(I love these retards)
As you already know, Avatar took home the best picture drama award at the Golden Globes last night. Which makes this “Abridged Avatar Script” so much more timely. Excerpt:
STEPHEN LANG
I’m the film’s bullheaded tough guy. Welcome to Pandora. There’s not enough oxygen here to breathe, though it’s worth mentioning there is enough oxygen for totally awesome explosions.SAM WORTHINGTON
Is the gravity at least the same?STEPHEN LANG
Actually, we’ll be constantly mentioning the lower gravity here, but it will somehow have absolutely no effect on anyone.[...]
BLUE SAM WORTHINGTON
Oh f-ck, I think I wandered into a Joel Schumacher movie. Someone, get me out of here!BLUE ZOE SALDANA
(subtitled) You should not be here. Jesus, am I subtitled with the Papyrus font? F-ck it, I’ll speak English.BLUE SAM WORTHINGTON
Take me to your tribe leader. I need to become a member of your people.BLUE ZOE SALDANA
Absolutely not.
(pause)
Alright.
Yeah, it’s good stuff. Check out the rest of it over at The Editing Room (thanks for the tip, JordeeVee). Here’s something else you may not know about Avatar; Zoe Saldana is actually 12 feet tall.
James Cameron is totally daydreaming about some blue titties right now. [source]
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Thumbnail Pic: Yeah, so this big around. I hope that answers your question.
SAM WORTHINGTON
Holy shit, Duke Nukem Forever really does get released in the future!
Bwahahahaha.
I sure am glad computer technology has gotten sophisticated enough that James Cameron could make his $230 million 3D IMAX movie about rejecting technology! I think I understand: technology bad, nature good!
Oh my god, I love this. This deserves an Oscar.
Lince, all of these Avatar posts are hurting Filmdrunk’s street cred. If you can’t dig up a picture of Frank Stallone in drag soon, we’re gonna look ghey.
MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ
You’re not the only one with a gun, bitch.
(dies)
Okay now you are, bitch.
And that’s how every scene with Michelle Rodriguez should end.
This is the most I’ve wanted to fuck an actress who looks vaguely like the current first lady since Betty White and Barbara Bush.
Did anybody else notice that Zoe Saldana looked freakishly thin and lifeless. So either the strain of Star Trek is getting to her, or James Cameron is ramping up the sequel to Avatar with less CGI characters.
A week ago I infiltrated naviblue.com and have been starting what I thought were plausible threads on their message board. I have now been warned by the administrators two times, yet they still haven’t learned that I’m not on there because I’m a furry/want to talk about Avatar. I figure I have one more absurd thread left before they take their dicks out of their cats and realize I’m not one of them, so does anyone have any ideas for my final post? So far I have claimed: my wife and I are thinking of having an abortion because Avatar made us realize how terrible Sky People are, I dunked my cat in blue house paint, and that I think we should show Avatar to all the people of Haiti to raise their spirits. I would appreciate any ideas.
Oh and the only reply I got for the abortion thread (before it was locked) stated that I should keep the baby because there is much to live for. He then gave me a list of things to live for, three of which were, “Video games. The next Nintendo. The next Playstation,” and “Megan Fox.”
(picture at the top)
I like to imagine that the guy beat the shit out of the girl for forgetting to wear her blue turtleneck.
Avatards can taint with all the colors of the wind.
Similar, but twice as long and 1.5 times as funny (IMSO): Avatar – The Metacontextual Edition
Excerpt:
JUGHEAD: Just want to be clear on something… you guys have all your weird alien ways that take our scientists so long to figure out and all… but… you guys still kiss, and show affection, and all your flirtations, and ways of sending “signals”… and… uh… stuff… it all works just like humans do, right?
POCAHONTAS: What are you getting at?
JUGHEAD: Fucking… there’s fucking, right? Just like humans?
POCAHONTAS: Oh, yeah. It’s just like human fucking, and we sort of hiss and stuff like cats so in a weird way it’s kind of hot even though we’re blue cat people.
JUGHEAD: Thank god it’s all basically the same. I thought I might actually have to learn an actually different mode of behaviour instead of just a few arbitrary rituals and shit.
POCAHONTAS: Then you are one of us.
THEY FUCK.
I finally saw this last week and I didn’t hate it. Of course now that it’s over, I’m horribly depressed. The cats in my neighborhood aren’t that easy to catch and it’s making me sad.
I saw a black guy walk out of a screening wearing a blue Pandora-bird costume.
He was an Avatard, and feathered.
*lynches self for that one*
@ Token Black Guy
When I’m cruising in my custom van, I kill two birds with one stone and take the kids’ cats.
The 2nd picture with Cameron staring would have been perfect if Christina Hendricks is in place of Zoe Blablabla.