keanureeves-jekyllhyde

According to an Ontario woman whose claim was recently thrown out of court, Keanu Reeves is a shapeshifter who disguised himself as her husband, fathered her children, and then used his space powers to alter the DNA test results.  …Whoa.

Karen Sala had alleged that Reeves was the father of her four adult children and was seeking $3 million a month in spousal support and $150,000 a month in retroactive child support.

A DNA test showed Reeves was not the father of Sala’s adult children, who are between 21 and 25 years old. In her affidavit, Sala suggested Reeves uses hypnosis and disguises himself as different people, including her now ex-husband, who is the real father, as is stated in documents in their divorce proceedings.

While Sala said she has no money and is on the verge of losing her home, Judge Graham ordered her to pay $15,000 to Reeves for costs incurred. He said celebrities such as Reeves are vulnerable to “spurious” lawsuits and a message must be sent. Reeves’ lawyer suggested Reeves may not seek to enforce the cost order, even though he is still on the hook for $85,000 in legal bills.

Graham noted Reeves offered to not seek costs if Sala dropped her suit after the DNA results came back showing he was not the father. But Sala questioned the validity of the test, raising the possibility of tampering or that Reeves used hypnosis to affect the results.

“I do know for a fact that he is the biological father,” Sala, who represented herself, told the judge, adding that she had proof but could not show it to the court.

She said she had known Reeves since she was four or five, as Reeves grew up down the street from her. She didn’t connect him to the actor until much later, because she always knew him by several different names, she said.

“I didn’t know he was Keanu Reeves,” Sala said. “To me he was Marty Spencer.”

She also claims Reeves phoned the Barrie food bank and told them not to give her any food, and that she has recently been trying to get a job but that Reeves follows her around and “interferes.” [News.Ca.Msn]

Man, isn’t mental illness hilarious?  It’s like my grandma with Alzheimer’s.  She’s always asking “Where’s my shoes?  Who has my shoes?” and it’s funny because we sold her shoes months ago.

Related: Keanu Reeves’ Reddit account.

[Thanks to Dave at /Film for the tip]