I brought you the Avatar-fanatics-are-depressed story last week, only to see the mainstream news people jump all over it this week. Next thing you know, they’re all going to be wearing dog-fur-covered sweatpants, those style biters. But I’m not mad, because it turns out their crappy coverage (“Joining me here in the studio is Cheryl Sugartits, an expert at reading a computer…”) is just as ripe for ridicule as the Avatards themselves. Some of the highlights:
HOST MIKE GALANOS: “Is the 3D effect make it that much greater? Make it that much more enticing and appealing?”
“EXPERT”: “Absolutely. I think you put on these glasses, and James Cameron’s CGI effects are so good, that you’re actually transported onto the planet Pandora. [Ed. note: not actually] And when people take off the glasses, there’s a disconnect, and that’s what’s making people more depressed.” [...] “A lot of these people are lonely to begin with.”
CALLER: “All I gotta say is, as a society, it comes down to where, if you see a movie, and after it’s over it’s gonna make you depressed or suicidal? You need to re-evaluate what’s important in life to you.”
HOST: “Hm. Wow. Straight talk from Mike in Missouri.”
Hm. Yes. Wow. Powerful stuff. And just when you thought the powerful straight talk couldn’t get powerfuller, POW! It’s an info graphic full of irrelevant factlets, rendered in glorious misspellovision.
Ahh, they visited “rain forrests” for “reseach,” did they? Tell us, HLN, did the Forrests speak of sideways rain? Little bitty sting-ing rain? Big ol’ fat rain? I eagerly await your response. And please, deliver it in the form of a hologram.
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He wasn’t ‘actually’ transported onto the planet Pandora. He meant to say that he was ‘literally’ transported onto the planet Pandora. DUH!
Wow, did you literally durst with that??
Are we alone?
(throws pillow at Chino)
“Tardy to the Avatard Party” is quite a mouthful. Just like Vance. At least that’s what I heard*
*didn’t hear anything
Goddamnit, I can’t do this all by myself, people.
“Hm. Wow. Straight talk from Mike in Missouri.”
“In other news, Haiti is gone. Really makes you think.”
[Shamwow commercial]
As long as we’re pointing out mistakes, Galanos is on HLN not CNN… same company, different channels.
Goodbye cruel, non-IMAX 3-D world!
Meanwhile on FOX, Sarah Palin said she would not abort an Avatar obsessed fetus.
I like to think Pandora is located somewhere within Wolf Blitzer’s beard. Lends realism to the thing.
Is it too late to get M Night Shamwowalan to remake The Happening in 3-D?
[Falls out of closet, pants down, tater mit on hand]
…Uh…OOOhhh… I found your keys!
That would be suicide, Peet.
And when people take off the glasses, there’s a disconnect, and that’s what’s making people more depressed.
Yes, not removing the glasses is the key to avoiding Avatard depression.
My hate for 99.314159265358979323846264338327950288% of humanity +3.14159265358979323846264338327950288.
“The fuck?” – Edward R. Murrow
They made Smoking Aces 2?
I showed up late to the Avatard party and had to stand at the end of a long queue for cake.
Wolf Blitzer is actually an avatar controlled by an enterprising gopher.
Correction: Dances With Wolves was conceived 20 years ago.
James Cameron conceived the idea for Avatar by sticking his dick into a VHS copy of Pocahontas
It’ll only be a matter of time before a cat alien from an actual Pandora shows up to tell these people to shut the fuck up.
I once saw a vid of a guy sticking a screwdriver up his dickhole, and one of Avatards. I think these two topics are related.
I heard you can get really drunk doing that.
The Japanese are besides themselves on account of all the tenticle braid rape.
Grrrrr… Everclear enemas!!!!
Everclear enemas make you get shitfaced.
