COMMENTS OF THE WEEK
01.11.10This was an extended week of commenting (I included the half week before New Year’s in this one) and not surprisingly there was an extended amount of cleverness. As always, the way this works is, you nominate for next week’s CotW by pasting a funny comment in the comments section of this post below. If you need help finding it, just bookmark it and/or consult the Comments of the Week link in the sidebar. Aaaaanyway, first funny comment:
[from Clint Howard tattoo] Chino Moreno says: I have a Terrence Howard tattoo. I have to clean it constantly with baby wipes or it gets all irritated.
Now that’s an obscure reference. But Terrence Howard is right, you know, baby wipes rock. And I don’t care if they’re not made from recycled paper. I like to be green, but so help me I will wipe my ass with spotted owl clits if it means not having to walk around with an itchy butt hole all day. …Moving right along…
We had a nice peanut gallery thing going on in the She’s Out of His League trailer post:
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: Last year, I was trying to bang a girl who was out of my league. She was still playing tee ball.
Jacktion! says: The last chick I tried to bang was in a league of her own. Rosie O’Donnell.
UpstateUnderdog says: Jay Baruchel is the poor mans Jason Biggs.
Chareth Cutestory says: Jay Baruchel is what you get when you cross Justin Long with hemophilia.
From Tim Allen is a Tree:
Donkey Hodey says: Douglas Furr’s stoner neighbor is named Matthew Mahogany.
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: With all the deep-rooted Daddy issues, this would be the perfect movie to take a stripper on a date to see.
From a Chimp Suckles Bo Derek’s Breast, Gives Vince a Boner:
Chino Moreno says: He was too scared to try to get to third base. What a ‘panzee.
ChinoMoreno says: I like the video where the chimp gets to third base, smells his finger and falls out of his tree. [Editor's Note: It's official, Chino is brilliant.]
From Anthony Le Shows Off His Home-Made War Machine Costume, Pulls Mad Bitches:
Pauly Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: Now THAT’S a chink in the armor. [Maybe not as brilliant as Chino's, but talk about hitting a hanging curve out of the park.]
ZeroCharisma says: Lateral thrusters are for drifting.
Not sure what the hell this had to do with anything, but I liked it.
Wayne Jetski says: I have stink lines stitched into all my boxers.
In Captain America Shoots in June, I made both a Brett Ratner joke and a jäger bombs joke. Leave it to Pauly manages to nail both of them in his follow-up.
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: I’m the Jägrnaut , bitch!
And finally, though there was some true excellence in commenting this week, especially from Pauly and Chino, I had to go with Mexico’s number one FilmDrunkard (or FilmDrunk’s number one Mexican) Watanabex for the win. From James Cameron says Avatar was about Video Games:
Watanabex says: When I let my cousins use my Social Security Number to work in the US I call them my avatars.
Genius.


Nice work, perverts.
If I squint a little bit, Christmas Cat looks like Geisha Cat!
*closes office door, diverts phone, draws blinds*
i don’t trust that you dont want to put your fingers in Chino Moreno like i did back when he sang “change (in the house of flies)” all those months before the towers fell.
My brains dont know how to handle this preferential treatment! my rape is dirtier than his/hers. But my Dell doesnt understand Firefox or Safari like your average reatrd pc.
Does anyone understand how much i hate black people? no!
ps. that cat is so adorable i killed my grandma with a kitana that i bought at a florida flea market.
Vince,
I hate to point this out ’cause it’s Donk’s only mention this week, but it was Craptastic who said “Douglas Furr’s stoner neighbor is named Matthew Mahogany”. Donk just nom’d it.
But what do I know, I’m not as brilliant as Chino!
*pulls blanket over him furiously, turns over on his side in bed, giving Vince his back, cold shoulder, and silent treatment*
The Spotted Owl Clits sounds like a hipster’s second folk-rock endeavor.
Crappy and I are each other’s avatars. What I mean by that is that we take turns fisting and calling each other “puppet”.
Hi, Here’s how to get yourself a free PS3, iPod, wii or even cash!. Just go to – urfreegifts.com It’s FREE and has been researched by the BBC to be absolutely genuine. Simply go to the site and select the gift you would like or cash if you prefer. For full info and proof its real just go to urfreegifts.com
Thanks, alienjo. I appreciate your honesty.
alienjo, do you know a site where I can meet 18 year old women in northern NJ who think I’m cute?
Northern State Prison?
Try cruising the local Wal-Mart, I almost always find a date there – especially when I dress up in my best Wranglers.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/a-hot-girl-is-in-a-superhero-movie
Chareth Cutestory
“Nurse, we’re gonna need to get these to the Lab.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/a-hot-girl-is-in-a-superhero-movie
Donkey Hodey says:
Haha, I love you Patches Adams.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/a-hot-girl-is-in-a-superhero-movie
Chareth Cutestory
To get into see Doggy Houser, MD, you’re gonna need a refurral.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/stu-townshend-leaves-thor-in-another-brilliant-career-move?cp=1
What the fuck is wrong with you people? I can’t believe this got overlooked. You all owe Burnsy an apology:
Queen of the Damned was so bad that Aaliyah hasn’t made another movie since.
