CRAZY UNCLE MEL IS DOING VIKINGS
01.19.10Here’s Ricky Gervais’ beautiful introduction of Mel Gibson at the Golden Globes:
It’s pushing 15 years since Mel Gibson made a good movie, but the guy’s always a good sport and his idea for a gritty, realistic viking movie from the writer of The Departed sounds pretty good. Leonardo Dicaprio is attached, and of course Mel will shoot it in the original language, as soon as he figures out what that was. From Collider:
Gibson: I think it’s going to be English – the English that would have been spoken back then – and Old Norse. Whatever the 9th century had to offer. I’m going to give you real.
Collider: Is that really important to you.
Gibson: I want a Viking to scare you. I don’t want a Viking to say, “I’m going to die with a sword in my hand.” I don’t want to hear that. It pulls the rug out from under you. I want to see somebody who I have never seen before speaking low guttural German who scares the living sh-t out of me coming up to my house. What is that like? What would that have been like?
For Mel, I bet it’s kind of like when a guy shakes your hand and says, “Hi, I’m Avi Greenberg.”

Mel assumes all Jews are vikings. He thinks their horns are a dead giveaway.
Erste Jive Dude: shiiiiit, maaaaan. Das Honky muf ‘werden Messin’ mah alte Dame … got to be runnin ‘kalten Kopf Kopf, weißt du?
Zweite Jive Dude: Hey home ‘, kann ich dig it. Know Ain’t Gonna no mo ‘big rap lag bis auf dich, Mann!
Erste Jive Dude: Ich sage, hey, Himmel … subba ich sagen wan ‘zu sehen …
Zweite Jive Dude: Uh-huh.
Erste Jive Dude: … beten JI hat der Same Ol ‘Same Ol’!
Zweite Jive Dude: Hey … Knock ein selbst ein Profi, Slick! Das graue Substanz backlot führen uns hin, ich nehmen TCB-in ‘, Mann!
Erste Jive Dude: Hey, du weißt, was sie sagen: Siehe, um eine breite dat Beute yak ‘em bekommen …
Jive First Dude, Second Jive Dude: … leg ‘er sich einen Schlag’ em yak ‘em!
Erste Jive Dude: COL ‘got to be! Weißt du? Shiiiiit.
I’m willing to bet Mel is anything but scared by a German accent.
No matter how many “authentic language” movies he does, Mel will never be able to atone for his ball-achingly bad “Scottish” accent in Braveheart
So this will be three more hours of guys in beards and funny hats speaking a strange gutteral language while beating the everloving shit out of skinny white people? Someone tell Jim Caviezel to stock up on the bactine.
GUTTURAL GERMAN > NASAL YIDDISH. IT’S A FACT, PEOPLE!
Fuck off Mel! I’m tired of hearing about Brett Doghumping Favre!
Apocalypto was a very good quality movie from 2006, so I dont know where the 15 years came from.
Mel Gibson said he’s even open to letting the Weinstein Company distribute the film.
If they apologize for torturing Jesus first
I want to see somebody who I have never seen before speaking low guttural German who scares the living sh-t out of me coming up to my house.
Roman Polanski says he’ll be over as soon as he takes care of some stuff.
I think we’re losing sight of the real comedy gold here: Leo DiCaprio attempting to speak old Norse
Hallo, zucker bruste was ist los…
Bah, seriously Wells Tower’s Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned. Seriously.
Careful, Mel. Clint Eastwood gave us a movie full of the way old people naturally talk and he got called a racist for doing it.
I want to see somebody who I have never seen before speaking low guttural German who scares the living sh-t out of me coming up to my house. What is that like? What would that have been like?
Hey Mel, there’s this movie called Schindler’s List that could give you a pretty good idea
Mel denies that Schindler’s List ever happened
I used to know a little German. Klaus had some tiny Lederhosen.
Fuck you, I was already headed to the corner.
I predict there’ll be a bad guy who curses everyone.
It’s a Mel addiction.
I know a little german.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0lJyDCLYTE
Do I get bonus points or demerits for skinny Kilmer?
Mel Gibbon throws poop at this.
i loved apocalypto that movie kicked serious ass, and the ending was perfect
SUGARTITS!!
That’s all I got.
lis45, if you’re going to link me to a clip of ‘Top Secret’, then it had better be the one where a man gets raped by a bull.
As you wish. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gU5YlcF3kv0
Majestyk Møøse or GTFO!
How do you say sugartits in ole Norse?
NOW we’re getting somewhere.
BTK, Mel Gibson hates that movie. The reasons are quite obvious.
YA! I liked Apocalypto!
ZUCKER BRUSTE ! But it’s not porn if you can’t see the umlauts.
There’s a German Twilight porn starring Taylor Umlautner.
Mel knows you gotta crack some eggs to make an umlaut.
Mel’s on a diet. Now it’s all about the saccharintits.
Don’t get your umlaut anywhere near your niece. She can’t keep a secret.
Actually, the new thing is Splendatits. See Hendricks, Christina
The most popular Starbuck’s coffee in Denmark is the umlautte.
Actually ricMay, the new thing is Titsvia! See also Katie Perry.
In unrelated news, Chinese TV is weird.
I want to see someone I know speaking German, wearing a tan uniform, ordering me to strip..
Wait, where am I?
Huh, I guess it would be exactly like Pathfinder. Only not as long or boringly irrelevant…
oh wait.
And the Nazi shows up. Classic Nazi.
“Whatever the 9th century had to offer. I’m going to give you real.”
syphilis?
I did a Viking once. He burned my bush and pillaged my purse : (