I think Avatards should tie their queue in a knot and go fuck themselves.
so… like… those girls that suck on their hair in like high school… yeah um, that’s kind of hot
[rikijo.blogspot.com]
The occultic meaning of the word “Avatar” is really Lucifer/Satan. -That alone should have raised eyebrows, but it didn’t lol
-Think about that for a minute..what would happen if James Cameron just named the film -SATAN- …would people then want to consider the real meaning behind the film?
The entire Movie/Entertainment industry is a well financed satanic psychological war operation being executed upon the public right before their eyes.
[rikijo.blogspot.com]
Just like all the other Illuminati controlled industry, the Movie/Entertainment industry is a tool designed to advance their agenda of a “New World Order” and the deceptions that come along with it.
In the satanic Illuminati occult dogma, the term “AVATAR” represents their coming Anti-christ, and is the Illuminati occult representation of Satan incarnate.
The Illuminati believe that through science they will be able to genetically produce a “Body” or “Host” that can then be possessed by the actual spirit of Lucifer/Satan.
This “host” that the spirit of Satan will inhabit is called the “AVATAR”
James Cameron has actually named his entire film project based around the satanic doctrines of demonic possession and modern DNA manipulation, in which the Illuminati seek to bring about the “New Age humanoid”, or demonically possessed biological human entity
I may think Jennifer is a certifiable lunatic, but my av thinks her body would make an excellent vessel and should be working in my saloon.
… as a whore, of course. A whore of Satan.
Al, you promised me that job
Jennifer, you have confirmed what I have always thought about girls named Jennifer, they are batshiat crazy.
Plenty of room at The Gem for both of you, little lady, though it looks like Jennifer has more kinky possibilities. Satanic kinky possibilities.
I think Jennifer is talking about the movie Jennifer’s Body.
Rikijo is Japanese for “The God of Tentacle Rape”
Jennifur? Is that you, my little blue kitty kat?
McDonald’s sells the most hamburgers but they are crap. Yet with your logic, and the logic of the Avatard or Avatar fan, you celebrate crap because it is popular. You don’t care that the hamburger is responsible for deforestation using slash and burn farming (rather than sustainable rotation), you don’t care the ingredients are unsuitable for human consumption. You like the taste and the price. You are a feral prole seeking self pleasure. You want your BREAD and CIRCUS. Doesn’t matter if it is good, bad, moral, amoral, toxic or not, you don’t give a hoot. You want to increase the dopamine release in the mesolimbic pathway of your brain, self-respect be damned.
You are celebrating the success of foisting corporatist crap on the public, charging a premium for it and all through a movie that tries to communicate that corporatism is morally reprehensible.
All this demonstrates:
1) People are generally stupid. And given how stupid the median intelligence is, and half the people are dumber than that.
2) Crap outsells quality. That is why all the plastic crap in Wal-Mart is made in China. People are just too stupid to pay for or care for quality. I can PROVE the toxicity of phthalates, alkylphenols, bisphenol A (BPA), PBDEs, PCBs, PAHs, diglycidyl ether, PFCs and leeching formaldehydes. I can PROVE it. And I can show you that phthalates, alkylphenols, bisphenol A (BPA), PBDEs, PCBs, PAHs, diglycidyl ether, PFCs leech from cheaply made products and poison you. Yet you keep buying the stuff up, racking up wanton debt to feed your sickening habit.
3) A misguided notion that volume sales are a sign of success. So when a certain drug company sells things like thalidomide or Vioxx at record sales levels yet it is later shown this trash is toxic and causes heart attacks and birth defects, you would celebrate the commercial success?
This movie allows idiots, dolts, dullards, mentally deficient persons, addleheads, pinheads, dimwits, dodos, blockheads, boneheads, dopes, nincompoops, dummies, microcephalics, coelenterates, ninnies, nitwits, numbskulls, twits, momos, morons, imbeciles, cretins, dunces, fools, ignoramuses, clots, buffoons, schmucks, plonkers, spastics, simpletons, saladheads, goons, pea-brains, oafs, wallies, nutjobs, airheads, flakes, birdbrains, dingbats, silly-billies, dunderheads, boobs, twerps, bumpkins, dolts, dorks, screwballs, loonies, muppets, dummies, jobbies, nobs, retards and the feeble minded to mentally masturbate, to lap up the BREAD and CIRCUS.
