FOX WANTS TO F–K WITH WRONG MEXICAN
01.26.10
Undisputedly, Danny Trejo is pretty cool. Now stick a giant fu–ing knife in his hand and watch that coolness grow exponentially by 8%. It’s simple mathematics, dipsh-t. An equation so elementary that it seems even a few Fox executives could figure it out.
After screening 15 to 30 minutes worth of Machete, Robert Rodriguez’s upcoming Grindhouse homage, six major studios began vying for its distribution rights. Eventually, once the sexual tension and pheromones had dissipated from the room, a Fox accountant announced victory as she poured a Foldger’s can full of change across the table.
Fox reminded everyone that it was already very much in the Robert Rodriguez business making Predators, and Tom Rothman really wanted him to have a home there, and Rodriguez and Rothman get along well, so a deal was clinched. [NikkiFinke]
Sh-t son, I thought Danny Trejo negotiated his own distribution rights? I’ve always liked to picture him sitting quietly in a boardroom, snacking on half a tire like a watermelon, as some suit explains a pie chart:
Fox Executive: “So, if the total gross of Machete can earn back…um…Mr. Trejo, are you eating a tire?”
Danny Trejo: “Si.”
Fox Executive: “No way.”
Danny Tejo: “Si way, holmes. Si way…”
*takes another bite from tire*
Say what you will about Grindhouse, but that movie was fun as hell to catch in theaters. I’ll take it to my grave defending that Planet Terror was amazingly executed with deliberate sloppiness. Whether you love him or hate him, you have to give Rodriguez credit for smoking up a concept so outrageous that it might actually work.
Machete Trailer: NSFW due to four boobs at the 1:59 mark. Unless of course you work in a factory that manufactures boobs in sets of four, in which case this trailer is for you.
note: the youtube player is in pink, because that’s what Danny Trejo gets from the ladies.
-chodin

I just ejaculated salsa.
Danny Trejo says it’s either his way, or no guey.
Danny Trejo prefers a 4some with tres hoes.
The minigun motorcycle is officially the only way to beat the Predator motorcycle in a race.
I’ll wait for Hustler’s “This isn’t Machete, this is Machete XXX”
The youtube player is pink, because that’s how Danny Trejo likes his tacos.
I work with Trejo’s wife and kids selling chiclets and oranges… so I’m guessing the trailer is cool for me too?
You think he’s good with a machete, you should see this guy with a set of hedge clippers…
Danny Trejo’s skin is made out of Edward James Olmos’ skeleton.
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get rolled up like a burrito.
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get layed flat like a tortilla.
Fuck with the worng Mexican and get folded like a taco.
I heard Danny just signed a deal to be the new face of Noxzema…
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get shat out like Taco Bell
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get clipped like your hedges.
If Danny Trejo were a pinata, he’d be filled with naked pictures of your mom, punto.
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get whacked like your weeds.
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get thrown in the trunk like an immigrant.
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and your blood with get spilled like the beans.
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get herpes.
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get bagged like oranges.
If you drink Danny Trejo’s water you’ll get diarrhea
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get wiped out like a windshield at a stop=light.
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get trampled on by 30 of them like a dance floor at a Quinceañera.
Funny how you all think Danny Trejo is so hard… I heard he was in a cooking class with JCVD.
“Hey JC how’s my apple scone mank?”
“like a little piece of heaven Danny…mmmmm”
Fuck with the wrong Mexican and get your SSN stolen.
George Lopez checks for Danny Trejo below his bed every night before going to sleep
Danny Trejo breaks piñatas by scowling at them
If the new thing is to name a movie based on what the star is most likely to be holding, I can’t wait for Cam Gigandet in ‘Dick’.
or Meagan Fox in “My Cock”
Danny Trejo wearing leather just seems like nudity to me.
or Channing Tatum in ‘Dick II – Bigger, Blacker & Uncut’
@ theend81
And burnt, yo!
or Michael J. Fox in “Nothing.”
or Michael J. Fox in “Nothing.”
That is so wrong… he can hold lots of things
… just not for very long
I always think of JHC’s historic comment when j fox comes up… J Fox holding a vibrator; Who’s holding who?
If the new thing is to name a movie based on what the star is most likely to be holding, I can’t wait for Cam Gigandet in ‘Dick’.
or Gabourey Sidibe in “Ham.”