI Joe (had seen Basterds the day before). Every bit as awful as you imagine.
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