This movie has the following traps that have lead people who like this movie (Avatards) down a pathetic path.
1) Escapism. Because reality is unbearable for these morons.
2) Justification. If you feel good about this movie you can’t be “wrong.” It allows you to continue to live at standards of living that are not justified by your intelligence level or value to humanity and justify it all because of how you feel (self-loathing run rampant).
3) Allowing one’s already weakened mind to be further perverted by utterly simplistic and childish renditions of scenarios that are some of the worst material for parables and demonstrations of societal mores.
4) Lust. Celebrating the sexual predation of an interloper with a primitive noble savage while said savage is going through vulnerable circumstances.
5) Gluttony. You stuff your fat faces with toxic popcorn (oils in popcorn when heated are very toxic), and artificially flavored candies while you enjoy your BREAD and CIRCUS.
6) Extravagance. The pomp and flair of this spectacle and the ridiculous budget that could have been better used to allow tens or more directors a shot at making better films is simply extravagant all channeled through a man with 5 ex wives, 7 publicized cases of STDs, and a huge helping of hubris.
7) Greed. The greedy nature of James Cameron and his pseudo intellectual movie that portrays greed as evil yet this very vehicle, the movie itself, was fostered out of greed and the love of money.
8) Apathetic listlessness. Those misanthropes who fester in melancholy use this BREAD and CIRCUS to further justify their acediac dispositions and behaviors. None of those who watched the movie actually believe in true meritocracy, libertarianism or self determination. They live in and actively produce a society which is antagonistic towards liberty and self determination through the creation of an authoritarian and autocratic state. Cameron uses the deep seated rage against INGSOC and the oligarchies controlling everything from cradle to grave to keep your morons to buy tickets and love it all the while making a snoodling billionaire richer.
9) Despair. This movie allows the festering in sadness and despair to not do something about it, but to gather for BREAD and CIRCUS to make the promoter rich while ignoring endemic issue on the society they are pretending to rail against.
10) Again, another sedentary activity for the fat idiot moviegoer. The average Avatard ate a daily allowance of food whilst doing nothing for three hours. See earlier discussion of crap vs. quality. Then the same corpulent cowboy for freedom and justice uses his sausage fingers to type praise for this piece of trash on various forums, while thoughtfully sucking pork rind grease and yesterday’s dried semen from beneath his overpriced and under-earned high school class ring.
11) Embracing rage. This movie depicts a man who is coursing with anger, rage and wrath. He leads the noble savages poorly and every executive decision he made was poor resulting in many deaths. It took divine intervention to swing the tides of war. Yet the protagonist is enjoyed as a hero. His rage, anger and wrath was satanic and nearly cost the noble savages everything.
12) Envy. The protagonist was green with envy over the noble savages carefree lifestyle and uncrippled/superior bodies. Not only would he be able to walk, he would be superhuman. This protagonist was no über mensch. His Envy leads him to betray his own people, potentially dooming millions/billions to loss of life without obtaining the needed fuel to survive all to sate his envy.
13) Pride. This protagonist, despite being a disastrous executive, smiles ear to ear after “his victory.” Yet in the scenes depicted it was divine intervention that saved the noble savages, not the protagonist. Yet as he participates in the rounding of the people he betrayed in a very fascistic manner he grins ear to ear with pride. He is not only full of pride but also of great vanity. He was the opposite of humble. Cameron uncloaked!
Already long ago, from when we sold our vote to no man, the People have abdicated our duties; for the People who once upon a time handed out military command, high civil office, legions – everything, now restrains itself and anxiously hopes for just two things:
BREAD and CIRCUSES
(Juvenal, Satire 10.77-81) (c. 150AD)
Sounds like SOMEbody’s got a case of the Mondays.