Second Burnsy. Not sure how I missed it the first time.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/read-this-now-avatars-deleted-sex-scene#comments
Jacktion! says:
I want to punch that goggle wearing asshole right in his shriveled, unused genitals.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/read-this-now-avatars-deleted-sex-scene#comments
ChinoMoreno says:
So, after he got some tail, did Jake’s balls go back to their regular color?
Also
I want to see the scene where she goes tail to mouth.
And
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
I just blue my load.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/read-this-now-avatars-deleted-sex-scene#comments
Stone Soup says:
Somewhat paraphrased captures from a conversation overheard at a 3 year old’s birthday party last week. Two women speaking to each other:
W1: “I saw Avatar last night – it was amazing.”
W2: “I’ve been seeing the commercials for it, it looks interesting. What are the blue people?”
W1: “They’re Avatars from planet Avatar.”
W2: “Oh.”
W1: “Yeah, it was pretty interesting and weird, like all of his movies.”
W2: “Who?”
W1: “Tim Robbins, you know, all his stuff is so out there.”
W2: “Tim Robbins?”
W1: “Yeah, I thought it was the Tim Robbins who’s married to Susan Sarandon, but there’s another Tim Robbins, the director – he made Nightmare at Christmas – this is just like that.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/read-this-now-avatars-deleted-sex-scene
ChinoMoreno says:
NEYTIRI
I am with you now, Jake. We are mated for life.
JAKE
We are?
Man, I hope a black cat crosses our path.
NEYTIRI
Wouldn’t that be bad luck?
JAKE
In this case, maybe not.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/read-this-now-avatars-deleted-sex-scene
Morton Salt says:
Assuming Na’vi men have dicks, what happens when you touch your dick to your queue? I bet you cum. Hard.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/court-rules-keanu-reeves-not-a-shapeshifting-philanderer
From Pauly Dangerously
Keanu maintains that Karen’s claims are “Booogus!”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/daily-circle-j-snow-dog-edition
ZeroCharisma might need an av but he brought a sack of oranges for the rest of us with:
“Jesus… even their dogs have hydraulics.”
Second ZeroCharisma.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/cary-elwes-hopes-the-yellow-submarine-serves-gravy
Nice call-back.
Burnsy says:
Stuart Townsend dropped out of this for a role in The Monkees.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/cary-elwes-hopes-the-yellow-submarine-serves-gravy
Stinky Peet says:
Everyone panicked when a small Asian woman stormed the set yelling, “Number 9! Number 9!” until they realized it was just Cary Elwes’ mid-morning take-out delivery.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/neat-stuff-the-interactive-netflix-map
Burnsy: The areas that prefer Nic Cage movies are printed on the back of the Magna Carta.
GOD DAMN IT VINKY I HATE YOU TOO!!!
Second on Burnsy’s Townsend-Monkees remark.
and
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/amanda-seyfried-naked-lesbian-upskirt-google1one#comments
Jacktion! says:
Groping Amanda Seyfried is like catching a rabbit.
If you stay straight ahead of her, she’ll never see you coming.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/amanda-seyfried-naked-lesbian-upskirt-google1one
Donk says what we all were thinking:
SPOILER ALERT: As revenge for playing such a cruel game with him, Liam Neeson takes his wife skiing.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/channing-tatum-burned-his-penis-son
Burnsy again: Yo girl, put some more of that aloe shit in your mouth while you’re blowing me.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/channing-tatum-burned-his-penis-son
spazmodic
“Channing Tatum’s penis is TOAST! -Dr Peter Venkman”
Same post.
Shop 101 goes in a different direction:
I could make that ugly thing talk — Guillermo Del Toro
Same post.
Morton Salt:
SJP: Neeeiiiiigh!
*stomps hoof four times*
Matthew Broderick: I agree, it is gross.
*Feeds her a carrot, sticks one up his own ass.*
This made me laugh for a good ten seconds.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/starring-galifianakis-paul-rudd-and-my-boner
Chareth Cutestory says: Channing Tatum’s writer is actually just Kimbo Slice punching a speak-n-spell.
Second Chareth’s Slice/Tatum post. Sometimes simple really is better.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/starring-galifianakis-paul-rudd-and-my-boner#comments
Second Cutestory’s speak n spell.
Also, same post:
Donkey Hodey:
God himself writes for Gary Busey. That’s why Gary Busey works in mysterious ways.
Morton Salt:
Brittany Murphy’s life story must’ve been written by James Cameron because her kitty’s turned blue.
or third. whatever-the-fuck.
Fourth Chareth Cutestory.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/tom-hanks-will-write-direct-star-autoerotic-asphyxiate
ChinoMoreno says:
I think it’s nice that Andy Garcia’s twin is hanging out with Tom Hanks now.
Ninth Chareth Cutestory (if that is your real name.)
