(“CHECK OUT HER BOX!!!”)
Friends, family, fat people…the future is upon us. Forget your iPads (Apple hates a heavy flow) and human genomes: 3D porn is near. Even more overwhelming, Caligula director, Tinto Brass is the wonderful pervert wanting to go down in jerk mags as creating the first-ever 3D pornographic production. Hilariously enough, for Brass, a 3D porno would also historically mark the first 3D film ever made in Italy.
Brass said that with the film he plans to “revisit an abandoned project about a Roman emperor that was ruined by Americans, and go from there,” a reference to “Caligula,” which he has criticized because of hard-core sex scenes added during postproduction without his consent. [THR]
Well great, as if I already didn’t spend enough time masturbating in a computer chair. I guess I better break out those delivery menus. And come to think of it, is 3D porn really something we need? I mean really, unless you’re an extra on Waterworld who the hell masturbates with goggles on? Protectively, I guess they’re a great idea, but do I really need some guys phantom nuts swinging in my face to get the full effect? Once again, it looks like I’ll have to turn to Spider-Man, circa 2001, for advice: “With great power cums comes great responsibility.”
-chodin
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/metallica-through-the-never-looks-intense-filmdrunk1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Squirts-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/farah-vivid-DVD-cover-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Miss-teen-delawre-melissa-M-king-150x150.jpg)
I feel like there be confusion with the iPad and iPod in Boston.
“Gimme that iPad, ya fackin’ queah.”
“I got the iPod right here, ya fackin’ homo.”
I can live with 3-D porn but if they ever come up with some sort of smell-o-vision, I’m swearing off porn.
Haha, good one J.
Christy Canyons tits come out of retirement or GTFO!
It would appear that 3-D porn and I have something in common…
You know what will be next: Borat hotel wrestling scene in 3D.
I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say: “Bring me fat Kazakh nutsack, or bring me death!”
Can we get motion capture porn first? I want to see some uncanny valleys.
Uncanny valley porn? I’m pretty sure those Dead or Alive games apply.
Or pretty much any video game with a girl with a giant rack and very little clothing.
Which, come to think of it, is pretty much every video game.
For a girl with a giant rack and very little clothing see Utopia.
No, it’s not a video game. It’s my idea of a perfect world.
Bones: It’s highly unlikely that cancer scientists are diverting their attentions to create 3 dimensional pornography. It’s a completely different field of study and development.
Booth: Shut the fuck up, Bones.
My first mo-cap porn title: Uncanny Valley High.
First “Uncanny” porn star: Audrina Patridge.
“Man … it was almost like her eyes followed me!”
My first mo-cap tranny mutant porn title: Uncanny Ex-men.
At least I’ll stop licking my monitor.
Also, we are getting motion capture 3-D porn already.
Deleted Avatar sex scene, y’all.
SOFT CORE DOESN’T COUNT!
Dude, I know you really want your motion capture porn, but there’s no need to yell at me.
Sure Donk, try telling that to my penis when I was 13.
3D porn…looks like they’re cumming right at you!
Speaking of protection, I think I’d like a shower cap along with the glasses, please.
Erswi, your penis wouldn’t have been able to hear me over all the sign language you were screaming at it.
My penis was always a bit confused why the only thing I ever said to it was “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
Go ahead, Google it. I’ll wait. . .
3D porn should be restricted to the theaters. I don’t want to be sitting at my computer chair, hating myself in peace only to have someone walk in on me who I might mistake for an actor in the movie. Interaction is not recommended.
I have enough dicks in my face, thankyouverymucho.
My plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activities where balls fly at my nose.
Next on the list: “Two Girls, One Cup… Three Dimensions.”
3D Porn is already here. Looks like these guys already released a film on DVD, and it’s actually full-color 3D. There’s a trailer at http://www.UltraMagnum.org
Well in this case, goggles do more than just providing 3D image, it also acts as a protective device, prevent your jizz from hitting you right in the eyes. Smart move by movie makers.