SERIOUSLY THOUGH, STOP THIS.
12.11.09
Before you ask, yes this is a real book. No movie deal yet, thankfully. I swear, the movie and publishing industries are like the guy who’s always ruining your jokes.
“Dude, how ’bout Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters?”
“Get the f-ck out of my house.”
[Thanks to Phil for the tip]
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Voltaire’s ready to haunt a motherfucker if they think they’re going to write ‘Candide Apples’.
A Tale of Two Cities and Godzilla would get rid of a lot of the whining from the original.
Crime and Punishment and Orange Mocha Frappuccinos
Some suggestions:
The Sound and the Fury of the Kraken
Crime and Punishment and Ninjas
War and Peace and Clowns From Outer Space
The Old Man and the Sea and Cthulhu
Lolita and Morton Salt
Bowling for Bukake!
The Sun Also Rises on Vampires
Kramer vs. Kramer vs. black people
Moby Dick and Balls
How about ‘The Devil and Daniel Webster and the Current U.S. Judicial System’?
Scary tale indeed…
Sense and Absence of Creativity
Of Mice and Men and Mongoloids (Spoiler Alert!)
Green Eggs and Ham and Swine Flu
The Pitcher in the Catcher in the Rye.
The Grapes of Wrath of Khan
Call of the Girls Gone Wild
David Coppafeel
Baby Geniuses with More Mothra!
While I’m on porn titles: The Great Gagsby.
White Fang and an Asian Chef.
The Diary of Anne Frankenstein.
A Farewell to Arms and Legs: Amputees in the Antebellum South
I Am Legend and Sense and Sensibility.
What?
Crime and Punishment and Prison Rape
Don Quixote and Many, Many, Many Whores.
(please?)
Lord of the Flies and the Fly.
Romeo & Juliet & Martin Lawrence in a fat suit.
The Taming of the Shrew Got Served
Dante’s Towering Inferno
A Raisin and Fried Chicken in the SunThe Pit and The Pendulum and….actually that story’s pretty fucked up as it is.
Back to the Once and Future King
Moby Dick Butkus
Uncle Tom’s Cabin & The Spook: A Ghost Story.
BTK, Thursday’s rally has been moved up to 7:30 PM. Don’t forget it’s potluck.
Ragtime: A Menstrual Cycle
Catch-22 and Chris Hanson.
Remains of the Day of the Jackal
All Quiet on the Western Full Frontal
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and Shit.
JJ Abram’s Paradise Lost
The Mouse and The Motorcycle Gang
Twilight and Character Development.
Nah, that’ll never work.
Encyclopedia Brown-Eye.
The Babysitters Club Baby Seals.
This post is going to make me hate myself.
Goosebumps and Roman Polanski.
A Tale of the Book that Came out in September.
The Catcher in the Ryan White
( google him to find out why I’m going to hell.)
The Color Purple-People Eaters
Brave New World Wrestling Entertainment
Helen Keller and the Masque of the Red Deaf and Blind
That’s So The Raven
Flatulence, Gone with the Wind