And
Chino in http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/tom-hanks-will-write-direct-star-autoerotic-asphyxiate
This earned a good look at the banner pic:
“I think it’s nice that Andy Garcia’s twin is hanging out with Tom Hanks now.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/nolan-says-inception-bigger-than-dark-knight?cp=1
Yeah, it’s a FD inside running joke and that’s why I like Zog
Durst:Zog eat Polly Llama once. Taste like spotted owl, more ‘WHY!?!?’ than ‘WHO?’.
*sigh*
Second Zog
also
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/ivan-reitman-says-hes-directing-ghostbusters-3#comments
Fek (hee hee)
Clint Eastwood directs “Spookbusters” or GTFO.
Just can’t shake Morton’s
Channing Tatum’s penis is gross. And a dirty Dutch immigrant. -H.P. Lovecraft
or Pauly’s
Is the Vulture’s only weakness getting hit by a beer can?, from
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/malkovich-confirmed-as-spider-man-villain
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/hurrrr-four-brothers-has-a-sequel#comments
Burnsy:
If the mother’s dead, how can I say hello to her?
Second Burnsy’s mother. Uhh, that sounded weird.
BTK, I miss the hell out of you guys. I just have no free time anymore with my new job. Wish I could contribute more.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/australian-family-groups-protest-kick-ass#comments
Chareth Cutestory says:
Turns out that penal colony…[puts on sunglasses]…is actually filled with pussies. YEEEAAAHHHHHH.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/australian-family-groups-protest-kick-ass
Morton Salt says:
A dingo ate my cunt.
ChinoMoreno says:
That’s not a cunt, THAT’s a cunt!
ChinoMoreno says:
I’ve got your vegemite sandwich right here
*points to cunt*
ChinoMoreno says:
My favorite Australian band is Silvercunt.
ChinoMoreno says:
My favorite Australian actress is Nicole Cuntman.
Chareth Cutestory is bringing it this week. From http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/cnn-is-tardy-to-the-avatard-party
“Hm. Wow. Straight talk from Mike in Missouri.”
“In other news, Haiti is gone. Really makes you think.”
[Shamwow commercial]
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/cnn-is-tardy-to-the-avatard-party#comments
Chareth only posts the actual transcript, but it’s funnier when he/she/it puts it down:
“Hm. Wow. Straight talk from Mike in Missouri.”
“In other news, Haiti is gone. Really makes you think.”
[Shamwow commercial]
I’ll 3rd Chareth. DAMN!!! That was awesome.
I don’t know who’s alter Avatarded is, but this made my colleagues give me “that look”:
“AHA moment? George Clooney turns into a cartoon and sings “Take On Me”?”
Donkey Hodey got me to LOL on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/james-bond-cowboy-alien-fighter with this one:
There’s your fucking answer, Paula Cole. Now shave your goddamn armpits.
Second Donk. I’m a sucker for Paula Cole references.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/james-bond-cowboy-alien-fighter
HA!
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Daniel Craig “scalps” by pulling back foreskins.
I can’t believe I missed out on the “Australians are all uptight cunts” post. I’ve a good mind to report you all to the authorities and go out and form a protest group.
But a dingo ate my shoes in July :(
Anyhoo, Zog:
“Zog baby eat dingo”.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/review-youth-in-revolt?cp=1
Pauly Dangerously show the attention to detail that all rich white folk look for in a gardener:
That street behind Michael Cera is just like his career:
One way with no right turns.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/a-team-movie-releases-pictures-of-handsome-dudes#comments
Crapbasket:
Biel makes it more of the T&A-Team. Chuh chuh
malkovich malkovich
Are-we-friends-Jack says:
Banner pic:
Now I know 2 things
1) Why he was called Cyrus the Virus
2) how he killed over a dozen men
stuart townshend
B.K. says:
Townshend will go down in history as being that one guy who was always replaced by someone better.
And then he’ll go down on Charlize Theron just to make the rest of you cry.
avatar tentacle rape party
Morton Salt says:
The marines would’ve defeated the Na’vi if only they had used spray bottles full of tap water . . .
-AND-
Patty Boots says:
The preferred Na’avi mating grounds are right outside your bedroom window at 4:00 AM.
so jealous of Chino right now
ChinoMoreno says:
Some navy guys once ran a train in my living room. Lots of seamen . . .
-AND-
John Wayne in a Devo Hat says:
You had me at “Youth Revolt isn’t a movie”. Now I don’t have to ever see it, therefore passing the savings on to me, the consumer.
pants on the ground
Chareth Cutestory says:
“Haha. Black people. Doesn’t that beat all? Honey, get the dog.”
-AND-
Moose says:
That’s the best Channing Tatum impression I’ve ever seen.
Iceman’s pregnant?!
Stinky Peet says:
You know Hollywood is out of ideas when even Young People Fucking gets a sequel.
Any post that says “sobs into keffiyeh” deserves a nom imo. From SNL
Chareth Cutestory says:
Anyone else think it was weird that they chose the Ting Tings as the musical guest? The band who was last seen in an iPod commercial in 2008? When Vampire Weekend and Spoon both have new albums out?
*sobs into keffiyeh*